Apr 7, 2011

Limitless is 50% movie 50% editing and 100% HANDSOME

I've met a few Bradley Coopers in my life, and I have hated all of them. I think my problem with Bradley Cooper in real life is that he is an a-hole, and not the lovable/self-aware a-hole that I attempt to be, but a 100% self serving prick.

The Bradley Cooper I lived across the hall from in college was the worst person I have ever encountered. He worked out to the point of looking anorexic, coated in a layer of grease that gave him another excuse to keep his shirt off, and more concerned with his hair than a man should be. I can accept and even appreciate those things in a person, but the personality... oh the personality. Confrontational to an inhuman amount, like a rabid dog when he catches the slightest wif of disobedience or someone in his vicinity with a different view point. Would only function when he captured 100% of the attention and directed 100% of the scorn towards the weakest person in the area. Oh and ladies, does he have some kind words to charm you with. Words that were successful, and then followed up with some true/fictional stories about his adventures with you that are fit for a bathroom wall.

So I hate Bradley Cooper in real life. But thankfully Bradley Cooper also exists as a marginally talented actor who has recently gotten famous enough to start headlining movies like the recently released Limitless.

Limitless is about a lazy guy who gets a drug that makes him use his brain more effectively, and his uses for it are 100% self serving. I like this plot. The fact that this guy doesn't want to use his ill-gotten powers for good makes me smile because that's how it would be in real life. Bradley Cooper's motivation is probably the only connection Limitless has to real life, the rest of it is a cartoon.

So 45% of the movie is spent seeing Bradley use his smarts to charm people, have sex with people, make money, and be stupid. Morals are not improved by the drug because the character has no problems cheating on his long term girlfriend or putting her life in danger.

30% of the movie is used to come up with the most random obstacles for smart Bradley Cooper to overcome and then throwing those obstacles out the window whenever they get too boring or hard to explain. The low supply of of the drug is dealt with by either making a better version of it or being smart without it. The drug fueled bad guys are dispatched by drinking their blood to get smart and killing their homeys. The Gordon Gecko-like figure that Bobert DeNero plays is dealt with by.... actually I don't know, there was like a "6 Months Later" thing that just shoved him in a limo and sent him on his way. The 10 people that get killed in this movie because of our hero are dealt with by ignoring the cops or hiring a lawyer.

The final 25% of Limitless is filled with editing tricks or clever ways to hide the low budget of the movie. Blackouts or fast forwards are used to cover up scenes that the movie couldn't afford or figure out. Flashbacks and random informational video thingies are used to connect the dots to whatever this minutes dilemma is for our Smart Druggie. I feel like the budget got slashed in the middle of this thing and they just started firing people but kept production going on the movie because it goes from well-shot to a mess on a scene by scene basis.

In the end the character learns nothing and yet might become our new president. How do I feel about a morally reprehensible-drug addicted Bradley Cooper running our country? I'D TAKE HIM ANY DAY OVER THAT SOCIALIST ALIEN WE GOT NOW! SHOW ME A BIRTH CERTIFICATE! SHOW ME IT RIGHT NOW!

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