Notable stuff in "Love and Other Drugs"

Finally saw the recent flop "Love and Other Drugs" this evening and I thought I would post some thoughts about it on this forgotten about flop of a blog. Before I get started though, has anyone had received any proof of life on SLEEPY CRICKET recently? I'm looking for something more real than a facebook update or txt message... maybe something like a blog post?

5 Notable things about "Love and Other Drugs"

Everytime Anne Hathaway acts, she has to show a boob. I'm going to assume it is not acting for a woman to act like she is attracted to Jake Gylenhal. I don't actually think I would be acting if I pretended to be attracted to Jake Gylenhal, because it wouldn't be pretending. But in the movie Anne Hathaway has an illness that rears its head whenever it is neccessary to move the movie forward or hold it back. In those scenes there is crying or screaming or shaking body parts. But for each scene that is sent for consideration for an academy award, the movie gives us a scene of equivelent length of Anne Hathaway's boob doing something. When her character is just doing one thing like trying to open a medicine bottle, we will just be treated to one boob. But if she is doing two things like making a joke and acting coy, we will soon be exposed to both boobs.

"Love and Other Drugs"= 40% Anne Hathaway Acting+ 40% Anne Hathaway Boobs+ 20% Jake Gylenhal trying to learn how to act or see boobs.

"Love and Other Drugs" is every single movie. What kind of movie do you want to see tonight? Well before you answer "Love and Other Drugs" will try to be that movie for 15 minutes before giving up and moving on to the next genre.

The following things happen in the movie:

Cocky guy becomes responsible (Coming of age story)

Scientist play God and try to create a hybrid animal (SPLICE)

Fat actor says things loudly (Jack Black movie)

Overly long sex scenes (The Room)

Cocky guy tries to start a real relationship with manic pixie dream girl (Garden State)

Cocky guy tries to sell stuff or win something (competitive movie)

Girl is sick (Love story)

Bitter Doctor keeps it real (that one... every episode of house)

Serial killer puts people in traps that test their willingness to live (Saw 1-8)

Dinosaurs cloned through bugs caught in tree sap (Jurrassic Park)

And that is far from all that "Love and Other Drugs" tries to be.

"Love and Other Drugs" has viagra jokes. See it's funny because the drug affects your penis (unless you are a woman, then it has no affect on your penis).

"Love and Other Drugs" almost made me lose my wallet. I feel like movie seats are made so that crap falls on the ground.

"Love and Other Drugs" has a twist ending. Turns out she was already dead and he was talking to her ghost the entire time.

Despite its many flaws its a watchable but totally misguided movie. I also pray that the character playing the fat brother character never acts again.

I have a secret, you have to promise not to tell anyone

I'm serious, you can't tell anyone. It's gonna be a bunch of drama if anyone else finds out. Ok so I've been wanting to tell someone this for a while now. My secret is that Leonardo DiCaprio is a terrible actor. Yes I know it's crazy, but you have to believe me. I seen him act. With my own eyes. He is the absolute worst actor who has ever seriously thought they could act. I have proof. Look at the evidence before you disbelieve me:

1. Leonardo DiCaprio is a terrible actor because he looks like the 13th most popular dude at a small town high school:

Not the one that is popular because of his looks talent or dad owning a dealership, but the one who is popular because he is an ahole towards the non privileged for the 1-12 most popular dudes enjoyment. The one who practiced his stare in the mirror and took any and all opportunities to go shirtless, showing off the frame of a prepubescent boy.

Oh I remember how you ladies used to talk about the Allegan county equivelent to you Leo: "You know he may only be the 13th most popular dude at our small town high school but with his shirt off he looks like an anime character. And I saw this one anime with tentacle penetration. And by this one anime I mean EVERY ANIME."

2. I can hear Leonardo thinking every time he is on screen:

And it goes a little something like this:

"Oh look at me I'm Leonardo DiCaprio! Oh shoot what movie is this one? Oh they want me to be serious right now. I'm gonna glare at this dude. Step 1 Leo remember to furrow your brow. Think back to the day "Growing Pains" got canceled just a year after they brought you in for comic relief. Pretty sad. Thata boy Leo you are doing great! Oh shoot much lower paid character actors are acting at me... what am I gonna do? I'm gonna scream and pretend I'm in an entirely different movie they are, that will get the Academy to notice me! Oh Marty Scorsesse will be so proud of me. So proud. Hollywood might even throw me another Victoria's Secret girl if I do good. Ok for the rest of this scene I'll just do the same stuff I've been doing every move since "Gilbert Grape" and mentally repeat I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN."

3. He is the only actor that gets cast in real (well funded movies), and he pisses all over each and everyone of them:

Adult movies don't get made any more, at least not at any reasonable budget. What gets made are products and franchises. I like products/franchises but when the last 2 rationale adults in Hollywood put some monies together on a decent looking film without a happy meal tie in, who do they bring in to ruin it? Leonardo DiCaprio. I get it... he appeals to everyone or something, but so does Dwayne the Rock Johnson and I would buy him as J. Edgar Hoover a heck of a lot quicker than that prick from the DEPAWRTRED (did I get Leo's Boston accent right? I hope so, I probably spent more time spelling it than he did practicing it).

Ok I'm done, this secret I have told you probably qualifies me as unAmerican or something. I hope whatever pictures this douche has of the 7 Scientologists that control Hollywood are dirty enough to warrant him ruining every decent looking movie released for the past/next 10 years.