Spinster discusses this quarter's INVENTORY

SATURDAY 6:55AM
I am so excited for the inventory presentation that will take place in 5 minutes. Everyone cool from the plant is here, all of those filthy hourly employees are at home with their families and sponsors, just us salaried personnel and management. Oh look C-Minus didn't shower, even my cat gives itself baths! Multiple Bath's a day if you are the cat's private area. Not that I'm counting, but he gets so affectionate after he washes down there its hard to miss the corelation. Oh I'm gonna say a shrill good morning before we get started

SATURDAY 6:59
"GOOD MORNING COMPANY! ISN"T EVERYONE THRILLED TO BE HERE?"

SATURDAY 7:01
Oh what non-inventory related things will I talk to people about today? Weekend plans of course, OR WHAT"S LEFT OF WEEKEND PLANS!? HA I mentally crack myself up sometimes. Stay serious face so it looks like I'm paying attention.

SATURDAY 7:30
Presentation is over and they are all filing out with their heads down. I'm gonna offer one of them a high five. C-Minus has a couple minutes of youth left, he'll get it

SATURDAY 7:31
C-MINUS HIGH FIVE FOR GOOD LUCK!

SATURDAY 7:32
DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THE EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBERS THAT NO LONGER TAKE MY CALLS

SATURDAY 7:33
Inventory task #1: Tweet the nieces to see if they want to see Beastly at Celebration Cinema during Inventory lunch time.

SATURDAY 9:45
OH BEASTLY WAS A BLAST! That guy was so handsome as the beauty and the beast! Makes me want to go back 30 years and not give up on men moments after they as a gender gave up on me. Glad I previewed it before inviting the nieces, just got a tweet back which said no but I'll be ready if they change their minds later today. Are those jokers done counting yet? I should see if the plant manager is available to hear some of my cat church stories, which are stories about the Universalist Church that I made on my back porch. We don't talk down the the kitties like the Catholics or the dumpster by Burger King.

SATURDAY 10:00 AM
Oh boy, my second favorite part of the day, I get to page everyone to the break room to get their quarterly donut.

"ATTENTION INVENTORY CREWS, IT IS BREAK TIME AND FOR THE NEXT 15 MINUTES YOU CAN ENJOY A DONUT AND EACH OTHER'S COMPANIONSHIP. I'M SO LONELY. WILL THE SWEATIEST MAN PLEASE REPORT TO THE SPINSTER SECTION OF THE OFFICE SO THAT I MAY SMELL YOU."

SATURDAY 10:15 AM
I really shouldn't have eaten that donut, what with my diabetes and all. I sold my insulin to the former body builder on 2nd shift so I'm just going to sleep in my car til I level off.

SATURDAY 2:00 PM
Oh wow, that 15 minute nap hit the spot. I can't feel my feet but the donut was worth it. Inventory is the best day. Wait, why are people heading to their cars.

"Hey C Minus, I run this inventory. Get back to counting. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE INVENTORY IS DONE? I DIDN'T DISMISS YOU!"

SATURDAY 2:05 PM
And here I am alone again, the desolatation of the parking lot reminds my of my apartment and my heart. Well I guess I'll spend my Saturday afternoon like any other 54 year old single woman would, by going to the mall and trying to make friends with 14 year olds.

TILL NEXT QUARTER!

- SPINSTER

If you hurt her, I will kill you

OMG I HEARD FROM AN UNRELATED CHAIN OF PEOPLE THAT YOU MIGHT BE SEEING OSMEONE, HERE ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW!

1. I SOME HOW HAVE A VESTED INTEREST IN THIS THING.

You are not just seeing her, you are seeing me. But not really beause I could smell your ass coming from a mile away and I was like NOPE, even though you didn't ask. Or have ever spoken to me. Ever. BUT I FOUND YOUR CONTACT INFO! And I'm telling you if you mess with her you are messing with me. What's her name again? Yeah that's it. I'm watching you. One wrong move and I'll be on you like male nudity on SPARTACUS. And I have the power to end this thing, or change it so its more entertaining.. you know for me and the other viewers at home. My opinions are important because I once saw you and her before you you-and-her.

2. ARE YOU GUYS FIGHTING? YOU CAN TELL ME!

What's wrong. What is it? What are you guys doing? I won't tell anyone. Fine ya fruit, let me imagine what is wrong and give you advice to solve the problem I just made up. You should get her nice pajamas. And cupcakes. And a car. And the 3rd Glee soundtrack. I thought we was in this together? How can I observe your relationship from the sidelines if you don't tell me what's going on and immediately follow my advice. I promise I won't tell her (as phone is flipped open in the middle of a text that starts "you won't believe what your man said about you _________), and I certainly won't tell anyone else (text is also addressed to her entire phone book).

3. YOU TWO ARE BORING, I DON'T LIKE IT ANYMORE. YOU SHOULD END IT FOR ME.

UGH I'm sick of this. You don't talk to me, and you don't give a rip what I tell you to do for her. You won't even go on a double with me while my man is away hunting this weekend.... I think you should try something else. I don't like this anymore. I liked you better when you were trying and failing. Maybe you should go back to that, you were really good at it. And by good I mean funny.

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING HER FOR VD DAY? OH GROSS, YOU SHOULD RETURN IT AND GET HER SOME YOGA GIFT CARDS.

SPINSTER sees someone she hasn't seen in a while

Oh my gosh I can't believe you are here! I was so worried about you. So worried. I can't tell you enough how much your presence here affects me. You have affected me so much because I was worried about you. My feelings were of worry and concern. But you are here and slowly my worry will turn into favorable feelings of welcomeness.

I am rambling, because as I said I was worried. But how are you? I want you- to tell me- how you are doing so that I may become aware of what is going on. I can't wait until I can tell everyone I know that I saw you here today. What a plan God has for me, seeing you here. After all this time. I would have really liked to have heard from you.

We could have done something together, you know what I say to heck with it we still can. Let me tell you what has been going on with me and maybe we can look at my schedule and see when you fit in.

So last month I was in a meeting at work. Did I tell you that I've been working at a workplace? Been so for all of my life during the time that's not dedicated to gossip.... actually those times overlap each other. But anyway I was in a meeting and C-Minus was all like "do you like stuff" and I was like OMGCHRONICLESOFNARNIA3IN3D and then I got 4 days off to watch the series and buy the books. Can you believe it? Can you believe the things that I have just told you about me? I know!

But anyways it was great to have you see me. I can't believe I get to tell everyone at work that you saw me. How exciting! Did you see those pictures of my cat in the Christmas sweater that I gave him out of the goodness of my heart? A lot of people would say, "why would you get a cat a sweater" but then I say "my cat is my child and I will give him things until he understands how important I am to his survival and entertainment."

What's that? You need to leave me? I understand, coincidently I need to leave you even sooner than you need to leave me. I really enjoyed you getting to have a chat with me.

I will see you when it is convientent for me and less convient for you to do so!