Dec 29, 2010

10 Things I would like to make happen in 2011

1. Moving out of parents place into a not-expensive location with a greater amount of privacy
2. A new job that better uses my gifts and talents
3. A more stable schedule
4. 25% more monies
5. A 10% donation directly taken out of my pay on top of what I already give
6. Saving at least as much dollar wise as I do now even with the increased living expenses
7. Lose 25 pounds due to eating healthier and working out more
8. Go on at least 1 vacation
9. Increase real friends from 5 to 7
10. Keep on keeping on.


Dec 24, 2010

Reflections: Time Sinks that I have given up in 2010

Time Sink: Something that takes a lot of your time and effort in order to be completed. Fequently used in MMORPGS to make customers play longer, thus making them pay more. Time sinks are very, very, very, very, very bad.

Thankfully I've never been that interested in MMORPGS like SleepyCricket has but I got more than my fair share of things that I waste my time on. Here are some time sinks that I gave up or curbed in 2010.

Worrying: I still worry about everything but it is not as crippling as it used to be. I have tried to convert that worrying into preparation or dealing with the actual thing I'm worried about. If you see me being over zealous about something it is probably in an effort to stop worrying about it.

Naps: I used to be the best napper I know, especially when I had a flexible schedule. I used to get home from work, eat some crappy fast food then fall asleep for 2-3 hours, wake up and have no idea what time/day it was. Stay up til about 90 minutes before I was due into work and then start the cycle over again. All of that night time I spent not sleeping could have been used for something but I don't think I did anything fulfilling with my insomnia.

Buying stuff: I think 2010 was the year I really stopped being a good consumer. I still spend but its usually with a reasonable amount of thought or planning. Where as in previous year I would focus on spending overtime monies on some random toy, I think now I can honestly say I let my needs drive most of my purchases instead of the other way around.

Opinions of people I don't like: I really wasted a lot of high school and college worrying about the opinions of people who I shouldn't have given two toots about. I think I made great strides in 2010 in ignoring them. I will let their actions anger me but the fact that they exist is beyond my control (until i start going all Dexter [2 months give or take]) and out of my mind.

The Internet: Yes I have an iPhone and yes that makes me better than you. But I have really reduced my time on the Internet. I used to consider the message board of Somethingawful.com to be a family that I wanted to spend time with, and now I consider them to be an extended family that I don't want to spend time with. My e-penis or whatever the current term for internet popularity is no longer important to me and I think that is a big step in becoming a fully functional adult.

Alright that's it. Merry Christmas.

SLEEPYCRICKET WATCH: He just texted me to say he's in town and he wants to see Tron tomorrow. I will let you know how this one turns out. KEEPYOURFINGERSCROSSED!

Dec 23, 2010

Happy Holidays

TOO TIRED FROM INVENTORY TO WRITE. ENJOY THIS REGIFT FROM 2009!


Random Thought:

I was going to watch this again before posting but the length and my hair scared me away.

Dec 21, 2010

Reflections: Proud of 2010

I did some stuff in 2010, most of it I will look back upon with embarrassment. Here are the only 5 things that I think will be looked upon with pleasant feelings.

I saved some money:
Not enough but forget you its a start. My gadget purchases have been curbed significantly and if I continue the positive trend in savings I will be able to run away from my life next summer/fall.

Here are some savings tricks that worked for me in 2010:
  1. Automatic deposits into hard to reach savings accounts, the harder to reach and sketchier the online bank the better! I'm pretty sure when I'm ready to withdrawl my bank is going to disappear like in the climax of the movie "Blow" but for now I feel like I am making progress.
  2. Curbing youth leadership! In previous years I would do a lot of youth stuff for my church, but due to my hatred of following any church procedure and being taught lessons on attitude, I would just fund all of the events myself. 2010 was the year I gave up that and I am a richer (financially) person for it.
  3. Living at home! It rivals the value of living in a prison but instead of being made someone's prison property, I am merely mocked as if I was someone's prison property by everyone who I mention my living situation to.
60% of my youth leadership stuff:
2010 was the year when I just stopped dealing with people in youth leadership who didn't want to be dealt with. There will be a much longer post about this someday but I finally understand that I am not superman and can't win everyone for team Jesus, or even team humanity. My newly well balanced involvement includes teaching instead of babysitting AND I have not taught "preached" to anyone this year (youth or adult), which in my book makes me a lot less annoying than some of the others of the same volunteer job description.

Remaining me:
People have come and gone but I am for the most part am still me. From previous entries and my personality it is clear that I am not always happy with me but my sappy and depressing moments have been well within the C-Minus standard deviation.

Management Material:
Love it or hate it, it is a completed story and I got to work in some of my besties into it.

So 2010 was a year. More reflection will be coming throughout the week. Also SLEEPY CRICKET texted to apologize for not posting and then refused to respond to my text of forgiveness.



Dec 19, 2010

Reflections: Work in 2010

Last work week of 2010, let us reflect about some events that happened and how they affected me.

Work Wife (Rebecca Cunningham) Left Me:
She actually left me twice, once to go to work at main office and again to take a much better job at a company that is a dream for many of the employees at the company I currently work at. I appreciate the stuffing out of both of the wives, and even though this one is now too good to talk to me anymore, I am happy for her.

Work Mother went on medical leave:
Haven't done a proper post regarding work mother because I think the name explains her well enough. The company and her family has worked her to a wheelchair, despite really riling up another coworker I miss her taking on the work load and keeping select managers off my back. If she was financially secure and her family wasn't so terrible to her I would hope that she wouldn't come back from medical leave, but I have a feeling that she won't be done with my workplace until she is incapacitated permanently. I got to see an ambulance called for her after she passed out on her last day, so that was something.

I got my first raise:
It was 1%, described to me as "thankfully we have some money to throw around this year, happy to report you will be getting a (lists actual dollar amount that 1% of my yearly salary would be) and that will be RETROACTIVE for the start of the year. I would have been less angry if they would have given me nothing, or taken 1% away from everyone in the company including myself.

I got numerous rejection letters (both internal and external jobs) and 0 interviews:
Currently have an application pending for a job that is the exact description of my talents (apparently they need someone to taunt SLEEPY CRICKET and make rape jokes at Kellogg), we will see what interesting way they will phrase "not interested at this time" in their rejection letter.

I made an awesome joke:
There is a office coffee pot at my workplace, it is terrible and digusting. There is one guy who really loves the coffee. I made this joke:

"I like my women like I like my coffee; smelly and left over from (guy who drinks all the coffee)."

It was the highlight of my work week, possibly my career.

HERE'S TO PROFESSIONALLY SUCCESSFUL 2011!

Dec 18, 2010

Notable stuff in "Love and Other Drugs"


Finally saw the recent flop "Love and Other Drugs" this evening and I thought I would post some thoughts about it on this forgotten about flop of a blog. Before I get started though, has anyone had received any proof of life on SLEEPY CRICKET recently? I'm looking for something more real than a facebook update or txt message... maybe something like a blog post?

5 Notable things about "Love and Other Drugs"
Everytime Anne Hathaway acts, she has to show a boob. I'm going to assume it is not acting for a woman to act like she is attracted to Jake Gylenhal. I don't actually think I would be acting if I pretended to be attracted to Jake Gylenhal, because it wouldn't be pretending. But in the movie Anne Hathaway has an illness that rears its head whenever it is neccessary to move the movie forward or hold it back. In those scenes there is crying or screaming or shaking body parts. But for each scene that is sent for consideration for an academy award, the movie gives us a scene of equivelent length of Anne Hathaway's boob doing something. When her character is just doing one thing like trying to open a medicine bottle, we will just be treated to one boob. But if she is doing two things like making a joke and acting coy, we will soon be exposed to both boobs.

"Love and Other Drugs"= 40% Anne Hathaway Acting+ 40% Anne Hathaway Boobs+ 20% Jake Gylenhal trying to learn how to act or see boobs.

"Love and Other Drugs" is every single movie. What kind of movie do you want to see tonight? Well before you answer "Love and Other Drugs" will try to be that movie for 15 minutes before giving up and moving on to the next genre.

The following things happen in the movie:
Cocky guy becomes responsible (Coming of age story)
Scientist play God and try to create a hybrid animal (SPLICE)
Fat actor says things loudly (Jack Black movie)
Overly long sex scenes (The Room)
Cocky guy tries to start a real relationship with manic pixie dream girl (Garden State)
Cocky guy tries to sell stuff or win something (competitive movie)
Girl is sick (Love story)
Bitter Doctor keeps it real (that one... every episode of house)
Serial killer puts people in traps that test their willingness to live (Saw 1-8)
Dinosaurs cloned through bugs caught in tree sap (Jurrassic Park)

And that is far from all that "Love and Other Drugs" tries to be.

"Love and Other Drugs" has viagra jokes. See it's funny because the drug affects your penis (unless you are a woman, then it has no affect on your penis).

"Love and Other Drugs" almost made me lose my wallet. I feel like movie seats are made so that crap falls on the ground.

"Love and Other Drugs" has a twist ending. Turns out she was already dead and he was talking to her ghost the entire time.

Despite its many flaws its a watchable but totally misguided movie. I also pray that the character playing the fat brother character never acts again.

Dec 16, 2010

Men who deserve your respect: Matthew David McConaughey

There is something to be respect about a man who knows what he is. I wish I knew who I was and acted accordingly. That is why I am proud to announce the first man who deserves your respect to be Matthew David McConaughey. When Matthew David McConaughey first broke in to real movies like Dazed and Confused and A Time to Kill (he was the one who didn't say "YES THEY DESERVED TO DIE...") people were all like, "This guy is the next pre-fat Marlon Brando!" And hearing humanity's cry Matthew David McConaughey whispered.... "no."

"I am not Marlon Brando, in fact I'm not really sure who that guy is aside from my favorite part of Island of Dr. Monroe. I am a cartoon version of what today's WalMart-woman fantasy man is. I am going to do the easiest movies with the biggest paychecks. I am going to take my shirt off, a lot. I am going to keep working this accent till I make Texan people sound not-Texan"

Matthew David McConaughey has lived up to this statement of purpose for over 20 years in the acting industry. Any attempts to be something more than that rapidly aging hot guy were met with guffaws, not just by movie-goers but by Matthew David McConaughey himself.

In my 27 years I have built up quite the quote book, one of my more recent gems was "I can be more than funny" (which was said with a straight face because I totally meant it and was trying to impress a girl with it). If I were half the man Matthew David McConaughey is I would have said, "I might be able to be more than funny, but why try when being funny gets me paid with the least amount of effort. Alright I gotta go, Lance Armstrong needs me to help him stretch out before his next commercial." God made Matthew David McConaughey a likeably generic southerner, God gave me the ability to string a humorous sentence together; if I could only be as happy with my gifts as Matthew David McConaughey is with his.

But we see that Matthew David McConaughey is a very successful (financially) actor, and I still live in my mother's basement (40% by choice). So some gifts are appreciated by society and some are less appreciated... but unlike Matthew David McConaughey I am too afraid to stake my claim on my God given gifts. Too insecure to be content to be the man that God made me to be. My infrequent quest for self improvement is just a sad joke that only I find amusing (like those 9/11 ones). If I had Matthew David McConaughey's faith I would march my PT Cruiser down to New York, force my way on stage during Amateur Night at the Apollo and present my God given gift.
I'm not going to perform at Amateur Night at the Apollo. The closest I imagine myself coming to it is performing my Cat Poem at the next youth group talent show. Right now I am so on the fence about being who I am that even updating this blog is a stretch. The only reason I update as often as I do is that SLEEPY CRICKET and my lopsided partnership in the blog gives me something to throw back in his face whenever I remember how much better his job and other opportunities are than mine. I think God also made me really good about being bitter so I'm going to follow in the footsteps of Matthew David McConaughey and call him out.

You hear that Jason? I blog more than you. And I just bought a projector for 7% of the price of yours so you can't non-verbally/not-actually hold that over my head any more. Hope you're having fun in Ohio, or as they call it America's Sphincter (my girlfriend.... ahem MY GIRLFRIEND informs me that the sphincter, doesn't just mean an A-Hole... eh whatever you get the picture, if you aren't offended by that, please tell me something else you hold dear so that I may insult that instead. How are you by the way? Are you coming back for the holidays? If I could meet your family at that chinese buffet again that would be fun. I have a christmas card for you but I'm too lazy to mail it.)

Dec 14, 2010

EOE: Spinsters

HR Person: Thanks for coming in today C-Minus.

C-Minus: ...

HR Person: I am here to talk to you about your discriminatory attitude towards some of your fellow employees.

C-Minus: ...

HR Person: Oh not the darker ones, you actually have some room to step up your discriminatory attitudes towards them and be within the company guidelines. What I want to talk to you about is your attitude and actions toward Marge.

C-Minus: ...

HR Person: I know what you are thinking. "Who the f- cares about Marge?" And the answer is... well not many. And that's why we must gather together as a company and treat her with the respect you would show a creepy aunt who stopped by because she thought it was thanksgiving.

C-Minus: ...

HR Person: Listen Marge made a choice with her life. And that choice was to live vicariously through others in place of living herself. Of anyone I expected you to understand that.

C-Minus: ...

HR Person: You should understand that because you live your life vicariously through the internet. But you didn't make that choice, every other person made that choice when they decided to keep your relationship internet-tonic.

C-Minus: ...

HR Person: So good we are on the same page, but you are probably asking yourself, "Self, How can I show Marge that I am not discriminatory about people who are loud and shirill and so terribly alone." Well first you can greet her politely every time you see her, which is every 5 seconds because we don't have cubicle walls or non-hidious views in this office.

C-Minus: ...

HR Person: And be sure to ask her how her non-existent life is going! She will give you up to the minute details, IN REAL TIME. If she spent an hour and a half watching a teen comedy this weekend then you better get an hour and half of work out of the way so you can pay strict attention to her story.

C- Minus: ...

HR Person: AND THE OPINIONS! Be sure to stick around for the opinions.

C- Minus: .. MARGE!: OH HEY WHATS GOING ON IN HERE! I GOT NEW PICS OF GRANDBABIES!

C- Minus: ???

HR Person: Marge so lovely to see you... slightly curious about how grandbabies can exist in your life. But nevermind that. How was your weekend?

MARGE! IT WAS 4 DAYS AGO SILLY. BECAUSE IT'S THURSDAY. SO READY FOR THIS WEEKEND THOUGH. A NEW NARNIA MOVIE CAME OUT AND I'M READY FOR IT, GOT THE GRANDBABIES ON BOARD AND WE'RE READY TO JUST HAVE A KIDS NIGHT OUT.

C- Minus: ...

HR Person: That sounds lovely. I was just finishing my chat/write up with C- Minus. C- Minus do you have anything to ask MARGE?

C- Minus: ...

...

Do you like

...

stuff?

MARGE! OH MY GAWD YOU HAVE NO IDEASOMETIMESIJUSTGOTOMYONEROOM55+APARTMENTCOMPLEXANDITWASCRAZYA;SLDFUWQOEIRJQSDKLFJBXZCLKVJBAE;LFKJASWHEREHASMYLIFEGONEIAMSOALONEC-MINUSTHERESSTILLTIMEFORTOCHANGEDON'TENDUPLIKETHISRUNNNNN!

C- Minus: ... k.

HR Person: That will be all then. Thanks for stopping by C- Minus.

MARGE! OH HR PERSON I'M GONNA NEED FRIDAY OFF TO WATCH THE FIRST 2 NARNIA MOVIES K THX TOOODLES, TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT MONDAY INSTEAD OF WORK.

Dec 11, 2010

EE Video Game Awards 2010!

Welcome game developers, players and girls pretending to be interested in games (the only games women be playing are MIND GAMES... and plants vs zombies). Since expedited emotions is equally committed to video games as SpikeTV we are proud to host such an important and relevant award show. With out any future interruption lets get on to the awards:

Game of the Year: Guitar Hero Warriors of Rock
No other game released in 2010 is as committed to existing as the 17th release of Guitar Hero. We here at expedited emotions polled every single person on the planet and not a single one of them wanted nor knew of this games existence. But it is on store shelves regardless, as if by sheer force of the games own will.

Game Player of the Year: Bean
What do we judge a gamer on? Well in Bean's case we judge them on how they manage the play style an emotions of their co-gamers. We just witnessed Bean tell his team that "they are not even good at this game" even after the team just one the match despite his 14 betrayals. His brief comments to the team undid all of the hard work that I put in when reading both versions of the Nativity story to them during the match.

I believe the function of any media is to inspire an emotional response, and when the game can not do this Bean steps up his game and runs his mouth to make it happen.

Reason to not Play Video Games in 2011: Me getting old and realizing all the life I have wasted.
At 27 years of age I have realized that my princess that my princess is in another castle. And that castle is not in a video game, an arcade, and definitely not in a Gamestop. My princess is out there living her life and doing things that matter while I'm sitting her still feeling sad about the failure of the Dreamcast. Oh well at least I never played World of Warcraft (I was in the pre-release beta back in 2003 but that doesn't count).

Here is a list of things that I should have been working on instead of video games:

1. Piano
2. Becoming an art thief
3. Running a marathon
4. Getting a degree that would be valuable in the job market
5. Developing a personality

Where is my WiiMote award for 2010: My Couch
I can't find it but I know its in there somewhere

Everyone who plays the following games can eat my poo:
Call of Duty: Black Ops
World of Warcraft
Any game facebook that's not scrabble
Red Dead Redemption
Sports Games
Wii Games that aren't made by Nintendo or don't have dancing or light gun-style arcade shooting

(this was going to be a longer post but I think the longer ones scare people away and who can compete with the random cat picture that SLEEPY CRICKET considers a contribution)

Thanks for tuning in to this years EE Video Game Awards, please come back next year as it will be our last before the whole end of the world thing that the movies told me was happening in 2012.

Dec 10, 2010

Meow meow meow

I'm a kitty cat and I like to drink milk. It is also my duty to destroy all of mankind. Good luck humans, your life is will be worth nothing shortly.

Dec 8, 2010

Suck it

Twitter test

This is a test to see if the twitter is working...

Ok, it's not working.

[Delete Post]

Hmm, that didn't work.

/Delete_Post

F word.

Delete_Post.exe

Ok, where's my mouse...

Dec 7, 2010

I am watching High School Musical non-ironically

and yet I am still more of a man tonight than Sleepy Cricket. You know why? When this Disney Channel Original Movie is over I can resume my normal life with this secret pleasure behind me. But Sleepy Cricket, well apparently his secret pleasure has been accepted by society. Yes, it is true SLEEPY'S obsession with the time/life/COOL sink World of Warcraft is real... and it's killing him.

The lunch room musical number has inspired me to plead with SLEEPY to kick the WoW habit.

"No, no, no, nooooooooooo
(stop playing World of Warcraft)
No, no, no
(seriously, the expansion doesn't make WoW any more acceptable to play)
Stick to the stuff you know
(like anti-social activities that people find endearing despite you being 24)
If you wanna be cool
(and that is your life's goal)
Follow one simple rule
(or any rule you CONTRARIAN)
Don't mess with the flow, no no
(I think Zach Efron is prettier than Vennessa Hudgens. I bet his vagina's got less gunk in it too what do you think?)
Stick to the status quo

MOVIE UPDATE: The non-show tune score of this movie is just a bigger budget ROOM theme.

Anyways here are some things that SLEEPY should be doing instead of WoW:

1. Make a strong part in your recently growed out hair. Only my Efron can pull off the comb down thing that you been pushing. Have you thought about curling your hair into a carrot top style afro and becoming mulatto? I think that would be a good look for you.

2. Join the local high school play. Just imagine if you put your angst to good use? I bet you could sing the heck out of "Get your head in the game" or that other one.

3. Pay attention and sing duets with Gabriella. That girl that just transferred to your office because her mother's job got moved to Albuquerque. She said she used to be a freaky math girl, but here at East High she's just happy to blend in. I bet if you took a break from WoW you could spend some time with her and teach her that stage fright is nothing to be stage frightened of through the power of song.

4. GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME. If you didn't spend so much time focusing on your virtual character you would realize how far you've fallen from your potential. As HSM has shown you can be either a basketball player or a drama-kid, those are your choices... and you aren't either so obviously you need to focus more about where you are in your life.

5. My favorite character in High School Musical is the black girl's hair and the stuff that she has in her hair. In the beginning she had like this 5" headband thing, and later on in the movie they show her progress as a non-character by not having things restraining her hair. So it's got this shake and weave and stuff and it really seems to be acting it's follicles out. I hope they give her hair lines and possibly a song in the sequel.

This could be the start
(but only if you stop playing WoW)
Of something new
(such as having a real life)
It feels so right
(probably feel even right-er if you quit the blog as well [LET YOU EVER STARTED THE BLOG IN THE FIRST PLACE])
To be here with you
(...)
And now looking in your eyes
(...)
I feel in my heart
(...)
The start of something new
(... Ok I'm sick of hiding this, I'm jealous of the relationship with World of Warcraft. I wish you could base your life around this blog or just our relationship like you do that darn game. Why can't our love for each other be enough? If you want to throw away 13.95 a month then we can go to steak and shake. I know I'm not John Pudy but... you know what I'm here. And I've been her month after month despite you letting our friendship subscription lapse. If you put as much attention on me as you did that game then.... well I can't promise you'd level up but you could probably get a mount out of it.)

Ok so the Basketball/Quiz Bowl/Musical Audition scene is taking place so I must end this post before I get too wrapped up in the spirit of the movie and embarrass myself.

TOODLES!

C- Minus

Dec 6, 2010

What a, "Cataclysmic," night? Haha? *Boom* Shot in the face

So guess what's coming out tonight C-Mindy? That's right, the expansion to a video game you don't care about. While I'm excited. The world of Azeroth is shaken once more by it's most fiercest villain to date. Everything has changed! Well, except Exodar. Nobodies touchin' Exodar and for good reason. The Draenei have protected their home city with a magic shield of mediocrity once more. Well, there's never been a villain evil enough to have the Alliance and Horde set aside their differences and work together. One day...

Dec 5, 2010

The SEGA DREAMCAST was ahead of its time

This post is very nerdy. Not in a Big Bang Theory "Aspergers are so cute" kind of way. But a "who the f cares about some stupid videogame system Charlie? It's posts like this that remind me why you are 27 years old and still living in your mother's basement. Another unrelated perception is that you seem to prowl for women at church events which makes me uncomfortable. I'm going to ignore you from now on and focus my attention on escapist entertainment like awful sitcoms where nerds ignore basic human functions for seasons at a time just to keep the forced star wars and physics jokes coming."-kind of way. Feel free to not read, this blog post will not be on the test.

Many believe that theSega Dreamcast was the final hardware failure from Sega before they came to their senses and became a software publisher for all game platforms. I think that is more accurate to say that the video game industry failed Sega and now they get this mutated half-beast joke of a video game publisher as a resort. Almost anything you enjoy about modern video game consoles and software was pioneered by Sega and mostly ignored by you. Since only 1 person is going to read beyond the title of this blog post I will get onto my reasons why
we as a human race failed the good people at Sega and are doomed to see everything we once loved be destroyed, Sega produced or otherwise.

1. We were too attached to the Electronic Arts of 1999.
I am completely with you that in 1999 Electronic Arts ran this industry on the strength of Madden alone. And the fact that they decided not to make their games for the Dreamcast was probably the killing strike towards
the system in terms of mainstream audiences. I am not a sports guy, but the SPORTS! 2K series was produced to fill the void and it did so fantastically. Most sports people rated them at least comparably to EA's stuff and many said they were a hell of a lot better. I'm sure telling a sports person to change games is like trying to get a junkie to service some other part of the body for drug money, but the switch was worth it. Especially worth it in the first year of the Dreamcast where the other options were on PS1/N64 and looked like ColecoVision by comparison.

If you are still reading, Mom, please take a moment to find your Playstation 1 and play a game... any game in it. How's that 320x240 resolution look? Unwatchable. Now come to my room and play the Dreamcast for a moment. Still looks pretty good right? Bringing me to my next point.

2. We had learned to love the terrible graphics on PS1/N64 games
I don't know if we were still thrilled to be playing 3D games, but the frame rate, resolution and blurriness of 99% of PS1/N64 games was inexcusable. If I were a game designer I would think that if I couldn't do something on a specific piece of hardware I wouldn't try... but that is sadly not the case. So when the Dreamcast came out and had the same types of games, only this time pretty to look at with decent frame rates, Joe America would say that he already had a pixelly version of that game and dismiss the system entirely.

I will concede that a lot of Dreamcast games were merely uprezed ports of PS1 games, but they were always the absolute best versions. Today every game that sells more than a dozen units has an ULTIMATE COLLECTORS EDITION. Well I consider every Dreamcast game to be the ONLY PLAYABLE VERSION, because it is actually a better version of the game most of my friends were playing.

3. Playstation 2 might come out sometime in the near future
I watch TV, and if you were to turn it on from the years of 1998 to pre9/11 the news would probably be talking about how awesome the PS2 is going to be/is. On top of that you had the DVD factor which I didn't even think would be as much of a thing as it was. But its annoying how every single conversation about the Dreamcast had to begin and end with PS2.

"Well it won't be out for a year or one store shelves for 2 years but the PS2 is going to totally blow the Dreamcast out of the water. Anyway I heard Crazy Taxi was pretty fun. PS2 is definitely going to be the thing that gets me a girlfriend, good grades and a free ride through life. Alright man see you on the bus, how many people have called you gay today? Only 7? That's an improvement."
-Paraphrasing every conversation my friends and I would have in high school

4. No one cares about arcade games
Ok here is one where Sega legitimately was on the wrong. They are an arcade company, so they have a lot of product that is based on people putting quarters in a machine. About this time arcades became irrelevant and the software for them didn't sell the Dreamcast like it sold the Genesis and that dozen Saturn systems that sold from the Grand Rapids KB Toys. Crazy Taxi is awesome but it was a tough value proposition of that game being 15 minutes of fun at a time compared with the 70 hours of depressing Final Fantasy for the same price.

That being said, if Sega gets their head out of their butt, they could use the casual game trend to make every dollar but making their arcade stuff easily available on iPhones and the like.

5. The Internet was a mythical beast in 1999
In 1999 no one knew what the Internet was. AOL was a legitimate thing to pay 21.99 a month for dial up access and people would sign multiple year commitments to an ISP for a cheap computer... actually that trend has just moved on to cellphones. The Sega Dreamcast could browse the Internet and a year in, play games over the included 56K modem. Yes 56K sucks but it was playable, Sega actually had decent networking in the games I tried and I didn't encounter too much lag despite using WebTV for dialup access. By the time online play/SegaNet kicked off the PS2 was out and the Dreamcast pretty much admitted defeat, but it is rarely acknowledged as the thing that really kicked off the whole console online gaming thing.

But back in 1999 I assume the general public were mainly using the Internet to keep their GeoCities updated while looking for nude codes for Tomb Raider (another game that looked much better on Dreamcast [although the ones that came out for it were terrible]).

So those are the 5 reasons I believe that we as a people failed the Dreamcast. I think in a couple years from now this will be clearly stated as humanity's greatest mistake. The destruction of the environment and various genocides that have taken place over the years will pale into comparison to the fact that we did not throw enough money at a mismanaged company's video game device.

Our grandchildren will be paying the cost of our video game purchasing transgressions.

Dec 2, 2010

You can't make an omelet without breaking

OUT SOME DELETED SCENES!


Ok its not a scene it's 2 lines and its terrible. Speaking of terrible I am watching Operation: Endgame. It's got everyone of "THAT GUY!"'s from other movies and has them just improving vulgarities around a super low budget DVD spy movie. I'm wondering what actually made the actors say yes to this. Probably just an easy paycheck and a week of notacting. I guess the better question is why does this movie exist? Why did anyone give this guy money? I'm assuming the famous faces are enough to recoup the cost.. but why does it exist?

Did the guy behind this have a story he wanted to tell? I can't imagine so. Why does any piece of media exist? Why do I keep making my little videos that I am immediately embarrassed by? I don't think its completely an ego thing. I also don't think, at least in this project, it was some epic tale that I needed to get out of me. I have that epic. And I'm not going to tell anyone about it until I'm ready to do it. Oh forget it, its a less hacky version of Crash set in a liquidating Meijer-esque superstore. Instead of an examination of race it would look at class systems and values. In my head its pretentious as heck and I'm not working on it until it doesn't make me sound like a douche.

Movie update: Rob Coddry just killed the black kid from Tropic Thunder with a papershredder. It would have been cool if they would have had any type of effects/prop budget, but as with every movie made since Bourne it just cuts away or gets shaky.

I think I made Management Material to prove to myself that I still had it in me. It had been a while since I tried something serious... or seriouser than a holiday video. And it didn't turn out great but it had a beginning middle and end. I'm not some tortured artist, and I think thats why at the end of the day I can get something done. Where as others would cry after what they don't have I can usually put something together with what little I have.

Move update: That girl who is always the nemesis in romantic comedies just killed the blond pregnant girl from LOST with the blade of a paper cutter. It was better when John Stewart did it in the Faculty.

I'm now 45 minutes into the movie, I still hate it but maybe it was this dude's first gig writing/directing or whatever. Maybe this wasn't what he wanted to do but it was what was available. A stepping stone to something special. He'll move on from this one, to a slightly less cruddy one, and maybe if he doesn't loose his soul he'll make something real.

Movie update: Character just witnessed violence and asked the camera (POV of another actor) if it was appropriate to be turned on right now. I now have the urge to cut that running line out of Management Material or just delete the entire project to remove any association with this movie.

Dec 1, 2010

Gahhhhh!!! Ohio, WTF?!?

This state has caused me to ramble incoherently. C Minus gave me a digital scribble pad. And so this developed with less value than the time put into it...

I think I have 5 friends... that's good right?

Upon reading this post I believe I have been turned into a pregnant woman with messed up hormone levels, I mean who else could read the worthless laugh free angst that is below? I have consulted the Internet on what to do to regain my humor and testicles, they have advised me to sample my own urine and get back to them. Until me and the Internet diagnose the problem I will leave this post up as a reminder to everyone that I am feminine in both my man-boobs and my writing style.


Today I have more friends than I have ever had in my entire life, and that number is 5. The final spot is shared between the two work wives, one of which no longer works with me and neither of them I interact with outside of work. All 5 have made some type of appearance on this blog and at least 2 of them have read it. Should I be proud of having 5 friends? I think pre-25 year old C-Minus would either be envious of my current 5 real friends or delusional enough to think he currently has more.

When I first got a cellphone I would put in everyone/things number I could find. This includes random acquaintances who I have barely speak to, family members who I would put in just to pad out letters with few names under them, and I will admit for the first time ever that I have used the "I can't find my phone, can you call it so I can locate it by the hip jamster ringtone?" at least 3 times in real life to obtain a number. Yes all 3 of them were girls. Yes I understand how pathetic that is. I wouldn't contact these people, they would be there just so I would have some identities to look at when I was too scared to reach out to someone.

I stopped being cute at the age of 8. I realized I wasn't cute at age 12. I started being bitter about not being cute at age 14. Each one of these touchstones made me a more closed off person, by the age of 14 I would limit most of my interactions with people to some scripted dialogue trees that I could easily control. Throw in some well rehearsed jokes and I could almost make it a full school day without being called a slur term used to describe homosexuals or Jews. Path of least resistance. I use that term often these days, but back then I used it as a lifestyle.

But C-Minus without real human interaction makes C-Minus a terrible person speaking in third person. As 14 turned to 17 turned to 21 I started to feel like some kinda robot. A robot who existed to eat fast food, work crappy jobs, play videogames, pleasure himself, track down serial killers and use my skills as a blood splatter analyst to murder them, and then go to sleep.

Sometime around 21 my life took some dark but still lame turns until a family member I looked up to got sick. To quote the awful movie Elizabethtown, she and the rest of our family was met with a "hurricane of love." During this health stuggle, one of the many entirely self-centered feelings I had was jealousy. What did my family member do that was so freaking special to warrant every random person to come out of the woodwork and support her? This family member kind of treats her friends like crap, but she was open with them and they accepted her. She was free with her love and friendship... almost irresponsibly so.

As she overcame her illness I used this time to selfishly reflect upon my life and realize that loving and being loved is more important than beating the 4th Splinter Cell game (especially the 4th one, oh man that game sucked). But I am not my family member, I am not a "popular person" with a "charismatic personality" who people are "drawn too." But I think that's a good thing because it also helps me not be not an irresponsible friend. I have been stood up and dumped on too many times by too many people to just excitedly bounce from one BFF to the next one.

I look at the relationships with the 5 friends I have now and I am proud of them. I am not proud of much in my life but I have worked, seriously worked to have these people in my life and me in theirs. Sleepy Cricket is on the friends list, he's only been there for about a year too. We knew of each other for a couple years before that and I felt we should be tight before that but me being closed off to people and him being aspergery it took me kicking down the door and forcing myself on him (________________there was a gay sex joke here but I thought it would be more fun for me to just leave this blank spot for you to fill in your own with marker) in order to make it happen.


Over the past 4 years I think I have learned how to be a good friend. For me it requires some sacrifice and taking a bit of a chance, but I think I'm usually up to it. Not to toot my own horn but I'm like the non-tree version of the giving tree. In fact just yesterday I told Bean he could cut down my trunk so he could make a canoe or however that story goes. Sometimes I think I treat my friends more like responsibilities than friends, I feel like I need to protect them from others or isolate them from parts of my life. I just thought about my 5 friends and realized aside from 2 of them and the wives they all come from different parts of my life. For the most part we don't get together like the cast of Friends (if we did I would be Chandler... Sleepy Cricket could be Gunther), they are connected through me and I like that. When one pushes to see the others on my friends list, I normally push back. You are my friend and I hope that I am yours, this other person is my other friend and you'll see them if/when you see them. Is that possessive? I really don't care that we have other friends, in fact I think it makes us better friends, but I'm not here to set up play dates and then worry if you two don't get along or get along too well. I'm also not here to be your dad your dad, not your matchmaker, not your director, not your comedian, not your eye candy, not your charity case. I'm here to be your friend.

Nov 30, 2010

I have a secret, you have to promise not to tell anyone

I'm serious, you can't tell anyone. It's gonna be a bunch of drama if anyone else finds out. Ok so I've been wanting to tell someone this for a while now. My secret is that Leonardo DiCaprio is a terrible actor. Yes I know it's crazy, but you have to believe me. I seen him act. With my own eyes. He is the absolute worst actor who has ever seriously thought they could act. I have proof. Look at the evidence before you disbelieve me:

1. Leonardo DiCaprio is a terrible actor because he looks like the 13th most popular dude at a small town high school:

Not the one that is popular because of his looks talent or dad owning a dealership, but the one who is popular because he is an ahole towards the non privileged for the 1-12 most popular dudes enjoyment. The one who practiced his stare in the mirror and took any and all opportunities to go shirtless, showing off the frame of a prepubescent boy.



Oh I remember how you ladies used to talk about the Allegan county equivelent to you Leo: "You know he may only be the 13th most popular dude at our small town high school but with his shirt off he looks like an anime character. And I saw this one anime with tentacle penetration. And by this one anime I mean EVERY ANIME."

2. I can hear Leonardo thinking every time he is on screen:

And it goes a little something like this:

"Oh look at me I'm Leonardo DiCaprio! Oh shoot what movie is this one? Oh they want me to be serious right now. I'm gonna glare at this dude. Step 1 Leo remember to furrow your brow. Think back to the day "Growing Pains" got canceled just a year after they brought you in for comic relief. Pretty sad. Thata boy Leo you are doing great! Oh shoot much lower paid character actors are acting at me... what am I gonna do? I'm gonna scream and pretend I'm in an entirely different movie they are, that will get the Academy to notice me! Oh Marty Scorsesse will be so proud of me. So proud. Hollywood might even throw me another Victoria's Secret girl if I do good. Ok for the rest of this scene I'll just do the same stuff I've been doing every move since "Gilbert Grape" and mentally repeat I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN."

3. He is the only actor that gets cast in real (well funded movies), and he pisses all over each and everyone of them:
Adult movies don't get made any more, at least not at any reasonable budget. What gets made are products and franchises. I like products/franchises but when the last 2 rationale adults in Hollywood put some monies together on a decent looking film without a happy meal tie in, who do they bring in to ruin it? Leonardo DiCaprio. I get it... he appeals to everyone or something, but so does Dwayne the Rock Johnson and I would buy him as J. Edgar Hoover a heck of a lot quicker than that prick from the DEPAWRTRED (did I get Leo's Boston accent right? I hope so, I probably spent more time spelling it than he did practicing it).

Ok I'm done, this secret I have told you probably qualifies me as unAmerican or something. I hope whatever pictures this douche has of the 7 Scientologists that control Hollywood are dirty enough to warrant him ruining every decent looking movie released for the past/next 10 years.

Nov 29, 2010

Law & Order: SVGU

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Do not be fooled by the prejudicial remarks of C Minus. By the end of this trial, you will see that Call of Duty, not only, lacks suck, but rocks the house. Allow me to proceed to exhibit A:

Exhibit A: Look at all these guns

-2nd amendment. No further questions.

Exhibit B: Hey, stuff I can shoot!

-People have loved hitting things with like bullets, squares and barrels ever since...well, ever. Do you remember buffalo? Of course you don't, but they're the worlds greatest animal to have things propelled at.

Exhibit C: Cool, another one.

-Games that hit it big on the first release will live on for upwards of a decade in sequels or alternate tellings of the franchise. This is NOT the case with Call of Duty and of course its much improved, Call of Duty: Black Ops. It is not just a glorified map pack for $60. THERE'S AN RC CAR THAT YOU CAN DRIVE AROUND!!! I can't even wait for what they have planned for the next one. I hope it's like, Call of Duty: Future War and there's like jet packs and bubble shields.

In closing, the evidence stands for itself. Also, I don't usually post this much. I think I might throw up. Yup, I feel it come up my throat a little bit. Alright, Seacrest out...

Nov 28, 2010

YOU'RE IN THE MOVIES was ahead of its time


I think I am the only person who knows the following 2 secrets about videogames:
1. Call of Duty sucks
2. You're in the Movies is the most innovative game of the past 10 years

I could make a seperate blog dedicated to secret #1, but I think my time would be better served talking about fact #2.

This is You're in the Movies
You can get it right now using our Amazon banner ad for under 20 dollars WITH camera. Some would say the included camera is a piece of junk, but I think the camera knows what it is: A TOY. It is a toy camera used to make YOU'RE IN THE MOVIES the best group game of this console generation. Better than Rock Band, better than Halo X, better than 50 Cent Blood in the Sand.

This is You're in the Movies


Now imagine if I had friends and wasn't too lazy to get my fat circa 2007 butt off the couch. You do a bunch of awful wii like activities and it takes those movements out of context and makes them into a crummy little movie trailer. Theres like 30 trailers in the game AND if you feel like risking your xbox freezing you can even make your own trailer. Imagine the joy on your friends faces when the wii like games they have been playing for a half hour is turned into a video that you can blackmail them with. I haven't done it yet but I plan on committing a significant portion of my Christmas vacation to making it happen.

You're in the Movies is a buggy and kind of bad game, but it is one of my favorites for a couple of reasons.

1. It knows what it is- When you boot up You're in the Movies you are greeted with awful cinematic. This isn't winking at the audience awful, it is ZARDOZ awful. Fully commited to just going for it from the opening menu to the insanely long load times, to the terrible implementation of the game mechanics. I believe the great poet Popeye once said "I am what I am" and You're in the Movies gameonifies that statement.

2. It will put a smile on your face- No matter whether you are playing or watching, old or young, C-Minus or not C-Minus; You're in the Movies will put you in a better mood. That's what games are supposed to be about.

3. The price was reduced to 20 dollars within a month of it being released- As a video nerd I was interested in You're in the Movies as soon as I heard it was coming out. I then looked at the MSRP of 80 dollars and said gave them the ol' Will Smith but then I went to the store a week later and everyone had come to their senses and sold the game/camera at a loss for 20 dollars. And 20 dollars is what the price stayed at for 3 years.

4. Girls will enjoy it- This is more of an assumption because it does not require any skill. I haven't had a chance to test out this theory because women are either afraid of me or I have successfully made them believe that I am too mature and nonmolestery for videogames.

5. By playing it you will realize that motion gaming is a gimmick and not waste 150 dollars on the Kinnect- except for SLEEPY CRICKET because he is totally going to purchase one so I can play it. KINNECT PRO TIP: you need 6-8" of clear space in front of your TV to properly use the Kinnect, so unless you live in a warehouse or are batman it will not work in your game room.

Nov 25, 2010

"Can you go and get me a black friday item?"

Hey C-Minus. Thanks for coming over for Thanksgiving. It's really nice to have us all together as a family. Why don't we do this more often? Your girlfriend is lovely and suprisingly real. I was hoping that I coulde spoil the lovely dinner that I have prepared (ordered in) and ask you to go on a suicide mission to Best Buy for an iPod Touch with a 30 dollar gift card. It would be so easy C-Minus so easy. You could just go a couple minutes before the 5AM opening time and pick one up. Easy peasy lemon squeesy.

Oh wait... so you're saying that the item will be sold out by then? You are kidding me. You don't know! How would you possibly know? Oh wait you waited in line for me last year (19" TV/DVD Player) and the year before that (non-remembered thing that is probably broken by now). Bullcrap, I don't rmemeber any of that. MOM!

I already promised your nephew this item and even though I easy have enough funds to buy it at full price, that included gift card would mean so much to me. Do you know what that gift card would be used for? Probably nothing because I will lose it or give it to a person to show how well-off I am.

You know what? My father-in-law over heard my cries and said he would do it. He doesn't know what an iPod Touch is but he will get up at 4 AM to be there 10 minutes before the sale starts. No he won't miss out on the deal and get elbowed or trampled in the process... you don't know what you're talking about.

Ok you can go now. No not your girlfriend... just you. I still have mom to flip out on so we should be fine without you.

Thanks for coming, see you at Christmas!

-Sister

6:56 PM UPDATE: Yes I caved and went out and got the iPod Touch. Line was orderly with the exception of the SLEEPY CRICKET twins. At this moment sister will not answer her phone to confirm that A. She didn't con father-in-law to get item and B. She has the funds to repay me.

I will post updates as events unfold.

Public appreciation. This is the carrot.

Nov 24, 2010

Things that I am surprisingly OK with:

  1. Hot Dogs
  2. The existence of Sarah Palin
  3. Microsoft charging more for Xbox Live
  4. Christmas stuff starting the day after halloween
  5. Both my head and feet under constant attack from environmental hazards in my mother's basement
  6. Holding in a bathroom break to finish this post just so I can get it done and move on
  7. Revealing personal information through texting to enter contests or get coupons
  8. Brushing my teeth while on the toilet
  9. Paying at least a 40% premium on computer hardware and phone service due to the device being an Apple
  10. Playing games on my touch screen phone on the toilet
  11. Leaving an extremely loud scream as a voicemail message
  12. Advertisements on Xbox Live
  13. The Cash Advance Industry
  14. Talking about my feelings
  15. Ignoring the news
Maybe tomorrow I will talk about 15 things that I am surprisingly not OK with, or maybe SLEEPY Cricket will post, or maybe I will win the lotto and purchase the Internet... with my first ownership decision being to make every site about dead cats. All of the above listed things have an equal chance of happening.

KEEP IT EASY!

Nov 22, 2010

The positive Work Wife reviews Management Material.


My work wife Gadget would like to relay some thoughts about the most recent of my video projects, please sit and listen attentively to what she has to say regarding how I spend my free time.




So I watched Management Material this weekend. It was interesting, like a real movie. To be honest I thought you were just making this up as a reason to talk to me. But you actually did it, and before I even get started on my comments. Good for you. I feel as proud of you for making a video with a beginning middle and end as I do for Tyler Perry every time he makes a movie and sets his race back another decade. Have you ever seen a Tyler Perry movie? I feel racist for not seeing some of them in the theatre... but seriously the audience is so loud. And I'm not just saying that because they are black or obese white women (or both). I tried to see "For Colored Girls" last week and this woman screamed GET A JOB at one of the main characters, and then threw a 3 liter of Faygo at the movie screen when the character did not follow her instructions. This type of horse play is why Eddie Murphy stopped being funny.

I watched your DVD with my husband. Did I mention I have a husband? It's an exclusive relationship. At first I was scared that you had put something personal or indecent in the video to offend me but then I watched and realized that you put many things personal and indecent in the video with the goal of offending everyone. It's nice to be just a innocent bystander of your awkwardness instead of the primary target. Sometimes I wish we could hire prettier girls at our work place so you would have other people to stare/smell/"pssstt" at. One day you will find someone special, maybe she will be a temp employee who hasn't been warned about or maybe she will be that obviously photoshopped female in the picture you have on your desk. I think I would believe that you had a girlfriend more easily if you didn't trot out the picture every time you need to say something you did wasn't sexual harassment because you are "spoken for."

It's hard for me to comment on the acting in the movie as it was so inconsistent that I couldn't really see what you were going for. But of all the people involved I feel the most pity towards the young woman in the third segment. I feel like I understood what she was going through during the taping of her scenes. It's like you told her that you had a neat part for her to play, and then she comes over and realizes that its pretty much a transcript of one of your embarrassing encounters with her. I think she could have cut down on the amount of lines to memorize if you would have just rewrote the scene of have you knocking her door then her blowing a rape whistle for 3 minutes straight until the episode ended. I think that situation would be clever and also serve as a good lesson to any woman who sees you at her door or cubicle.

I feel like I've went off on some weird and off putting tangents in this review, but I also believe that is fitting for the 30+ minute movie you asked me to watch. You took a 30 second idea and ballooned it to a length that not even skilled actors and filmmakers could support.

In summary the movie was:
  • playable on my DVD player
  • had stereo sound
  • was primarily in English
  • widescreen presentation
  • full color
If I were to only consider the above criteria for a review then I would say that your project was a success.

Also I've passed this DVD along to the HR Coordinator, please pack your things into one of that boxes that Staples delivers copy paper in.

Gadget.

Nov 19, 2010

Wait...When Did We Get a Podcast?

Le C Minus says we got one and I'm excited about it, but I don't know how to use it. I guess there's a button somewhere? Hold on, I'm stepping out of the blogosphere for a second.

Nobody read the stuff in the parenthithings.. ..
(Psst, hey, C Mad Money. When are we doing this pod thingy? I'm sorry about using this as a message delivery system, but I don't think we have to worry because only our mommas check this regularly and they follow directions well. In fact, I'm going to start mentioning stuff I want for Christmas every so often. I'll be so surprised. I might just start putting my grocery list up here too. Anyway, podcast is a go for doing...of, it...ok, headin' back)

Now where was I? Oh yeah, buttons are funny, right? No. Ok. I'm going to go level my Pikachu...

Nov 18, 2010

My beard is dead, LONG LIVE MY BEARD

With the Management Material saga completed I was finally able to shave. While there are many good things associated with my baby fresh and baby fat face, here are 5 things that I will miss about the beard:

1. Concealing my grotesqueness. Having a beard made it seem as if my chin and jawline was well defined. It also made my double chin look less doubley.

2. Just the right amount of "I don't give a crap" A beard can show your viewers that your time is too valuable to shave your entire face but you aren't too busy to keep the neck clean (don't ever grow a neck beard ever).

3. It is a talking point. For the past month and a half if I needed something to get the conversation going I could just reference the sweater my face was wearing. If I needed a joke than the punchline could always be my beard. Having a beard is like having the Helen Keller card in Apples to Apples, 100% right answer for any possible topic.

4. Keeps my skin clean. While my beard got touched a lot by me and those that I allow to pet my face, my actual skin was kept reasonably hands free, which allowed my skin irritations to get a couple months off from their tough job of ruining any chance I have of looking like the girls in the magazines. So on my 4th day beard free my skin is still feeling and looking like I'm in a Noxzema commercial.

5. It retains the flavor, smell and humidity of the last 12 hours of my life. Having a beard is like having a facial DVR. If I want to recall a soup or the smell of that pair of underwear I found in your bathroom, all I have to do is pull my beard over my nose, tweak my nipple, and sniff. I am immediately transported back to when the incident took place through the use of my beard's retaining powers and my disturbing attention to detail.

I might write some bad stuff about beards later... my face still kind of hurts from shaving a couple days ago. And yes I know my face is just hurting me but it's killing you.... shut up or I will give you an eskimo kiss with 2 days of sharper than a tac stubble.

Expedited Emotions is now a PODCAST!

Another thing to follow/another thing to ignore:



Right now its going to be a dumping ground for some of my creative works. Maybe SLEEPY CRICKET and I can talk about the automotive industry for an hour or something... but no promises!

Nov 15, 2010

Management Material 4- Management Off

EP 1: The Stance






And there we have it. A conclusion to the show that at the same time is both rushed and overlong. Enough of this negativity though because its time for...

POSITIVE Random Thoughts:

The first facebook comment on the last one was regarding COSTAR not acting, it was because he was driving and because I needed him to just spit out what I wrote for him. In this he has a little bit more to do and did very well. I guess the question is what is acting? Is it making someone believe you or is it fulfilling what the director/important person wants of you. If it is the later then COSTAR is a great actor, if it is the former then my no budget-few crew Internet videos are not an appropriate place to judge him on his acting ability.

Cut out a minute and a half which was supposed to take the characters from the girl's house to the managers house. It was unwatchably choppy and terribly lit. I think the holes are filled in through out the episode but here is what happened.
1- Eric leaves in car
2- Leaving in a hurry he hits someone crossing the street (B who had all of his stuff removed but played stunt double for a lot of stuff in this ep). During the argument C Minus hops in his trunk.
3- Eric uses C Minus' wallet with business card to find Manager's house
4-100 Are in episode

I tried to shave quickly after all of my character's lines were done but my razor broke and I had about 4 pounds of hair on my face. It is very awkward shaving in someone else's bathroom, especially when 2 people are waiting on you.

Yes I know the video is 12 minutes, I think it is a fast 12 minutes though. COSTAR Recommended cutting it into two but the only good place to cut would be right before the management off which would have left the first chunk without much actual action and left me more time to pick my writing/acting/camera work apart and never release either of them. The more I wait on a project the less likely it will actually get done.

I think I finally trained COSTAR to fight through any time/attitude problems or sickness he is dealing with and just do what I tell him. He did not recommend finishing the shoot on another day, probably because he was eager to get his hair cut and felt weird shooting a video at his mom's house.

Yes I know I'm ripping off Scott Pilgrim during the competition. Also shut up.

I'm still debating on whether that handshake is too hot for facebook or not.... time will tell.

What will our next project be? Preferably some one-off videos where I can take my time during shooting and not worry about consistency of wardrobe, time of day or beard styles.

Nov 14, 2010

Anonymous Laundry Person

Dear lady that left your clothes in the dryer,

I accept your apology for putting us in this awkward situation where I had to handle your..."delicates"...I mean, it's not like I had a choice? Ok, sure there was that one dryer with all those towels in it, but there is no way I'm going to take the chance of being seen as one of those weirdos that goes around touching other peoples towels, it's just gross. I suppose there was that 'other' dryer, but that thing is like 20 years old and I couldn't recognize the brand.

I regret to inform you that there is a deeper issue than your poor timing of laundry retrieval. As I was moving your clothes one by one, making sure not to drop any mind you, I noticed that you may, in fact, be wearing the wrong bra size. Noticing that your bra size is 32D and your blouse size is 10, it's obvious that you should actually be wearing a 34C. The top size is, of course, the more precise measure of your back size. This should result in a much more comfortable ride along with an increased protection of your bra size.

As a word of caution, just remember that elasticity cannot be improved once the resilience is lost. Get yourself checked.