Don't tread on old guys.

Here follows an actual (paraphrased) conversation I over heard at the gym from two old dudes on the ellipticals next to me:


Old Guy nearest to me (OG1): So I heard about Dave. Must have been one of those freak accidents or something.
Old Guy next to him (OG2): Yup.
OG1: A real shame. He never saw it coming. No one did.
OG2: Mm-hm.
OG1: It's really gonna change the game.
OG2: He was the best in shuffleboard.
OG1: Oh yeah. This year will be wide open.
OG2: (Dick Cheney-ish laugh) Weren't you number two last year?
OG1: Why yes, in fact, I was. Wonder what I'll place this year.
OG2: I wonder.
OG1: (Wheezy laugh-turned cough.)


I looked forward the entire time.

My 80s Montage

When I got to the gym, I revert to my formative years. Perhaps it's becuase I feel as awkward in my workout cloths as I did in my own skin when I was young. Whatever the reason, as soon as I start working out, my world becomes a real-time 80s training montage.

It is a great motivator, and to keep the juice flowing, I decided to make a workout playlist consisting of all my favorite 80s montage songs. (DISCLAIMER The 1980s lasted form 1975 until 1995 for the purposes of this list.)
Herefollows my actual playlist:

Theme from Rocky (Gonna Fly Now)
The classic of classics when it comes to training music. Been used and parodied more times then can be imagined.

Eye of the Tiger
More of a recap montage from Rocky, but also a great song in itself.

Hearts on Fire
Probably the best Rocky montage there is. Training to defeat the entire Soviet Union and tear down every wall ever.

NOT on my playlist but found this is the actual title while looking for the other Rocky videos:
Training Montage (Yes, that's the song's title)

You're the Best Around
The Karate Kid was and is one of my favorite movies of all time. I still want to name my son Larusso.

One Foot in Front of the Other
Revenge of the Nerds is a great movie about overcoming adversity. I look the other way about how this was for a cleaning up montage.

Win in the End
Teen Wolf is quite possibly one of the most American movies there is. No Commies here.

Sidekicks Score
Chuck Norris + Kid with Asthma + Faux Oriental sounds = Great Inspirational Bettering Yourself Movie/Music.

Me vs. An Old Guy: Part 1

This New Year I decided to redouble my efforts at weight loss, and gaining a healthier body. I made that solemn pack with the devil know as a “Gym Membership” for the first time in my life. Being the cheap-ass I am, I looked for the cheapest place possible in town. This happens to be located inside a senior community center, where 85% of the gym-goers are 60 and over. I figured this would be less intimidating anyway, since old people are far less likely to point and laugh at you in slow motion.

During my first visit to the gym, I saw that it was sectioned off with one part open area, one part machines, and one part free-weights. The part with the machines was full of people, and since I don’t know enough Yoga to pretend to work out in the open area, I went into the free-weight section. I started doing all the basic exercises there and was feeling okay about it. Then An Old Guy came in and started doing similar exercises on the next bench.

I immediately felt challenged.

Even though he was using smaller weights, had started later, and had probably done this more times than I have, I felt that I HAD to go longer than him simply because I was younger.

I lifted and extended and curled and pressed and punched and cried and just when I thought I had to stop for sure, the old fella finished and walked into the other section.

ViCtOrY!~!

I saw the defeat in his eyes and more importantly I knew that his presence made me do more than I would have otherwise, and I was grateful.

The next day, when I woke up to stiffness and shooting pangs, I was not.