Battle: LA is like watching you play Call of Duty on a Waterbed

This will be a quick one because the movie is stupid and I'm tired.

Battle: LA actually looked interesting from the trailers. They were doing this limited explanation thing in an attempt to mimic District 9. And the attempt was successful because I went into the movie hoping it would be District 10 even after the terrible reviews.

Sadly Battle: LA is only like District 9 in the verte (I AINT PLANNING OUT NO CAMERA PLACEMENT) camera placement and ugly-esque aliens. The rest of it just throws in enough bro-emotions and AMERICA! to cover the lack of story. Here is the entire story of Battle:LA.

1. Army guys waiting around for something to happen

2. Aliens come in without warning and start shooting people

3. Army finds the enemies weakspot and tries to save some civilians

4. Army finds rescue copter but goes back to look for a command post

5. Army destroys command post and rest of world learns to do the same

6. END

Story points 1-6 took me 2 minutes to write, this movie felt close to 2 hours long. To fill in the extra 118 minutes there are random Army guy shouts, loud gunfire and shaky cam. That's it. During the movie I was falling asleep because everything was equally super-loud and the shaky cam was rocking me to sleep, I left the theatre to get junk food and realized the sound was following me down the hall. I closed my eyes for a moment and pretended I was in a war zone. Little bits of other movies like "Limitless" seeped in to my eardrums among Battle's gunshots and screaming, it was quite the audio experience. It actually made me wish I was blind and partially retarded so I could have a better movie going experience.

The shaky cam on this movie is really ridiculous, I don't know if I made that clear. It ruins what were some decent and low key effects for the most part. The director would claim this is to make the action feel more emotional and visceral but it was a lazy/cheap move that dampened what little impact the movie could have had.

Final note on Battle: LA. Arron Eckart (TwoFace from Dark Knight) is an awesome actor, even though him as a army guy is a stretch, but if you don't have him talking all slick like a lawyer there is no reason to have this guy in any movie ever. Save your money and give Skeet Ullrich a hot meal or something and he'll do it just as well.