Dec 29, 2010

10 Things I would like to make happen in 2011

1. Moving out of parents place into a not-expensive location with a greater amount of privacy
2. A new job that better uses my gifts and talents
3. A more stable schedule
4. 25% more monies
5. A 10% donation directly taken out of my pay on top of what I already give
6. Saving at least as much dollar wise as I do now even with the increased living expenses
7. Lose 25 pounds due to eating healthier and working out more
8. Go on at least 1 vacation
9. Increase real friends from 5 to 7
10. Keep on keeping on.


Dec 24, 2010

Reflections: Time Sinks that I have given up in 2010

Time Sink: Something that takes a lot of your time and effort in order to be completed. Fequently used in MMORPGS to make customers play longer, thus making them pay more. Time sinks are very, very, very, very, very bad.

Thankfully I've never been that interested in MMORPGS like SleepyCricket has but I got more than my fair share of things that I waste my time on. Here are some time sinks that I gave up or curbed in 2010.

Worrying: I still worry about everything but it is not as crippling as it used to be. I have tried to convert that worrying into preparation or dealing with the actual thing I'm worried about. If you see me being over zealous about something it is probably in an effort to stop worrying about it.

Naps: I used to be the best napper I know, especially when I had a flexible schedule. I used to get home from work, eat some crappy fast food then fall asleep for 2-3 hours, wake up and have no idea what time/day it was. Stay up til about 90 minutes before I was due into work and then start the cycle over again. All of that night time I spent not sleeping could have been used for something but I don't think I did anything fulfilling with my insomnia.

Buying stuff: I think 2010 was the year I really stopped being a good consumer. I still spend but its usually with a reasonable amount of thought or planning. Where as in previous year I would focus on spending overtime monies on some random toy, I think now I can honestly say I let my needs drive most of my purchases instead of the other way around.

Opinions of people I don't like: I really wasted a lot of high school and college worrying about the opinions of people who I shouldn't have given two toots about. I think I made great strides in 2010 in ignoring them. I will let their actions anger me but the fact that they exist is beyond my control (until i start going all Dexter [2 months give or take]) and out of my mind.

The Internet: Yes I have an iPhone and yes that makes me better than you. But I have really reduced my time on the Internet. I used to consider the message board of Somethingawful.com to be a family that I wanted to spend time with, and now I consider them to be an extended family that I don't want to spend time with. My e-penis or whatever the current term for internet popularity is no longer important to me and I think that is a big step in becoming a fully functional adult.

Alright that's it. Merry Christmas.

SLEEPYCRICKET WATCH: He just texted me to say he's in town and he wants to see Tron tomorrow. I will let you know how this one turns out. KEEPYOURFINGERSCROSSED!

Dec 23, 2010

Happy Holidays

TOO TIRED FROM INVENTORY TO WRITE. ENJOY THIS REGIFT FROM 2009!


Random Thought:

I was going to watch this again before posting but the length and my hair scared me away.

Dec 21, 2010

Reflections: Proud of 2010

I did some stuff in 2010, most of it I will look back upon with embarrassment. Here are the only 5 things that I think will be looked upon with pleasant feelings.

I saved some money:
Not enough but forget you its a start. My gadget purchases have been curbed significantly and if I continue the positive trend in savings I will be able to run away from my life next summer/fall.

Here are some savings tricks that worked for me in 2010:
  1. Automatic deposits into hard to reach savings accounts, the harder to reach and sketchier the online bank the better! I'm pretty sure when I'm ready to withdrawl my bank is going to disappear like in the climax of the movie "Blow" but for now I feel like I am making progress.
  2. Curbing youth leadership! In previous years I would do a lot of youth stuff for my church, but due to my hatred of following any church procedure and being taught lessons on attitude, I would just fund all of the events myself. 2010 was the year I gave up that and I am a richer (financially) person for it.
  3. Living at home! It rivals the value of living in a prison but instead of being made someone's prison property, I am merely mocked as if I was someone's prison property by everyone who I mention my living situation to.
60% of my youth leadership stuff:
2010 was the year when I just stopped dealing with people in youth leadership who didn't want to be dealt with. There will be a much longer post about this someday but I finally understand that I am not superman and can't win everyone for team Jesus, or even team humanity. My newly well balanced involvement includes teaching instead of babysitting AND I have not taught "preached" to anyone this year (youth or adult), which in my book makes me a lot less annoying than some of the others of the same volunteer job description.

Remaining me:
People have come and gone but I am for the most part am still me. From previous entries and my personality it is clear that I am not always happy with me but my sappy and depressing moments have been well within the C-Minus standard deviation.

Management Material:
Love it or hate it, it is a completed story and I got to work in some of my besties into it.

So 2010 was a year. More reflection will be coming throughout the week. Also SLEEPY CRICKET texted to apologize for not posting and then refused to respond to my text of forgiveness.



Dec 19, 2010

Reflections: Work in 2010

Last work week of 2010, let us reflect about some events that happened and how they affected me.

Work Wife (Rebecca Cunningham) Left Me:
She actually left me twice, once to go to work at main office and again to take a much better job at a company that is a dream for many of the employees at the company I currently work at. I appreciate the stuffing out of both of the wives, and even though this one is now too good to talk to me anymore, I am happy for her.

Work Mother went on medical leave:
Haven't done a proper post regarding work mother because I think the name explains her well enough. The company and her family has worked her to a wheelchair, despite really riling up another coworker I miss her taking on the work load and keeping select managers off my back. If she was financially secure and her family wasn't so terrible to her I would hope that she wouldn't come back from medical leave, but I have a feeling that she won't be done with my workplace until she is incapacitated permanently. I got to see an ambulance called for her after she passed out on her last day, so that was something.

I got my first raise:
It was 1%, described to me as "thankfully we have some money to throw around this year, happy to report you will be getting a (lists actual dollar amount that 1% of my yearly salary would be) and that will be RETROACTIVE for the start of the year. I would have been less angry if they would have given me nothing, or taken 1% away from everyone in the company including myself.

I got numerous rejection letters (both internal and external jobs) and 0 interviews:
Currently have an application pending for a job that is the exact description of my talents (apparently they need someone to taunt SLEEPY CRICKET and make rape jokes at Kellogg), we will see what interesting way they will phrase "not interested at this time" in their rejection letter.

I made an awesome joke:
There is a office coffee pot at my workplace, it is terrible and digusting. There is one guy who really loves the coffee. I made this joke:

"I like my women like I like my coffee; smelly and left over from (guy who drinks all the coffee)."

It was the highlight of my work week, possibly my career.

HERE'S TO PROFESSIONALLY SUCCESSFUL 2011!

Dec 18, 2010

Notable stuff in "Love and Other Drugs"


Finally saw the recent flop "Love and Other Drugs" this evening and I thought I would post some thoughts about it on this forgotten about flop of a blog. Before I get started though, has anyone had received any proof of life on SLEEPY CRICKET recently? I'm looking for something more real than a facebook update or txt message... maybe something like a blog post?

5 Notable things about "Love and Other Drugs"
Everytime Anne Hathaway acts, she has to show a boob. I'm going to assume it is not acting for a woman to act like she is attracted to Jake Gylenhal. I don't actually think I would be acting if I pretended to be attracted to Jake Gylenhal, because it wouldn't be pretending. But in the movie Anne Hathaway has an illness that rears its head whenever it is neccessary to move the movie forward or hold it back. In those scenes there is crying or screaming or shaking body parts. But for each scene that is sent for consideration for an academy award, the movie gives us a scene of equivelent length of Anne Hathaway's boob doing something. When her character is just doing one thing like trying to open a medicine bottle, we will just be treated to one boob. But if she is doing two things like making a joke and acting coy, we will soon be exposed to both boobs.

"Love and Other Drugs"= 40% Anne Hathaway Acting+ 40% Anne Hathaway Boobs+ 20% Jake Gylenhal trying to learn how to act or see boobs.

"Love and Other Drugs" is every single movie. What kind of movie do you want to see tonight? Well before you answer "Love and Other Drugs" will try to be that movie for 15 minutes before giving up and moving on to the next genre.

The following things happen in the movie:
Cocky guy becomes responsible (Coming of age story)
Scientist play God and try to create a hybrid animal (SPLICE)
Fat actor says things loudly (Jack Black movie)
Overly long sex scenes (The Room)
Cocky guy tries to start a real relationship with manic pixie dream girl (Garden State)
Cocky guy tries to sell stuff or win something (competitive movie)
Girl is sick (Love story)
Bitter Doctor keeps it real (that one... every episode of house)
Serial killer puts people in traps that test their willingness to live (Saw 1-8)
Dinosaurs cloned through bugs caught in tree sap (Jurrassic Park)

And that is far from all that "Love and Other Drugs" tries to be.

"Love and Other Drugs" has viagra jokes. See it's funny because the drug affects your penis (unless you are a woman, then it has no affect on your penis).

"Love and Other Drugs" almost made me lose my wallet. I feel like movie seats are made so that crap falls on the ground.

"Love and Other Drugs" has a twist ending. Turns out she was already dead and he was talking to her ghost the entire time.

Despite its many flaws its a watchable but totally misguided movie. I also pray that the character playing the fat brother character never acts again.

Dec 16, 2010

Men who deserve your respect: Matthew David McConaughey

There is something to be respect about a man who knows what he is. I wish I knew who I was and acted accordingly. That is why I am proud to announce the first man who deserves your respect to be Matthew David McConaughey. When Matthew David McConaughey first broke in to real movies like Dazed and Confused and A Time to Kill (he was the one who didn't say "YES THEY DESERVED TO DIE...") people were all like, "This guy is the next pre-fat Marlon Brando!" And hearing humanity's cry Matthew David McConaughey whispered.... "no."

"I am not Marlon Brando, in fact I'm not really sure who that guy is aside from my favorite part of Island of Dr. Monroe. I am a cartoon version of what today's WalMart-woman fantasy man is. I am going to do the easiest movies with the biggest paychecks. I am going to take my shirt off, a lot. I am going to keep working this accent till I make Texan people sound not-Texan"

Matthew David McConaughey has lived up to this statement of purpose for over 20 years in the acting industry. Any attempts to be something more than that rapidly aging hot guy were met with guffaws, not just by movie-goers but by Matthew David McConaughey himself.

In my 27 years I have built up quite the quote book, one of my more recent gems was "I can be more than funny" (which was said with a straight face because I totally meant it and was trying to impress a girl with it). If I were half the man Matthew David McConaughey is I would have said, "I might be able to be more than funny, but why try when being funny gets me paid with the least amount of effort. Alright I gotta go, Lance Armstrong needs me to help him stretch out before his next commercial." God made Matthew David McConaughey a likeably generic southerner, God gave me the ability to string a humorous sentence together; if I could only be as happy with my gifts as Matthew David McConaughey is with his.

But we see that Matthew David McConaughey is a very successful (financially) actor, and I still live in my mother's basement (40% by choice). So some gifts are appreciated by society and some are less appreciated... but unlike Matthew David McConaughey I am too afraid to stake my claim on my God given gifts. Too insecure to be content to be the man that God made me to be. My infrequent quest for self improvement is just a sad joke that only I find amusing (like those 9/11 ones). If I had Matthew David McConaughey's faith I would march my PT Cruiser down to New York, force my way on stage during Amateur Night at the Apollo and present my God given gift.
I'm not going to perform at Amateur Night at the Apollo. The closest I imagine myself coming to it is performing my Cat Poem at the next youth group talent show. Right now I am so on the fence about being who I am that even updating this blog is a stretch. The only reason I update as often as I do is that SLEEPY CRICKET and my lopsided partnership in the blog gives me something to throw back in his face whenever I remember how much better his job and other opportunities are than mine. I think God also made me really good about being bitter so I'm going to follow in the footsteps of Matthew David McConaughey and call him out.

You hear that Jason? I blog more than you. And I just bought a projector for 7% of the price of yours so you can't non-verbally/not-actually hold that over my head any more. Hope you're having fun in Ohio, or as they call it America's Sphincter (my girlfriend.... ahem MY GIRLFRIEND informs me that the sphincter, doesn't just mean an A-Hole... eh whatever you get the picture, if you aren't offended by that, please tell me something else you hold dear so that I may insult that instead. How are you by the way? Are you coming back for the holidays? If I could meet your family at that chinese buffet again that would be fun. I have a christmas card for you but I'm too lazy to mail it.)

Dec 14, 2010

EOE: Spinsters

HR Person: Thanks for coming in today C-Minus.

C-Minus: ...

HR Person: I am here to talk to you about your discriminatory attitude towards some of your fellow employees.

C-Minus: ...

HR Person: Oh not the darker ones, you actually have some room to step up your discriminatory attitudes towards them and be within the company guidelines. What I want to talk to you about is your attitude and actions toward Marge.

C-Minus: ...

HR Person: I know what you are thinking. "Who the f- cares about Marge?" And the answer is... well not many. And that's why we must gather together as a company and treat her with the respect you would show a creepy aunt who stopped by because she thought it was thanksgiving.

C-Minus: ...

HR Person: Listen Marge made a choice with her life. And that choice was to live vicariously through others in place of living herself. Of anyone I expected you to understand that.

C-Minus: ...

HR Person: You should understand that because you live your life vicariously through the internet. But you didn't make that choice, every other person made that choice when they decided to keep your relationship internet-tonic.

C-Minus: ...

HR Person: So good we are on the same page, but you are probably asking yourself, "Self, How can I show Marge that I am not discriminatory about people who are loud and shirill and so terribly alone." Well first you can greet her politely every time you see her, which is every 5 seconds because we don't have cubicle walls or non-hidious views in this office.

C-Minus: ...

HR Person: And be sure to ask her how her non-existent life is going! She will give you up to the minute details, IN REAL TIME. If she spent an hour and a half watching a teen comedy this weekend then you better get an hour and half of work out of the way so you can pay strict attention to her story.

C- Minus: ...

HR Person: AND THE OPINIONS! Be sure to stick around for the opinions.

C- Minus: .. MARGE!: OH HEY WHATS GOING ON IN HERE! I GOT NEW PICS OF GRANDBABIES!

C- Minus: ???

HR Person: Marge so lovely to see you... slightly curious about how grandbabies can exist in your life. But nevermind that. How was your weekend?

MARGE! IT WAS 4 DAYS AGO SILLY. BECAUSE IT'S THURSDAY. SO READY FOR THIS WEEKEND THOUGH. A NEW NARNIA MOVIE CAME OUT AND I'M READY FOR IT, GOT THE GRANDBABIES ON BOARD AND WE'RE READY TO JUST HAVE A KIDS NIGHT OUT.

C- Minus: ...

HR Person: That sounds lovely. I was just finishing my chat/write up with C- Minus. C- Minus do you have anything to ask MARGE?

C- Minus: ...

...

Do you like

...

stuff?

MARGE! OH MY GAWD YOU HAVE NO IDEASOMETIMESIJUSTGOTOMYONEROOM55+APARTMENTCOMPLEXANDITWASCRAZYA;SLDFUWQOEIRJQSDKLFJBXZCLKVJBAE;LFKJASWHEREHASMYLIFEGONEIAMSOALONEC-MINUSTHERESSTILLTIMEFORTOCHANGEDON'TENDUPLIKETHISRUNNNNN!

C- Minus: ... k.

HR Person: That will be all then. Thanks for stopping by C- Minus.

MARGE! OH HR PERSON I'M GONNA NEED FRIDAY OFF TO WATCH THE FIRST 2 NARNIA MOVIES K THX TOOODLES, TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT MONDAY INSTEAD OF WORK.

Dec 11, 2010

EE Video Game Awards 2010!

Welcome game developers, players and girls pretending to be interested in games (the only games women be playing are MIND GAMES... and plants vs zombies). Since expedited emotions is equally committed to video games as SpikeTV we are proud to host such an important and relevant award show. With out any future interruption lets get on to the awards:

Game of the Year: Guitar Hero Warriors of Rock
No other game released in 2010 is as committed to existing as the 17th release of Guitar Hero. We here at expedited emotions polled every single person on the planet and not a single one of them wanted nor knew of this games existence. But it is on store shelves regardless, as if by sheer force of the games own will.

Game Player of the Year: Bean
What do we judge a gamer on? Well in Bean's case we judge them on how they manage the play style an emotions of their co-gamers. We just witnessed Bean tell his team that "they are not even good at this game" even after the team just one the match despite his 14 betrayals. His brief comments to the team undid all of the hard work that I put in when reading both versions of the Nativity story to them during the match.

I believe the function of any media is to inspire an emotional response, and when the game can not do this Bean steps up his game and runs his mouth to make it happen.

Reason to not Play Video Games in 2011: Me getting old and realizing all the life I have wasted.
At 27 years of age I have realized that my princess that my princess is in another castle. And that castle is not in a video game, an arcade, and definitely not in a Gamestop. My princess is out there living her life and doing things that matter while I'm sitting her still feeling sad about the failure of the Dreamcast. Oh well at least I never played World of Warcraft (I was in the pre-release beta back in 2003 but that doesn't count).

Here is a list of things that I should have been working on instead of video games:

1. Piano
2. Becoming an art thief
3. Running a marathon
4. Getting a degree that would be valuable in the job market
5. Developing a personality

Where is my WiiMote award for 2010: My Couch
I can't find it but I know its in there somewhere

Everyone who plays the following games can eat my poo:
Call of Duty: Black Ops
World of Warcraft
Any game facebook that's not scrabble
Red Dead Redemption
Sports Games
Wii Games that aren't made by Nintendo or don't have dancing or light gun-style arcade shooting

(this was going to be a longer post but I think the longer ones scare people away and who can compete with the random cat picture that SLEEPY CRICKET considers a contribution)

Thanks for tuning in to this years EE Video Game Awards, please come back next year as it will be our last before the whole end of the world thing that the movies told me was happening in 2012.

Dec 10, 2010

Meow meow meow

I'm a kitty cat and I like to drink milk. It is also my duty to destroy all of mankind. Good luck humans, your life is will be worth nothing shortly.

Dec 8, 2010

Suck it

Twitter test

This is a test to see if the twitter is working...

Ok, it's not working.

[Delete Post]

Hmm, that didn't work.

/Delete_Post

F word.

Delete_Post.exe

Ok, where's my mouse...

Dec 7, 2010

I am watching High School Musical non-ironically

and yet I am still more of a man tonight than Sleepy Cricket. You know why? When this Disney Channel Original Movie is over I can resume my normal life with this secret pleasure behind me. But Sleepy Cricket, well apparently his secret pleasure has been accepted by society. Yes, it is true SLEEPY'S obsession with the time/life/COOL sink World of Warcraft is real... and it's killing him.

The lunch room musical number has inspired me to plead with SLEEPY to kick the WoW habit.

"No, no, no, nooooooooooo
(stop playing World of Warcraft)
No, no, no
(seriously, the expansion doesn't make WoW any more acceptable to play)
Stick to the stuff you know
(like anti-social activities that people find endearing despite you being 24)
If you wanna be cool
(and that is your life's goal)
Follow one simple rule
(or any rule you CONTRARIAN)
Don't mess with the flow, no no
(I think Zach Efron is prettier than Vennessa Hudgens. I bet his vagina's got less gunk in it too what do you think?)
Stick to the status quo

MOVIE UPDATE: The non-show tune score of this movie is just a bigger budget ROOM theme.

Anyways here are some things that SLEEPY should be doing instead of WoW:

1. Make a strong part in your recently growed out hair. Only my Efron can pull off the comb down thing that you been pushing. Have you thought about curling your hair into a carrot top style afro and becoming mulatto? I think that would be a good look for you.

2. Join the local high school play. Just imagine if you put your angst to good use? I bet you could sing the heck out of "Get your head in the game" or that other one.

3. Pay attention and sing duets with Gabriella. That girl that just transferred to your office because her mother's job got moved to Albuquerque. She said she used to be a freaky math girl, but here at East High she's just happy to blend in. I bet if you took a break from WoW you could spend some time with her and teach her that stage fright is nothing to be stage frightened of through the power of song.

4. GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME. If you didn't spend so much time focusing on your virtual character you would realize how far you've fallen from your potential. As HSM has shown you can be either a basketball player or a drama-kid, those are your choices... and you aren't either so obviously you need to focus more about where you are in your life.

5. My favorite character in High School Musical is the black girl's hair and the stuff that she has in her hair. In the beginning she had like this 5" headband thing, and later on in the movie they show her progress as a non-character by not having things restraining her hair. So it's got this shake and weave and stuff and it really seems to be acting it's follicles out. I hope they give her hair lines and possibly a song in the sequel.

This could be the start
(but only if you stop playing WoW)
Of something new
(such as having a real life)
It feels so right
(probably feel even right-er if you quit the blog as well [LET YOU EVER STARTED THE BLOG IN THE FIRST PLACE])
To be here with you
(...)
And now looking in your eyes
(...)
I feel in my heart
(...)
The start of something new
(... Ok I'm sick of hiding this, I'm jealous of the relationship with World of Warcraft. I wish you could base your life around this blog or just our relationship like you do that darn game. Why can't our love for each other be enough? If you want to throw away 13.95 a month then we can go to steak and shake. I know I'm not John Pudy but... you know what I'm here. And I've been her month after month despite you letting our friendship subscription lapse. If you put as much attention on me as you did that game then.... well I can't promise you'd level up but you could probably get a mount out of it.)

Ok so the Basketball/Quiz Bowl/Musical Audition scene is taking place so I must end this post before I get too wrapped up in the spirit of the movie and embarrass myself.

TOODLES!

C- Minus

Dec 6, 2010

What a, "Cataclysmic," night? Haha? *Boom* Shot in the face

So guess what's coming out tonight C-Mindy? That's right, the expansion to a video game you don't care about. While I'm excited. The world of Azeroth is shaken once more by it's most fiercest villain to date. Everything has changed! Well, except Exodar. Nobodies touchin' Exodar and for good reason. The Draenei have protected their home city with a magic shield of mediocrity once more. Well, there's never been a villain evil enough to have the Alliance and Horde set aside their differences and work together. One day...

Dec 5, 2010

The SEGA DREAMCAST was ahead of its time

This post is very nerdy. Not in a Big Bang Theory "Aspergers are so cute" kind of way. But a "who the f cares about some stupid videogame system Charlie? It's posts like this that remind me why you are 27 years old and still living in your mother's basement. Another unrelated perception is that you seem to prowl for women at church events which makes me uncomfortable. I'm going to ignore you from now on and focus my attention on escapist entertainment like awful sitcoms where nerds ignore basic human functions for seasons at a time just to keep the forced star wars and physics jokes coming."-kind of way. Feel free to not read, this blog post will not be on the test.

Many believe that theSega Dreamcast was the final hardware failure from Sega before they came to their senses and became a software publisher for all game platforms. I think that is more accurate to say that the video game industry failed Sega and now they get this mutated half-beast joke of a video game publisher as a resort. Almost anything you enjoy about modern video game consoles and software was pioneered by Sega and mostly ignored by you. Since only 1 person is going to read beyond the title of this blog post I will get onto my reasons why
we as a human race failed the good people at Sega and are doomed to see everything we once loved be destroyed, Sega produced or otherwise.

1. We were too attached to the Electronic Arts of 1999.
I am completely with you that in 1999 Electronic Arts ran this industry on the strength of Madden alone. And the fact that they decided not to make their games for the Dreamcast was probably the killing strike towards
the system in terms of mainstream audiences. I am not a sports guy, but the SPORTS! 2K series was produced to fill the void and it did so fantastically. Most sports people rated them at least comparably to EA's stuff and many said they were a hell of a lot better. I'm sure telling a sports person to change games is like trying to get a junkie to service some other part of the body for drug money, but the switch was worth it. Especially worth it in the first year of the Dreamcast where the other options were on PS1/N64 and looked like ColecoVision by comparison.

If you are still reading, Mom, please take a moment to find your Playstation 1 and play a game... any game in it. How's that 320x240 resolution look? Unwatchable. Now come to my room and play the Dreamcast for a moment. Still looks pretty good right? Bringing me to my next point.

2. We had learned to love the terrible graphics on PS1/N64 games
I don't know if we were still thrilled to be playing 3D games, but the frame rate, resolution and blurriness of 99% of PS1/N64 games was inexcusable. If I were a game designer I would think that if I couldn't do something on a specific piece of hardware I wouldn't try... but that is sadly not the case. So when the Dreamcast came out and had the same types of games, only this time pretty to look at with decent frame rates, Joe America would say that he already had a pixelly version of that game and dismiss the system entirely.

I will concede that a lot of Dreamcast games were merely uprezed ports of PS1 games, but they were always the absolute best versions. Today every game that sells more than a dozen units has an ULTIMATE COLLECTORS EDITION. Well I consider every Dreamcast game to be the ONLY PLAYABLE VERSION, because it is actually a better version of the game most of my friends were playing.

3. Playstation 2 might come out sometime in the near future
I watch TV, and if you were to turn it on from the years of 1998 to pre9/11 the news would probably be talking about how awesome the PS2 is going to be/is. On top of that you had the DVD factor which I didn't even think would be as much of a thing as it was. But its annoying how every single conversation about the Dreamcast had to begin and end with PS2.

"Well it won't be out for a year or one store shelves for 2 years but the PS2 is going to totally blow the Dreamcast out of the water. Anyway I heard Crazy Taxi was pretty fun. PS2 is definitely going to be the thing that gets me a girlfriend, good grades and a free ride through life. Alright man see you on the bus, how many people have called you gay today? Only 7? That's an improvement."
-Paraphrasing every conversation my friends and I would have in high school

4. No one cares about arcade games
Ok here is one where Sega legitimately was on the wrong. They are an arcade company, so they have a lot of product that is based on people putting quarters in a machine. About this time arcades became irrelevant and the software for them didn't sell the Dreamcast like it sold the Genesis and that dozen Saturn systems that sold from the Grand Rapids KB Toys. Crazy Taxi is awesome but it was a tough value proposition of that game being 15 minutes of fun at a time compared with the 70 hours of depressing Final Fantasy for the same price.

That being said, if Sega gets their head out of their butt, they could use the casual game trend to make every dollar but making their arcade stuff easily available on iPhones and the like.

5. The Internet was a mythical beast in 1999
In 1999 no one knew what the Internet was. AOL was a legitimate thing to pay 21.99 a month for dial up access and people would sign multiple year commitments to an ISP for a cheap computer... actually that trend has just moved on to cellphones. The Sega Dreamcast could browse the Internet and a year in, play games over the included 56K modem. Yes 56K sucks but it was playable, Sega actually had decent networking in the games I tried and I didn't encounter too much lag despite using WebTV for dialup access. By the time online play/SegaNet kicked off the PS2 was out and the Dreamcast pretty much admitted defeat, but it is rarely acknowledged as the thing that really kicked off the whole console online gaming thing.

But back in 1999 I assume the general public were mainly using the Internet to keep their GeoCities updated while looking for nude codes for Tomb Raider (another game that looked much better on Dreamcast [although the ones that came out for it were terrible]).

So those are the 5 reasons I believe that we as a people failed the Dreamcast. I think in a couple years from now this will be clearly stated as humanity's greatest mistake. The destruction of the environment and various genocides that have taken place over the years will pale into comparison to the fact that we did not throw enough money at a mismanaged company's video game device.

Our grandchildren will be paying the cost of our video game purchasing transgressions.

Dec 2, 2010

You can't make an omelet without breaking

OUT SOME DELETED SCENES!


Ok its not a scene it's 2 lines and its terrible. Speaking of terrible I am watching Operation: Endgame. It's got everyone of "THAT GUY!"'s from other movies and has them just improving vulgarities around a super low budget DVD spy movie. I'm wondering what actually made the actors say yes to this. Probably just an easy paycheck and a week of notacting. I guess the better question is why does this movie exist? Why did anyone give this guy money? I'm assuming the famous faces are enough to recoup the cost.. but why does it exist?

Did the guy behind this have a story he wanted to tell? I can't imagine so. Why does any piece of media exist? Why do I keep making my little videos that I am immediately embarrassed by? I don't think its completely an ego thing. I also don't think, at least in this project, it was some epic tale that I needed to get out of me. I have that epic. And I'm not going to tell anyone about it until I'm ready to do it. Oh forget it, its a less hacky version of Crash set in a liquidating Meijer-esque superstore. Instead of an examination of race it would look at class systems and values. In my head its pretentious as heck and I'm not working on it until it doesn't make me sound like a douche.

Movie update: Rob Coddry just killed the black kid from Tropic Thunder with a papershredder. It would have been cool if they would have had any type of effects/prop budget, but as with every movie made since Bourne it just cuts away or gets shaky.

I think I made Management Material to prove to myself that I still had it in me. It had been a while since I tried something serious... or seriouser than a holiday video. And it didn't turn out great but it had a beginning middle and end. I'm not some tortured artist, and I think thats why at the end of the day I can get something done. Where as others would cry after what they don't have I can usually put something together with what little I have.

Move update: That girl who is always the nemesis in romantic comedies just killed the blond pregnant girl from LOST with the blade of a paper cutter. It was better when John Stewart did it in the Faculty.

I'm now 45 minutes into the movie, I still hate it but maybe it was this dude's first gig writing/directing or whatever. Maybe this wasn't what he wanted to do but it was what was available. A stepping stone to something special. He'll move on from this one, to a slightly less cruddy one, and maybe if he doesn't loose his soul he'll make something real.

Movie update: Character just witnessed violence and asked the camera (POV of another actor) if it was appropriate to be turned on right now. I now have the urge to cut that running line out of Management Material or just delete the entire project to remove any association with this movie.

Dec 1, 2010

Gahhhhh!!! Ohio, WTF?!?

This state has caused me to ramble incoherently. C Minus gave me a digital scribble pad. And so this developed with less value than the time put into it...

I think I have 5 friends... that's good right?

Upon reading this post I believe I have been turned into a pregnant woman with messed up hormone levels, I mean who else could read the worthless laugh free angst that is below? I have consulted the Internet on what to do to regain my humor and testicles, they have advised me to sample my own urine and get back to them. Until me and the Internet diagnose the problem I will leave this post up as a reminder to everyone that I am feminine in both my man-boobs and my writing style.


Today I have more friends than I have ever had in my entire life, and that number is 5. The final spot is shared between the two work wives, one of which no longer works with me and neither of them I interact with outside of work. All 5 have made some type of appearance on this blog and at least 2 of them have read it. Should I be proud of having 5 friends? I think pre-25 year old C-Minus would either be envious of my current 5 real friends or delusional enough to think he currently has more.

When I first got a cellphone I would put in everyone/things number I could find. This includes random acquaintances who I have barely speak to, family members who I would put in just to pad out letters with few names under them, and I will admit for the first time ever that I have used the "I can't find my phone, can you call it so I can locate it by the hip jamster ringtone?" at least 3 times in real life to obtain a number. Yes all 3 of them were girls. Yes I understand how pathetic that is. I wouldn't contact these people, they would be there just so I would have some identities to look at when I was too scared to reach out to someone.

I stopped being cute at the age of 8. I realized I wasn't cute at age 12. I started being bitter about not being cute at age 14. Each one of these touchstones made me a more closed off person, by the age of 14 I would limit most of my interactions with people to some scripted dialogue trees that I could easily control. Throw in some well rehearsed jokes and I could almost make it a full school day without being called a slur term used to describe homosexuals or Jews. Path of least resistance. I use that term often these days, but back then I used it as a lifestyle.

But C-Minus without real human interaction makes C-Minus a terrible person speaking in third person. As 14 turned to 17 turned to 21 I started to feel like some kinda robot. A robot who existed to eat fast food, work crappy jobs, play videogames, pleasure himself, track down serial killers and use my skills as a blood splatter analyst to murder them, and then go to sleep.

Sometime around 21 my life took some dark but still lame turns until a family member I looked up to got sick. To quote the awful movie Elizabethtown, she and the rest of our family was met with a "hurricane of love." During this health stuggle, one of the many entirely self-centered feelings I had was jealousy. What did my family member do that was so freaking special to warrant every random person to come out of the woodwork and support her? This family member kind of treats her friends like crap, but she was open with them and they accepted her. She was free with her love and friendship... almost irresponsibly so.

As she overcame her illness I used this time to selfishly reflect upon my life and realize that loving and being loved is more important than beating the 4th Splinter Cell game (especially the 4th one, oh man that game sucked). But I am not my family member, I am not a "popular person" with a "charismatic personality" who people are "drawn too." But I think that's a good thing because it also helps me not be not an irresponsible friend. I have been stood up and dumped on too many times by too many people to just excitedly bounce from one BFF to the next one.

I look at the relationships with the 5 friends I have now and I am proud of them. I am not proud of much in my life but I have worked, seriously worked to have these people in my life and me in theirs. Sleepy Cricket is on the friends list, he's only been there for about a year too. We knew of each other for a couple years before that and I felt we should be tight before that but me being closed off to people and him being aspergery it took me kicking down the door and forcing myself on him (________________there was a gay sex joke here but I thought it would be more fun for me to just leave this blank spot for you to fill in your own with marker) in order to make it happen.


Over the past 4 years I think I have learned how to be a good friend. For me it requires some sacrifice and taking a bit of a chance, but I think I'm usually up to it. Not to toot my own horn but I'm like the non-tree version of the giving tree. In fact just yesterday I told Bean he could cut down my trunk so he could make a canoe or however that story goes. Sometimes I think I treat my friends more like responsibilities than friends, I feel like I need to protect them from others or isolate them from parts of my life. I just thought about my 5 friends and realized aside from 2 of them and the wives they all come from different parts of my life. For the most part we don't get together like the cast of Friends (if we did I would be Chandler... Sleepy Cricket could be Gunther), they are connected through me and I like that. When one pushes to see the others on my friends list, I normally push back. You are my friend and I hope that I am yours, this other person is my other friend and you'll see them if/when you see them. Is that possessive? I really don't care that we have other friends, in fact I think it makes us better friends, but I'm not here to set up play dates and then worry if you two don't get along or get along too well. I'm also not here to be your dad your dad, not your matchmaker, not your director, not your comedian, not your eye candy, not your charity case. I'm here to be your friend.