HamilTEN Gaming- Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days

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(I have a very large video project coming up, thought I should do some test stuff just to practice. This is part of that test)

HamilTEN Gaming: Kane and Lynch 2

This is the first of hopefully many installments of hamilTEN gaming, looking at some of the current gaming experiences you can have for under ten dollars. The games in this series will be played until we decide whether it’s worth buying and at what price. We will be taking a look at Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days, which was found in a Blockbuster liquidation for 8 dollars.

Kane and Lynch is a third person shooter with online/splitscreen cooperative campaign and a very interesting visual presentation. There are other multiplayer modes but on the Xbox 360 it seemed like other players were nonexistent.

In Kane and Lynch 2 you play as wife beater mullet guy or less interesting dress shirt guy. They swear a lot and are some type of criminals. The story is mostly a criminal on the run type of thing and involves as much generic gore and crude language as the developers can throw at it.

The story and characters are ignorable but the graphics definitely aren’t. Everything is a bit on the generic side but it is coated in tons of digital video filters that make the whole experience look like an episode of cops shot on a cellphone camera. Shockingly the gimmick works and adds a sense of urgency to the shouting and shooting.

The gameplay is a loose gears of war style third person shooter. Things feel imprecise but it seems with the perpetual forward motion that the affect was intended. There is really only one path through every encounter and the answer its always shoot and move forward. Some of the non-shooting mechanics such as reviving a fallen partner are not implemented well and can result in some unnecessary restarts.

For what the game is the sound is well done. Guns and other effects have a meaty and slightly too loud sound which fits the setting and embedded camera person style graphics. Voice acting is competent although the script leans heavily on the 7 words you don’t say on television. The music is random chaos broken up by a random generic 80’s sounding pop song.

Mainly purchased this game due to the price and my interest in the graphical style, both areas the game succeeds with everything else being competent. The competitive multiplayer modes look very interesting, but if no one is around to play them then its not a selling point. The game seems short, I played it for about 3 hours and it seems like I am at least halfway through the campaign.

If you are a fan of third person shooters, split screen coop, or visual gimmicks we recommend this game at the ten dollar price point. Thanks for budget gaming with us, we’ll be saving our pennies until we can tell you about some other bargains soon.

EA Active is 20 dollars at Sam's Club and possibly Toys R Us

Sleepy cricket and I both purchased EA Active for Xbox and PS3 respectively. I have completed two days worth of workouts and I would like to make it part of my daily routine despite the jank. I have said this before of Wii Fit, but Wii Fit sucks. The primary reason why Wii Fit sucked was because it made you go to the main menu after every routine. The average routine in Wii Fit was about 1.5 minutes long, and few of the routines involved keeping a WiiMote in your hand. So routine ended up being; start Wii, select your Mii, get harrassed for not playing often enough, select workout, LOAD, start routine, LOAD, select another, LOAD, shut the Wii off without saving in disgust.

EA Active 2 seems to correct most of these problems, but the PS3 version adds a new one. You have to wear arm bands on both arms and 1 thigh, which the game tracks about 50% of the time. This means its awkward and you are going to do 50% more reps than the game will give you credit for. But what the hey, it was 20 dollars and I don't really have a suppliment right now to my increasingly occasional runs.

Heavy Rain- An American Shenmue as Performed by the French

During my senior year of high school as special little/large game called Shenmue came out and justified my love of the Dreamcast. It was an awkward and and occasionally perplexing adventure game where the action took a backseat to getting to know a young man as he investigates a murder. This game sadly wasn't enough to save the Dreamcast, in fact it probably was on of the things that did the system in.

12 years later we get a shockingly similar game with the same successes and largely the same failures. Seeing that I have been waiting paitently for a Shenmue follow up (no Shenmue 2 doesn't count) I was eager to play the "game."

"Game" is in quotes because Heavy Rain is an interactive movie. Anything that made Shenmue a game like experience like the fighting system or open world environments has been removed and replaced with brutally efficient storytelling. Maybe efficient is a stretch for Heavy Rain. Heavy Rain tells the story of four different characters who are looking into the a serial murderer known as the "Origami Killer."

The story basics have been done to death but the 4 person shifting format makes it interesting. I got annoyed at the perspective shifting every time something interesting was going to happen but it kept the "game" moving. The only possibly experience crippling problem with Heavy Rain is that the game was written and performed by French people. I don't really have too much against the French, but when only 1 out of 4 of the main characters can pronounce the villan's name (it's "origami" not "oRAYgAYME") then maybe the casting director should have bought American.

I can ignore the voice acting though, I can actually ignore a lot of stuff in media because it gives me a chance to use my imagination. The wrote in a mental back story for characters so the mispronunciation was due to something that happened off camera such as a stroke or learning to read phonically.

The action in the game is only quicktime events, which I think video games are trending away from but I really don't mind them. As a game Heavy Rain is a decent experience, it didn't bring me into the world like Shenmue did, mainly because there is no world to be brought into. There is a solid story in place and scenes to help the virtual-terrible actors act out.

I think this game is on to something, but I just wish they could crank games out like this faster and cheaper. Like do it like TellTale Games does with their adventure games, but instead of dumb 90's area puzzles just have a decision based/choose your own adventure style gameplay. I am happier with the $20 dollars that I spent on this 5 hour game than the $20 dollars I would have spent on a movie or something.

Killzone 3- A Nice Playing FPS on a very short leash with a poorly paced story.

I held out for a PS3 until they had a 160 gig unit with a 50 dollar gift card and this recently released game for 300. This is my attempt at a review of the game

"This is it guys." -Commander whatever his face from Killzone 3 on levels 1-End.

Killzone 3 is a strange one. It has been about 24 hours since I beat the game and I still don't know exactly what I played. Part of this is my problem as I did not play Killzone 1 (PS2) Killzone Liberation (PSP) or Killzone 2 (PS3), I think I enjoyed my time with Killzone 3 but I have no intentions of playing any of its predecessors and plan on selling it at first opportunity.

Killzone 3 = Gears of War story + Call of Duty Gameplay + Halo Misc. Stuff

Since this is the formula for how I view the game I will review each element separately.

Killzone 3 is a game about the conflict between ignorant space marines and Russian aliens. Each side is dumb and you won't care about any of them. They also shout every line of dialogue and there is a bunch of back and forth drama from other games that doesn't go anywhere. Despite not playing the previous games I just pretended this was a Gears of War sequel and continued moving my army guy forward down the corridor.

The story is generic and is just an extended wrap up of whatever happened in Killzone 2. It is a tactical retreat that is stretched out into a 10 hour campaign. And it starts and stops about 15 times with someone saying "This is it guys!" "We DID IT!" "OH KNOW THEY ARE BACK!" "ONE LAST TIME MEN!" "WE DID IT!" "I promise each and everyone of you, once this thing is dead we can go home and C-Minus can move on to the next game on his to-play list."

Move your army guy forward down the corridor. That is the gameplay from the Call of Duty series. When the Russian's/Alien's/non-whites put up a fight, just hide behind something and pick them off until the path is clear. Despite all the 'splosions and loud yelling this is a monorail and it moves forward at all times. Tactics include using whatever level appropriate toy they give you to kill the foreigners (jet pack/air strikes/etc..). It plays like a well refined shooter, but its refinement is partially due to the player being on such a short leash. If you are ok with the Call of Duty formula of running through a shooting gallery then this is a pleasant version of that but in space. If you are looking for any type of thought behind the mayhem then you should look else where.

While I never played it the original Killzone was described as a "Halo-Killer." It wasn't, and from what I remember the game was barely playable. But 3 games deep they are on to a competent and loud Playstation exclusive experience. With the game being solid it seems like they threw in a bunch of extra stuff to take another shot at being the next Halo. The game ends with some space stuff which is was something new that was tacked on to Halo Reach. You also have the ability to pick up and remove turrets and other previously stationary weapons which seems very Halo-esque. But what they should have taken from Halo was the open nature of the fighting. Even though you aren't controlling a squad in Halo you feel like you can read the enemies tactics and adjust accordingly. But in Killzone you move forward, get to cover, shoot, move forward, repeat.

http://www.giantbomb.com/quick-look-killzone-3/17-3797/

I hate video game media #3: They Hate Video games.

Final post about game media, you can resume reading blog after this post.

Hate is a strong word. I use incorrectly. I don't think I hate. In this case I care about deeply and get upset when video game media refuses to get with the program on how to cover video games. I understand there is a 24 hour news cycle or whatever and the information beast must be fed, but you are a machine. A machine that hates video games. Am I using hate incorrectly again? Probably but here is why video game media hates video games:

Video game media wants bad things to happen in the video game industry:

Activision laying off 400 or so people was the best thing to happen to most video game reporters since the last crummy thing that Activision did (getting into a fight with COD developer infinity ward) which was the best thing to happen to most video game reporters since the last crummy thing that EA did (... probably the old regime of business). I get it, I am a writer (eh.... ok no), it is easier to tear something down than build something up, but your website is not titled JoystiqSAREDRIVENBYCORPORATEGREED.com. I also understand that bad news is easier to find, write about and promote than the small successes that drive 95% of the world.

Video game media values games that do not exist instead of games that do exist

Most of my reasons that the media hates video games are problems with the reader as well. But are the media just giving us what we want or have they weened us on to what's easiest to produce. Video game media will push the heck out of previews and game announcements over reviews (unless the reviews are exclusive or early or something), and I guess that is due to the NEW in news but I look to the gaming media to see where my limited gaming time and monies should be spent, not to look at some gee wiz thing that has a 50% chance of being canceled or retooled beyond recognition before its release in 18 months.

I'm not saying don't tell me what to look forward to, I'm saying value the recently released and updated stuff as much as what isn't out there. Here is a ratio, release/post release coverage of game X should be equal to or greater than prerelease or announcement coverage of X. Do I need a 5000 word review of a DS game? Not really, but how about 3 reviews from reviewers of different backgrounds, old EGM style but with all of them giving an equal take on the subject.

Oh forget it I'm just jealous that unfunny non-writers at joystiq and the like get paid to be the vultures of the game industry.

I wish I had their lives.

I hate video game media #2: Women

Fact: Free time and disposable income are limited.

Fact: Video games can take up a significant portion of one's free time and disposable income.

Fact: Girls can take up a significant portion of one's free time and disposable income.

With free time and disposable income limited many people who are invested in either video games or women can often be unlearned in the other. So when a woman talks about video games she is often talking about stereotypes of video games from 1994.

"Oh my gaw'd they are so violent, I was like, why are we wasting our time at the arcade? You said you would take me to Steketies!" - A woman that I just made up in my head.

And since a woman is confused about what video games are, it is only appropriate that video game media is confused about what to do with humans with the X chromosome. Here is a hastily put together list of what women are to video game media:

Women are my GIRLFRIEND!

If you are writing a review about a game that doesn't involve shooting, it is important to mention what your girlfriend thinks/would think of it. If girlfriend does not exist please make her up or talk about "impressing ladies."

Example: The Wii is an excellent system for my GIRLFRIEND because she pretend the controller is a dwarven shake-weight.

Women are GAMERS TOO!

Just do the job of reviewing the game or previewing the game, or doing the dishes.... we don't need to bring your gender into it. The only turf war that is being waged is inside your own head. The Internet says that women don't play video games because they are the Internet and they hate everything. Your daddy may have told you that you can't be a doctor, and it turns out that's true because now you regurgitate video game press releases for a living.

Women are READING STUFF IN FRONT OF A CAMERA WEARING PROM OUTFITS

I think that anyone who reads any type of news for any type of video production should start off the segment by saying "Hello, My name is _____ and I am talking about _____ and what I say is important because of _____"

Hello, My name is Jessica Chobot and I am talking about video game strategies that aren't really strategies and what I say is important because one time I licked a PSP.

This is coming across as women-hating and it's really not my intention, I just think video game journalism is a joke. How can they cover a rapidly changing industry when they don't even know how to speak to or receive input from women. We here complaints about portrayals of women by the media and its due to the media not knowing how to utilize women period, especially in the video game sector.

Ok I'm done.

I hate video game media #1: Sarcasm/Filler

Someone is getting paid to post this on a popular video game site:

"The latest game console travel case from manufacturer GAEMS -- yes, it's really spelled like that, we promise -- is an unarguably slicker offering than the company's previous products. The pack has room for a 360, 360 S or PS3 Slim console, all the requisite cords and power bricks, a couple of controllers, speakers and a built-in LED monitor -- yet, despite its contents, the GAEMS case isn't the size of a small houseboat. We've only got one, inconceivably nerdy explanation: Bag of Holding. Like, it's gotta be, right?

The case will be released sometime in June for $300 -- though you can knock $20 off the price by pre-ordering before April 20. We wonder if we could pay an extra $20 to get a product that's spelled correctly.Sheeeesh."

So Joystiq.com got a press release about a system travel case with a built-in lcd monitor and thought it was worthy of a post. Actually their sister site engadget got a press release and their post was used for the basis of another post. Scraping the bottom of the barrel but it's Sunday so we'll ignore that for now.

Here is the actual news in the post.

• New Travel Case coming out in June
• Has an LCD Monitor builtin
• 300 dollars in june or 280 if you preorder
• works with xbox 360, xbox 360 S or PS3 Slim, NOT PS3 OLD MODELS (not mentioned in story so I will assume it doesn't work with it)

It's looking like not worthy of a story but they need to keep the view count up so they fill it full of garbage to pad it out. Hmmm... what can we throw in here.. Hey its got a silly name, theres at least 3 sentences! If that doesn't work we can try one of the following ways to turn this into something.

1. Has the company made anything in the past? Was that thing a success or failure? Rub their face in it.

2. Tie it into whatever is most popular this second. "This travel game case WITH THE HILARIOUS NAME would be a tiny alternative for playing Marvel VS. Capcom 3, but it would make the grotesquely large supermoves a more manageable size. Tiny screens can only give you tiny epilepsy!"

3. Mention how you and your coworkers get paid to write about video games and regurgitate press releases for a living. "We'll post a couple more times about this product in June when a free unit gets sent to the Joystiq offices at the AOL mothership. We will gather our staff around and bask in the travel cases 9" of LCD glow. I have a coworker from South Africa named Ludwig."

4. Insert Call of Duty or World of Warcraft any where in the article for any reason.

5. Take a quick pass at press release, find something it can't do and make the article about that. "NO WII SUPPORT? WON'T ANYONE MAKE A CASE FOR ME TO WAGGLE AT?!?!??"

Frustrations with video game media is going to be my theme this week unless anything notable happens (it won't) so I understand if you lose interest and stop reading forever. I think SLEEPY CRICKET might have started a livejournal as they have been out of fashion long enough to be considered contrarian so I recommend checking that out.

Watching People Play Videogames is My Favorite

I enjoy videogames (forget you spell check I'm making it one word) but with my busy and important schedule I don't have time to keep up with them. I try to read about them to fill the gap, but videogame media is terrible and it triggers my gag reflex if I read too much of it. I really despise most of the people who write about videogames, maybe not the people but their work and their personality. But this post is not about the failures of videogame content, it is about the success.

Over the past year I have grown to enjoy people playing videogames and talking about them on the Internet. Not just any people but people who both love videogames and have lived life outside of them enough to be able to speak in a manner that doesn't piss me off.

Here are two amazing sources of my videogame voyeuring:

Giantbomb.com Quicklooks:

http://www.giantbomb.com/videos/

Usually only playing notable games of recent release, these guys are amazing.

Let's Play Archive:

http://lparchive.org/

These are done by members of a message board so they are much more hit or miss. But most of the time they play the complete game and also have a much better selection of older stuff.

That's all I got. I am trying to channel my hatred into a proper write up of the failures of videogame media.

Alpha Protocol

If you don't play videogames, like real ones, there is nothing in this post for you. Move along.

Dear Sega (and to a lesser note reviewers and America as a whole),

Do you hate yourself? Do you like failing? This is like the fourth time you have f-Ed up a sure thing this console generations. People like you! They want you to succeed, but if you keep sabotaging yourself then not even the next sonic rehash will save you. By the way I'm not mad about sonic, even though he was my favorite at a child I now realize that the character has always been terrible. I'm also not mad at the marvel movie games you have been putting out, I'm sure the cost of the movie license cut into the development budget and I don't care because super hero games are terrible and movie games are terrible so I'm pleasantly surprised that a movie licensed super hero gamecase even had a game inside it.

No what I am mad about is "Alpha Protocol: the espionage rpg" I was very interested in this game when it was announced, but the interest waned when it was delayed a week before scheduled release and I saw that Sega was publishing it.

The reviews were mostly "forget this broken POS" which actually made me more interested because videogame reviewers are very different from people who enjoy videogames.

Through a combination of discounts I finally got it at a price worth the risk and I must say: Alpha Protocol is the most delightful game I have played this console generation. I'm not gonna say i think it's better, but 5 hours in I am enjoying it more than Mass Effect 1/2 or Fallout which are games of similar style and much greater critical/commercial success. The game has a lot of jank in it but every game has jank, especially the ones that are trying something new. I read a lot of reviewers complaining about the combat, well A.) it's not splinter cell and B.) Spec your character right.

A. It's not Splinter Cell. They came up with an idea, then they came up with a story and then they fit a game around it. I am a discerning videogame player and I made my peace with that an hour into the game. "The combat doesn't feel responsive" well it's not supposed to be Quake, I assume crud goes wrong in Spy movies and the occasional jank in the combat actually kind of fits. Is it all intentional? No, but there is still enjoyment to be had from a gameplay perspective. Here's something fun, go play a Metal Gear Solid game.... how'd that play? Like it's half broken? Well you gotta put up with it if you want to play the game.

B. Spec your character right. I am not the most hardcore videogame player, especially in RPG's. I've actually never finished a non-American made one (including Zelda or any Final Fantasy). But even I know that trying to make a balenced character is a fools errand, at least the first time around. Gameplay doesn't take in to account an entire character's soul before determining the outcome of a situation, it gives you a couple paths and you need to max out what you need to succeed. In most games that means I max out Speech and Intelligence as soon as possible so I can get the best options, in this game it means I maximise the assualt rifle stats as soon as possible to better work with the weak combat system. If you are lopsided enough in one area a game usually isn't smart enough to exploit your weaknesses. Kind of like with women if you are good enough at one thing they will easily look past your faults (there were links in that sentence but they were deemed too gross to exist upon a second read through)

So I'm not sure who to blame the overall failure of Alpha Protocol on; Sega, who wouldn't know what to do with a hit game if it had one. Reviewers, for just jumping on the bandwagon. Or you, for not seeing this diamond in the rough and buying enough copies so I would get a sequel.

This game was purchased with Fable 3 and DragonAge Origins in a buy 2 get 1 free sale, I am afraid that I won't like them so I haven't played them yet.

EE Video Game Awards 2010!

Welcome game developers, players and girls pretending to be interested in games (the only games women be playing are MIND GAMES... and plants vs zombies). Since expedited emotions is equally committed to video games as SpikeTV we are proud to host such an important and relevant award show. With out any future interruption lets get on to the awards:

Game of the Year: Guitar Hero Warriors of Rock

No other game released in 2010 is as committed to existing as the 17th release of Guitar Hero. We here at expedited emotions polled every single person on the planet and not a single one of them wanted nor knew of this games existence. But it is on store shelves regardless, as if by sheer force of the games own will.

Game Player of the Year: Bean

What do we judge a gamer on? Well in Bean's case we judge them on how they manage the play style an emotions of their co-gamers. We just witnessed Bean tell his team that "they are not even good at this game" even after the team just one the match despite his 14 betrayals. His brief comments to the team undid all of the hard work that I put in when reading both versions of the Nativity story to them during the match.

I believe the function of any media is to inspire an emotional response, and when the game can not do this Bean steps up his game and runs his mouth to make it happen.

Reason to not Play Video Games in 2011: Me getting old and realizing all the life I have wasted.

At 27 years of age I have realized that my princess that my princess is in another castle. And that castle is not in a video game, an arcade, and definitely not in a Gamestop. My princess is out there living her life and doing things that matter while I'm sitting her still feeling sad about the failure of the Dreamcast. Oh well at least I never played World of Warcraft (I was in the pre-release beta back in 2003 but that doesn't count).

Here is a list of things that I should have been working on instead of video games:

1. Piano

2. Becoming an art thief

3. Running a marathon

4. Getting a degree that would be valuable in the job market

5. Developing a personality

Where is my WiiMote award for 2010: My Couch

I can't find it but I know its in there somewhere

Everyone who plays the following games can eat my poo:

Call of Duty: Black Ops

World of Warcraft

Any game facebook that's not scrabble

Red Dead Redemption

Sports Games

Wii Games that aren't made by Nintendo or don't have dancing or light gun-style arcade shooting

(this was going to be a longer post but I think the longer ones scare people away and who can compete with the random cat picture that SLEEPY CRICKET considers a contribution)

Thanks for tuning in to this years EE Video Game Awards, please come back next year as it will be our last before the whole end of the world thing that the movies told me was happening in 2012.