Notable stuff in "Love and Other Drugs"

Finally saw the recent flop "Love and Other Drugs" this evening and I thought I would post some thoughts about it on this forgotten about flop of a blog. Before I get started though, has anyone had received any proof of life on SLEEPY CRICKET recently? I'm looking for something more real than a facebook update or txt message... maybe something like a blog post?

5 Notable things about "Love and Other Drugs"

Everytime Anne Hathaway acts, she has to show a boob. I'm going to assume it is not acting for a woman to act like she is attracted to Jake Gylenhal. I don't actually think I would be acting if I pretended to be attracted to Jake Gylenhal, because it wouldn't be pretending. But in the movie Anne Hathaway has an illness that rears its head whenever it is neccessary to move the movie forward or hold it back. In those scenes there is crying or screaming or shaking body parts. But for each scene that is sent for consideration for an academy award, the movie gives us a scene of equivelent length of Anne Hathaway's boob doing something. When her character is just doing one thing like trying to open a medicine bottle, we will just be treated to one boob. But if she is doing two things like making a joke and acting coy, we will soon be exposed to both boobs.

"Love and Other Drugs"= 40% Anne Hathaway Acting+ 40% Anne Hathaway Boobs+ 20% Jake Gylenhal trying to learn how to act or see boobs.

"Love and Other Drugs" is every single movie. What kind of movie do you want to see tonight? Well before you answer "Love and Other Drugs" will try to be that movie for 15 minutes before giving up and moving on to the next genre.

The following things happen in the movie:

Cocky guy becomes responsible (Coming of age story)

Scientist play God and try to create a hybrid animal (SPLICE)

Fat actor says things loudly (Jack Black movie)

Overly long sex scenes (The Room)

Cocky guy tries to start a real relationship with manic pixie dream girl (Garden State)

Cocky guy tries to sell stuff or win something (competitive movie)

Girl is sick (Love story)

Bitter Doctor keeps it real (that one... every episode of house)

Serial killer puts people in traps that test their willingness to live (Saw 1-8)

Dinosaurs cloned through bugs caught in tree sap (Jurrassic Park)

And that is far from all that "Love and Other Drugs" tries to be.

"Love and Other Drugs" has viagra jokes. See it's funny because the drug affects your penis (unless you are a woman, then it has no affect on your penis).

"Love and Other Drugs" almost made me lose my wallet. I feel like movie seats are made so that crap falls on the ground.

"Love and Other Drugs" has a twist ending. Turns out she was already dead and he was talking to her ghost the entire time.

Despite its many flaws its a watchable but totally misguided movie. I also pray that the character playing the fat brother character never acts again.

Men who deserve your respect: Matthew David McConaughey

There is something to be respect about a man who knows what he is. I wish I knew who I was and acted accordingly. That is why I am proud to announce the first man who deserves your respect to be Matthew David McConaughey. When Matthew David McConaughey first broke in to real movies like Dazed and Confused and A Time to Kill (he was the one who didn't say "YES THEY DESERVED TO DIE...") people were all like, "This guy is the next pre-fat Marlon Brando!" And hearing humanity's cry Matthew David McConaughey whispered.... "no."

"I am not Marlon Brando, in fact I'm not really sure who that guy is aside from my favorite part of Island of Dr. Monroe. I am a cartoon version of what today's WalMart-woman fantasy man is. I am going to do the easiest movies with the biggest paychecks. I am going to take my shirt off, a lot. I am going to keep working this accent till I make Texan people sound not-Texan"

Matthew David McConaughey has lived up to this statement of purpose for over 20 years in the acting industry. Any attempts to be something more than that rapidly aging hot guy were met with guffaws, not just by movie-goers but by Matthew David McConaughey himself.

In my 27 years I have built up quite the quote book, one of my more recent gems was "I can be more than funny" (which was said with a straight face because I totally meant it and was trying to impress a girl with it). If I were half the man Matthew David McConaughey is I would have said, "I might be able to be more than funny, but why try when being funny gets me paid with the least amount of effort. Alright I gotta go, Lance Armstrong needs me to help him stretch out before his next commercial." God made Matthew David McConaughey a likeably generic southerner, God gave me the ability to string a humorous sentence together; if I could only be as happy with my gifts as Matthew David McConaughey is with his.

But we see that Matthew David McConaughey is a very successful (financially) actor, and I still live in my mother's basement (40% by choice). So some gifts are appreciated by society and some are less appreciated... but unlike Matthew David McConaughey I am too afraid to stake my claim on my God given gifts. Too insecure to be content to be the man that God made me to be. My infrequent quest for self improvement is just a sad joke that only I find amusing (like those 9/11 ones). If I had Matthew David McConaughey's faith I would march my PT Cruiser down to New York, force my way on stage during Amateur Night at the Apollo and present my God given gift.

I'm not going to perform at Amateur Night at the Apollo. The closest I imagine myself coming to it is performing my Cat Poem at the next youth group talent show. Right now I am so on the fence about being who I am that even updating this blog is a stretch. The only reason I update as often as I do is that SLEEPY CRICKET and my lopsided partnership in the blog gives me something to throw back in his face whenever I remember how much better his job and other opportunities are than mine. I think God also made me really good about being bitter so I'm going to follow in the footsteps of Matthew David McConaughey and call him out.

You hear that Jason? I blog more than you. And I just bought a projector for 7% of the price of yours so you can't non-verbally/not-actually hold that over my head any more. Hope you're having fun in Ohio, or as they call it America's Sphincter (my girlfriend.... ahem MY GIRLFRIEND informs me that the sphincter, doesn't just mean an A-Hole... eh whatever you get the picture, if you aren't offended by that, please tell me something else you hold dear so that I may insult that instead. How are you by the way? Are you coming back for the holidays? If I could meet your family at that chinese buffet again that would be fun. I have a christmas card for you but I'm too lazy to mail it.)