C-Minus: ...
HR Person: I am here to talk to you about your discriminatory attitude towards some of your fellow employees.
C-Minus: ...
HR Person: Oh not the darker ones, you actually have some room to step up your discriminatory attitudes towards them and be within the company guidelines. What I want to talk to you about is your attitude and actions toward Marge.
C-Minus: ...
HR Person: I know what you are thinking. "Who the f- cares about Marge?" And the answer is... well not many. And that's why we must gather together as a company and treat her with the respect you would show a creepy aunt who stopped by because she thought it was thanksgiving.
C-Minus: ...
HR Person: Listen Marge made a choice with her life. And that choice was to live vicariously through others in place of living herself. Of anyone I expected you to understand that.
C-Minus: ...
HR Person: You should understand that because you live your life vicariously through the internet. But you didn't make that choice, every other person made that choice when they decided to keep your relationship internet-tonic.
C-Minus: ...
HR Person: So good we are on the same page, but you are probably asking yourself, "Self, How can I show Marge that I am not discriminatory about people who are loud and shirill and so terribly alone." Well first you can greet her politely every time you see her, which is every 5 seconds because we don't have cubicle walls or non-hidious views in this office.
C-Minus: ...
HR Person: And be sure to ask her how her non-existent life is going! She will give you up to the minute details, IN REAL TIME. If she spent an hour and a half watching a teen comedy this weekend then you better get an hour and half of work out of the way so you can pay strict attention to her story.
C- Minus: ...
HR Person: AND THE OPINIONS! Be sure to stick around for the opinions.
C- Minus: .. MARGE!: OH HEY WHATS GOING ON IN HERE! I GOT NEW PICS OF GRANDBABIES!
C- Minus: ???
HR Person: Marge so lovely to see you... slightly curious about how grandbabies can exist in your life. But nevermind that. How was your weekend?
MARGE! IT WAS 4 DAYS AGO SILLY. BECAUSE IT'S THURSDAY. SO READY FOR THIS WEEKEND THOUGH. A NEW NARNIA MOVIE CAME OUT AND I'M READY FOR IT, GOT THE GRANDBABIES ON BOARD AND WE'RE READY TO JUST HAVE A KIDS NIGHT OUT.
C- Minus: ...
HR Person: That sounds lovely. I was just finishing my chat/write up with C- Minus. C- Minus do you have anything to ask MARGE?
C- Minus: ...
...
Do you like
...
stuff?
MARGE! OH MY GAWD YOU HAVE NO IDEASOMETIMESIJUSTGOTOMYONEROOM55+APARTMENTCOMPLEXANDITWASCRAZYA;SLDFUWQOEIRJQSDKLFJBXZCLKVJBAE;LFKJASWHEREHASMYLIFEGONEIAMSOALONEC-MINUSTHERESSTILLTIMEFORTOCHANGEDON'TENDUPLIKETHISRUNNNNN!
C- Minus: ... k.
HR Person: That will be all then. Thanks for stopping by C- Minus.
MARGE! OH HR PERSON I'M GONNA NEED FRIDAY OFF TO WATCH THE FIRST 2 NARNIA MOVIES K THX TOOODLES, TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT MONDAY INSTEAD OF WORK.
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