Of all the annoying things about having a big persons job, performing a quarterly inventory takes the cake. It's not so much as the actual inventory either (I looked at job responsibilities and it turns out 75% involved counting), but those who enjoy the inventory process. Here are some reasons why the inventory process is terrible:
1. Inventory happens on a Saturday
Not only is my Saturday ruined by inventory but also my Friday night as well. Instead of happy binge drinking because the week is over, I have to angry binge drink because there is an additional day of work left and one less day of not work to look forward to. Both types of drinking lead to the same place (outside a random person's apartment where I enebriatedly think a girl I like lives), but I'll be in two completely different moods butchering two completely different KC and Jojo songs.
2. The knowledge that Jason is not working
I like to organize everything I do by comparing it to what Jason is doing that exact moment. And last inventory according to my sources Jason was sleeping, fiddling with his projector, revising his amazon wish-list, and anonymously browsing online dating sites. Inventory rates as a distant second to all of Jason's Saturday activities which makes me the loser, a position I am growing more comfortable with through each passing day.
editors note: notice how Jason's activities do not include working this blog, although as of a couple minutes ago he asked for permission to allow his goon squad to post entries
3. The inmates are running the asylum
Now I am glad that workplaces acknowledge that real employees are too busy to take an active interest in counting stuff. But the fact that they give the gossipy-worthless staff a leadership role is downright insane. It's like if a city didn't have enough people to be cops so they let babies enforce the law. See a crazy person might hear this and say "Babies don't do anything worth a crap anyway so let's make them feel useful by giving them guns and the ability to pull me over whenever they are feeling cranky," but sadly the crazy person doesn't have to deal with unqualified and bratty children in a managerial position.
4. It's not real work, nor will it be treated as such
"In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king" -Minority Report
It is absolutely ludicrous that I am the person commenting on the attitude and effectiveness of an inventory crew but crikey this is my Saturday we are pissing away. So when you decide to make a joke about what I'm doing this weekend (oh wait this is the weekend hahahaha) instead getting this inventory done, I have a problem with that. But then again why get out of work at a decent hour when you can spend 45 minutes with your work clique talking trash about current and former workers. "Do you know who used to really have me?" an inventory auditor asked instead of doing his job.... no I don't know who used to hate you, but I know who currently and forever will hate you: His name is ME and he is missing the farmers market because you don't have any friends in real like.
I'm only asking you to be an effective and efficient employee once a quarter for the Saturday inventory, come Monday you can go back to being a dillydallying douchnozzle.
5. THERE WILL BE DONUTS
You mean the company is going to spend 30 dollars so that we all can have a donut during breaktime? In that case I take back this entire blog post!
I choose to comment even though you've taken the post back!
ReplyDeleteWhy in Justin Bieber's name aren't ya'll just using cycle counting? Is a quarterly inventory really that necessary or useful?
I worked for a company that did annual physical inventories and almost EVERYONE with spare time from just below the president down helped in the warehouse with the count. We did it on a Friday/Saturday and it was somewhat collegial because everyone was involved.
Then we switched to cycle count and there was much rejoicing. And probably a more accurate running inventory for our A items.