Titus, an award winning short film

I've been meaning to do a write up on our 48 hour film festival entry for a while now... I'm really not the man to do it, but I'm the only one with a blog so here goes:

Titus.

This music came from a public domain angel that I found about an hour before the movie was due. I really wish J would give me a version of the final product without a sound mix so I could clean it up and insert some proper transitions, but I don't think it will be happening. Also the wind was the worst... Really annoying.

We were assigned the theme of historical epic; which is definitely out of our wheelhouse, but I think that helped us differentiate ourselves and keep this thing from turning into date able 2. The idea for this was all Fill and I had no idea about it until we looked into it for the movie. I did write most of the script quietly while the rest dealt with medical issues and going on tangents. Thankfully we didn't stick super close to it in the actual shoot, and got even further away from it in our editing.

I am glad J edited this and he did a fantastic job considering he didn't know how to use the software and rushed it. My one contribution was telling him repeatedly to cut up the court stuff and split it up through the movie. It looked cool but we didn't have a scene, we had 5 halves of different scenes; splitting it up covered it well. Although my suggestion was to split it up through out the whole movie, just just the Bronson stuff.

I thought the acting was fine; I pushed a little too hard to play the title character because I knew Bro was going to play himself and dominate the whole thing no matter what he did, he made the movie interesting while I think I kept it coherent. I was very pleased on how everyone else handled there part, although I wish there would have been more for J to do.

That's all I got. Good show and the first award I've ever received for this sort of thing.

Dateable 8:00-FINISHED WITH THE FRIGGIN' ANALYSIS.

7:59-8:05 Just when the audience thinks they are done. The story train made it to its destination but the writerrorist called in a bomb threat to delay them. I do like the hand shots, all J... all J. It was my idea to reuse the clock sound though.

8:05-8:11 Our actress was adamant about using a line about rotting eggs, I did her a favor and cut it.

8:11-8:43 And I give the people what they want by spontaneously appearing in the movie. I don't know if I prompted anyone the first time I threw myself into it but they were dying out there. Doubt I helped but gave our actor a reason to leave our actress alone and rejected for the last time.

I like how our actors idea of improv is "yeah." It was a long shoot and I think we were all eager to get home. An alternate ending was that MY GIRLFRIEND and dog arrived during one of the takes of him leaving, it was so awkward that I really wanted to use it, but she is afraid of being on camera (probably a vampire) and I didn't feel like having a fight over this dumb movie.

And that is that with Dateable, as of 10/25 @ 9:48 we have 1010 views... a shockingly high number for a 10 minute movie with one location and no nudity. I will now try to forget this video ever existed and move on to the next one. I sincerely appreciate everyone who was involved with this; in presence or in spirit. I apologize if I was harsh on your filming, acting, or personality; but this was a long video and I ran out of things to type about.

Dateable explanation 5:37-7:59

5:37-5;45 J was quite pleased with the businessy public domain music he found for this.

5:46-6:02 This was supposed to be very early on in the video but I think it works better here. I had to do a zoom in to avoid the counter top that didn't have food on it. It sort of work.

6:10 -6:20 Everyone was quite shocked that our actor had that much cash on him. I think he is a drug dealer.

6:21-6:25 We then transition from Jason's musical montage to mine. I think it worked well. That flower in a glass ball has special significance to MY GIRLFRIEND, she was not pleased.

6:26-6:47 Common sense, and common sense's nemesis J both said get this part out of there, but this thing is already way too long so I kept it. It gives our actress a brief moment of not being crapped on and it makes the next part at least have a little bit of impact.

6:48-7:00 This whole dialogue is a bit nails on the chalkboard because it should have been rewritten for them.... its just too shrill coming out of these two. But we move on.

7:01-7:27 Writing out these timestamps makes me realize how long all of this is taking. I need to go through this video with a pair of garden sheers and get it down to 5 minutes. The phone image took a while to get because my dog kept running over to see what was going on.

7:28-7:48 Again we hit dialogue that our actors can't pull off.... and the awkwardness of movement, bad direction and lack of planning. That's what we are about here at films with friends.

7:49-7:59 And here we set up a possible sequel that no one really wants. With our actor's hand on the door knob, is this date/video finally over?

NOPE. BACK LATER WITH THE FINAL TWIST ENDING!

Dateable 3:06-5:37 Analysis

3:06-3:33 And here is where the video becomes unfacebookable. And its another one where I think someone else could have handled the line better. But it exists and it proves that this person is unredeemable and not just autistic.

3:34-3:43 Then we go back to them pretty much existing in two separate little movies. Not listening to each other by either choice or nervousness.

3:44-4:16 When Dateable was going to be made 9 months ago, we were going to have the actress play a song or something. As cast members change the plot and tone change. I think this works too.

4:17-4:58 Some vaudeville for the audience. Lines I came up with on the fly I believe. I don't think they would have worked without a 4th wall break. I think if this were two have a laugh track this is the only time it would play. We used the song from that terrible TV show. Charlie Sheen rest in peace.

4:59-5:28 I really should have figured something out for these instructions. Close to two minutes of this movie is our actress reading from the script. Maybe I'll give this to J to re-do now that he is trying to be an editor.

5:29-5:37 We had shot our actor asking the actress if she farted/worse, but I couldn't do that to her so I put this in from the beginning of the shoot. Doesn't quite make sense but transitions well to our music video.

Analysis of minute 1 through 3 of Dateable.

1:00-1:05 A last minute transition that I shot a couple days later. Kind of guessed on what time would be most inappropriate for our actor to show up. J found the sound clip which I decided to reuse towards the end of this.

1:05-1:08 One of the many lines that would have been funny coming from someone else. Awkward dialogue is not our actors strong suit, and yet I continue to make him say it.

1:08-1:20 Again there is nothing really funny on this line, just showing how unprepared she is for this date.

1:20-1:45 25 seconds to eat 1 funion. Well worth it.

1:45-1:47 Ripped this transition off one of J's projects that he did before we were friends.

1:47-1:58 Late title. I love late titles.

1:58-2:07 My hand, my gut was also in this but I zoomed in.

2:07-2:23 I originally wanted the film to cut to a cheesy infomercial with this dialogue for the instructions. I got lazy and ended up having our actress read them straight from the script. Its one of those things that I tell myself that I will fix on the remix but I seriously will never work on this video again.

2:23-2:48 That picture of J is the whittling down of about 4 pages of script in the unshod prologue. He also cut most of himself out of the latest thing we did for a 48 hour film festival. Future projects may evolve into a "Where's Waldo" style search for his presence.

2:48-3:00 Funions #2! J put these parts together and I was afraid he was going to spend another 30 seconds on it, but he really made the right call and gave us a concise but funny version of what happened before.

Alright that's it for now, I'm sure the Internet is dying to hear my thoughts on minutes 3-9 so I'll be overanalyzing them soon.

Analysis of the first minute of Dateable.

I usually will give an internet video about a minute to entertain me before I stop watching... thought it would be interesting to review Dateable based on the first minute of movie. If this wasn't my work I probably would click off it, which says more about my internet usage than the quality of the video.

:03- "Oh you are just getting right into it" That's right we are, there was 3 or so pages of setup for this thing that we just didn't have the shooting time or viewing time to work in. So it doesn't exist, and I think this is for the best. We are just cutting right into the awkwardness and the viewer can try to figure out with the actress what is happening.

:07- The terrible tone becomes apparent, all J's idea and it works for me. I showed one batch of friends and the sound made one of them visibly uncomfortable. As long as they are feeling something I will take it.

:31- The skinny trick is something I saw on vimeo.com video tutorials the night or so before shooting. Turned out ok even though I didn't properly explain it to anyone involved. And yes I know my head is reflected in the microwave.

:40- Actor appears. It would have had more of an impact if I didn't briefly cut to him knocking, but I needed that shot for transitions sake.

:48- The actresses line seemed a lot better in my head than it sounded spoken. I think if this situation happened in real life the woman would have asked him to leave, but I guess maybe a back story for this would be that she has experienced so many crappy guys/loneliness that she still might try to make the best of it.

52: Actor sounds like he is asking a question instead of telling her how it is, also I don't think I gave him specific instructions on what he should be looking at.

59: This line was only used as a transition, I thought about cutting to someone creepy in my parking lot, or a shot of me doing something creepy to lead up to my last minute addition to the movie.

Here is a great idea turned into a very rushed script

Script: Dateable (rough draft)

Will I ever do this? It's not looking likely so I will allow you to read a very rushed version of "Dateable" that costar and I wrote after seeing Tron 2 over Christmas break. I have had this idea in my head forever. It was originally a rejected part of the untitled movie project that I will no longer be bitter about. It's funny because the one sentence description of a Dateable is better than anything in the untitled movie script.

This would be 5-8 minutes long and I was going to do it as kind of a anthology or whatever with 2 other ideas bouncing back and forth. An idea to go with it would be "girl scent for men" which is a spray that gives the faint impression that you may have been hanging out with a really nice girl recently. The scent would be used in many situations, like making someone you are into think you are seeing other women. Or making a party seem like there might be girls there so the only girls that show up don't feel like its a dude party. Or if you are a girl you could use it to cover up the scent of hanging out with a guy or something. The ideas are endless.

So we have that and we also had the gem of an idea called the "blanket snorkel" which is a blanket with a breathing apparatus under it which would let fresh air in while also keeping your whole body warm under the blanket. Good for cold rooms and dutch oven protection.

Each of the products would have a stupid little relationship drama folded around them. I thought it would be fun to have the "blanket snorkel" take place entirely under the covers of a bed and filmed with the nightvision feature on my camera. There would be different ways to work in product descriptions such as the infomercial/training video that is playing during the dateable thing.

I got the idea for Dateable the product after buying a lunchable and talking with one of the workwives about the romantic possibilities of the lazy lunch option. I believe I sketched her a very detailed diagram but I believe she threw it out as she threw out all memories of us and our workplace when she was accepted into the promised land (a job with very good pay, benefits and respect without the sexual harassment [I didn't think they existed in Michigan either]).

Maybe a month or two from now you will see a refined video version of this script. You could be all like "Aww man I could have been a part of this/Aww man I could have stopped this." But you didn't and so now you will just have to sit there with the other 12 viewers wishing you would have did something.

Ok the laptop is starting to feel like its 20 feet away from me as I type this which means I'm either getting tired, sick or the salvia I just dropped is kicking in.

Oh and I got my stitches out today. The scar makes my back look like a treasure map. AND THE TREASURE IS PUSS!

Happy Holidays

TOO TIRED FROM INVENTORY TO WRITE. ENJOY THIS REGIFT FROM 2009!

Random Thought:

I was going to watch this again before posting but the length and my hair scared me away.

Notable stuff in "Love and Other Drugs"

Finally saw the recent flop "Love and Other Drugs" this evening and I thought I would post some thoughts about it on this forgotten about flop of a blog. Before I get started though, has anyone had received any proof of life on SLEEPY CRICKET recently? I'm looking for something more real than a facebook update or txt message... maybe something like a blog post?

5 Notable things about "Love and Other Drugs"

Everytime Anne Hathaway acts, she has to show a boob. I'm going to assume it is not acting for a woman to act like she is attracted to Jake Gylenhal. I don't actually think I would be acting if I pretended to be attracted to Jake Gylenhal, because it wouldn't be pretending. But in the movie Anne Hathaway has an illness that rears its head whenever it is neccessary to move the movie forward or hold it back. In those scenes there is crying or screaming or shaking body parts. But for each scene that is sent for consideration for an academy award, the movie gives us a scene of equivelent length of Anne Hathaway's boob doing something. When her character is just doing one thing like trying to open a medicine bottle, we will just be treated to one boob. But if she is doing two things like making a joke and acting coy, we will soon be exposed to both boobs.

"Love and Other Drugs"= 40% Anne Hathaway Acting+ 40% Anne Hathaway Boobs+ 20% Jake Gylenhal trying to learn how to act or see boobs.

"Love and Other Drugs" is every single movie. What kind of movie do you want to see tonight? Well before you answer "Love and Other Drugs" will try to be that movie for 15 minutes before giving up and moving on to the next genre.

The following things happen in the movie:

Cocky guy becomes responsible (Coming of age story)

Scientist play God and try to create a hybrid animal (SPLICE)

Fat actor says things loudly (Jack Black movie)

Overly long sex scenes (The Room)

Cocky guy tries to start a real relationship with manic pixie dream girl (Garden State)

Cocky guy tries to sell stuff or win something (competitive movie)

Girl is sick (Love story)

Bitter Doctor keeps it real (that one... every episode of house)

Serial killer puts people in traps that test their willingness to live (Saw 1-8)

Dinosaurs cloned through bugs caught in tree sap (Jurrassic Park)

And that is far from all that "Love and Other Drugs" tries to be.

"Love and Other Drugs" has viagra jokes. See it's funny because the drug affects your penis (unless you are a woman, then it has no affect on your penis).

"Love and Other Drugs" almost made me lose my wallet. I feel like movie seats are made so that crap falls on the ground.

"Love and Other Drugs" has a twist ending. Turns out she was already dead and he was talking to her ghost the entire time.

Despite its many flaws its a watchable but totally misguided movie. I also pray that the character playing the fat brother character never acts again.

You can't make an omelet without breaking

OUT SOME DELETED SCENES!

Ok its not a scene it's 2 lines and its terrible. Speaking of terrible I am watching Operation: Endgame. It's got everyone of "THAT GUY!"'s from other movies and has them just improving vulgarities around a super low budget DVD spy movie. I'm wondering what actually made the actors say yes to this. Probably just an easy paycheck and a week of notacting. I guess the better question is why does this movie exist? Why did anyone give this guy money? I'm assuming the famous faces are enough to recoup the cost.. but why does it exist?

Did the guy behind this have a story he wanted to tell? I can't imagine so. Why does any piece of media exist? Why do I keep making my little videos that I am immediately embarrassed by? I don't think its completely an ego thing. I also don't think, at least in this project, it was some epic tale that I needed to get out of me. I have that epic. And I'm not going to tell anyone about it until I'm ready to do it. Oh forget it, its a less hacky version of Crash set in a liquidating Meijer-esque superstore. Instead of an examination of race it would look at class systems and values. In my head its pretentious as heck and I'm not working on it until it doesn't make me sound like a douche.

Movie update: Rob Coddry just killed the black kid from Tropic Thunder with a papershredder. It would have been cool if they would have had any type of effects/prop budget, but as with every movie made since Bourne it just cuts away or gets shaky.

I think I made Management Material to prove to myself that I still had it in me. It had been a while since I tried something serious... or seriouser than a holiday video. And it didn't turn out great but it had a beginning middle and end. I'm not some tortured artist, and I think thats why at the end of the day I can get something done. Where as others would cry after what they don't have I can usually put something together with what little I have.

Move update: That girl who is always the nemesis in romantic comedies just killed the blond pregnant girl from LOST with the blade of a paper cutter. It was better when John Stewart did it in the Faculty.

I'm now 45 minutes into the movie, I still hate it but maybe it was this dude's first gig writing/directing or whatever. Maybe this wasn't what he wanted to do but it was what was available. A stepping stone to something special. He'll move on from this one, to a slightly less cruddy one, and maybe if he doesn't loose his soul he'll make something real.

Movie update: Character just witnessed violence and asked the camera (POV of another actor) if it was appropriate to be turned on right now. I now have the urge to cut that running line out of Management Material or just delete the entire project to remove any association with this movie.

I have a secret, you have to promise not to tell anyone

I'm serious, you can't tell anyone. It's gonna be a bunch of drama if anyone else finds out. Ok so I've been wanting to tell someone this for a while now. My secret is that Leonardo DiCaprio is a terrible actor. Yes I know it's crazy, but you have to believe me. I seen him act. With my own eyes. He is the absolute worst actor who has ever seriously thought they could act. I have proof. Look at the evidence before you disbelieve me:

1. Leonardo DiCaprio is a terrible actor because he looks like the 13th most popular dude at a small town high school:

Not the one that is popular because of his looks talent or dad owning a dealership, but the one who is popular because he is an ahole towards the non privileged for the 1-12 most popular dudes enjoyment. The one who practiced his stare in the mirror and took any and all opportunities to go shirtless, showing off the frame of a prepubescent boy.

Oh I remember how you ladies used to talk about the Allegan county equivelent to you Leo: "You know he may only be the 13th most popular dude at our small town high school but with his shirt off he looks like an anime character. And I saw this one anime with tentacle penetration. And by this one anime I mean EVERY ANIME."

2. I can hear Leonardo thinking every time he is on screen:

And it goes a little something like this:

"Oh look at me I'm Leonardo DiCaprio! Oh shoot what movie is this one? Oh they want me to be serious right now. I'm gonna glare at this dude. Step 1 Leo remember to furrow your brow. Think back to the day "Growing Pains" got canceled just a year after they brought you in for comic relief. Pretty sad. Thata boy Leo you are doing great! Oh shoot much lower paid character actors are acting at me... what am I gonna do? I'm gonna scream and pretend I'm in an entirely different movie they are, that will get the Academy to notice me! Oh Marty Scorsesse will be so proud of me. So proud. Hollywood might even throw me another Victoria's Secret girl if I do good. Ok for the rest of this scene I'll just do the same stuff I've been doing every move since "Gilbert Grape" and mentally repeat I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN."

3. He is the only actor that gets cast in real (well funded movies), and he pisses all over each and everyone of them:

Adult movies don't get made any more, at least not at any reasonable budget. What gets made are products and franchises. I like products/franchises but when the last 2 rationale adults in Hollywood put some monies together on a decent looking film without a happy meal tie in, who do they bring in to ruin it? Leonardo DiCaprio. I get it... he appeals to everyone or something, but so does Dwayne the Rock Johnson and I would buy him as J. Edgar Hoover a heck of a lot quicker than that prick from the DEPAWRTRED (did I get Leo's Boston accent right? I hope so, I probably spent more time spelling it than he did practicing it).

Ok I'm done, this secret I have told you probably qualifies me as unAmerican or something. I hope whatever pictures this douche has of the 7 Scientologists that control Hollywood are dirty enough to warrant him ruining every decent looking movie released for the past/next 10 years.

The positive Work Wife reviews Management Material.

My work wife Gadget would like to relay some thoughts about the most recent of my video projects, please sit and listen attentively to what she has to say regarding how I spend my free time.

So I watched Management Material this weekend. It was interesting, like a real movie. To be honest I thought you were just making this up as a reason to talk to me. But you actually did it, and before I even get started on my comments. Good for you. I feel as proud of you for making a video with a beginning middle and end as I do for Tyler Perry every time he makes a movie and sets his race back another decade. Have you ever seen a Tyler Perry movie? I feel racist for not seeing some of them in the theatre... but seriously the audience is so loud. And I'm not just saying that because they are black or obese white women (or both). I tried to see "For Colored Girls" last week and this woman screamed GET A JOB at one of the main characters, and then threw a 3 liter of Faygo at the movie screen when the character did not follow her instructions. This type of horse play is why Eddie Murphy stopped being funny.

I watched your DVD with my husband. Did I mention I have a husband? It's an exclusive relationship. At first I was scared that you had put something personal or indecent in the video to offend me but then I watched and realized that you put many things personal and indecent in the video with the goal of offending everyone. It's nice to be just a innocent bystander of your awkwardness instead of the primary target. Sometimes I wish we could hire prettier girls at our work place so you would have other people to stare/smell/"pssstt" at. One day you will find someone special, maybe she will be a temp employee who hasn't been warned about or maybe she will be that obviously photoshopped female in the picture you have on your desk. I think I would believe that you had a girlfriend more easily if you didn't trot out the picture every time you need to say something you did wasn't sexual harassment because you are "spoken for."

It's hard for me to comment on the acting in the movie as it was so inconsistent that I couldn't really see what you were going for. But of all the people involved I feel the most pity towards the young woman in the third segment. I feel like I understood what she was going through during the taping of her scenes. It's like you told her that you had a neat part for her to play, and then she comes over and realizes that its pretty much a transcript of one of your embarrassing encounters with her. I think she could have cut down on the amount of lines to memorize if you would have just rewrote the scene of have you knocking her door then her blowing a rape whistle for 3 minutes straight until the episode ended. I think that situation would be clever and also serve as a good lesson to any woman who sees you at her door or cubicle.

I feel like I've went off on some weird and off putting tangents in this review, but I also believe that is fitting for the 30+ minute movie you asked me to watch. You took a 30 second idea and ballooned it to a length that not even skilled actors and filmmakers could support.

In summary the movie was:

• playable on my DVD player
• had stereo sound
• was primarily in English
• widescreen presentation
• full color

If I were to only consider the above criteria for a review then I would say that your project was a success.

Also I've passed this DVD along to the HR Coordinator, please pack your things into one of that boxes that Staples delivers copy paper in.

Gadget.

Expedited Emotions is now a PODCAST!

Another thing to follow/another thing to ignore:

iTunes Link: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/my-podcast/id405186297

Non-iTunes Link: http://feeds.feedburner.com/expeditedemotionspodcast

Right now its going to be a dumping ground for some of my creative works. Maybe SLEEPY CRICKET and I can talk about the automotive industry for an hour or something... but no promises!

Management Material 4- Management Off

EP 1: The Stance

EP 2: Small Talk

Ep 3: Driven

And there we have it. A conclusion to the show that at the same time is both rushed and overlong. Enough of this negativity though because its time for...

POSITIVE Random Thoughts:

The first facebook comment on the last one was regarding COSTAR not acting, it was because he was driving and because I needed him to just spit out what I wrote for him. In this he has a little bit more to do and did very well. I guess the question is what is acting? Is it making someone believe you or is it fulfilling what the director/important person wants of you. If it is the later then COSTAR is a great actor, if it is the former then my no budget-few crew Internet videos are not an appropriate place to judge him on his acting ability.

Cut out a minute and a half which was supposed to take the characters from the girl's house to the managers house. It was unwatchably choppy and terribly lit. I think the holes are filled in through out the episode but here is what happened.
1- Eric leaves in car
2- Leaving in a hurry he hits someone crossing the street (B who had all of his stuff removed but played stunt double for a lot of stuff in this ep). During the argument C Minus hops in his trunk.
3- Eric uses C Minus' wallet with business card to find Manager's house
4-100 Are in episode

I tried to shave quickly after all of my character's lines were done but my razor broke and I had about 4 pounds of hair on my face. It is very awkward shaving in someone else's bathroom, especially when 2 people are waiting on you.

Yes I know the video is 12 minutes, I think it is a fast 12 minutes though. COSTAR Recommended cutting it into two but the only good place to cut would be right before the management off which would have left the first chunk without much actual action and left me more time to pick my writing/acting/camera work apart and never release either of them. The more I wait on a project the less likely it will actually get done.

I think I finally trained COSTAR to fight through any time/attitude problems or sickness he is dealing with and just do what I tell him. He did not recommend finishing the shoot on another day, probably because he was eager to get his hair cut and felt weird shooting a video at his mom's house.

Yes I know I'm ripping off Scott Pilgrim during the competition. Also shut up.

I'm still debating on whether that handshake is too hot for facebook or not.... time will tell.

What will our next project be? Preferably some one-off videos where I can take my time during shooting and not worry about consistency of wardrobe, time of day or beard styles.

HappyTape #2

Aww shoot, happytape #2. Stuff coming from the 3rd management video and a christian workout video that costar and I did stuff for in 2008. We are going to try and tape the 4th and final management video tomorrow and I am sort of anxious about it. I just want it done and funny so we can move one. Once I put them all together it will be of comparable length to the UNTITLED MOVIE PROJECT that I am no longer bitter about. I think the differences in each of the situations kind of reflect the differences in the people putting them together. But you know what now is not the time for analysis, now is the time for happiness. Enjoy the video before YouTube mutes it.

Management Material- Driven

Episode 1- The Stance

Episode 2- Small Talk

Episode 3:

Random Thoughts:

- Always exciting to have someone new aboard the video train. A+ would work with again. My costar mockingly told her that she was a professional but she kind of was. At least in the sense that she wanted to emerge with a decent video and was willing to work to achieve that goal.

- This came at the end of a very full week of work and other activities. I was exhausted going in and barely standing coming out of it. Most of my lines are screaming which takes a lot out of me. Along with keeping track of getting all of the lines covered and making sure no one is using the zoom function on the camera.

- I forgot to put in 1 really important line, I could have put it in but it's past midnight and I have to get up for stuff tomorrow so forget it.

- I was really hoping my costar would have gone through the script and fixed his lines, but he didn't so he is stuck with the clunky sentences and exposition that I write for myself. I came up with the idea and wrote the only draft of this 5 page script in under an hour. Booyah.

- I really hope I can wrap this up with the next episode. The way I have it worked out in my head I need an old man and that's about it. I think my costar and I are wanting hair/beard cuts and we are being held back by our desire for consistency. Also the pants I am wearing in these are extremely tight. I hiked them down towards the end of the car scene in hopes there would be back cleavage as I got out of the car, but sadly there was nothing but a bit of midrift.

- Just saw Due Date and it had funny bits in it, but it didn't really flow well as a movie. I really hope that Robert Downey Jr. actually spit in that dogs face though. It's funny that most of that took place in a car and there was a misguided guy with a beard. That's probably where the similarities end. I wish the movie would have stopped briefly in vegas and did a brief cross over with the Hangover (with Zach Galifanakis playing both characters)

- Debating whether or not to expose any coworkers to this beyond the wives. One of the wives got a much better job and this is her last week. Her presence will be missed.

- I already regret putting the hula hoop footage in this

- The goof reel on this is better than the actual episode.

- We were all freezing while making this.

- I had one of my friends set to be camera man on this but I was too lazy to call and keep track of him for the evening. I really wanted a more traditional and slower editing style but with the camera people being in the skit and no one remembering lines it looks like it was spliced together with a machete and duct tape.

- There was a much worse cut of this done and ready to export til iMovie crashed and I had to restart. I think it's a better video for it although I would like that couple hours of my life back.

- I get a bit direct when making these things. I will never ever be compensated for my work and this hobby will only be tolerated for another year or two so I just need to focus on output. I would actually be very interested in starting a video club for college plus, with multiple video makers doing their own thing but meeting once a week as a homebase to see who wants to help with what. I did a group like this for youth for 2 years and it was really tough because not only was I the only one responsible for putting it together I also had to motivate/educate and keep control over a group with various levels of interest in actually making something.

- The more I think about the line I forgot to put in the more annoyed I am because a line towards the end clarifies that line which is no longer present and doesn't quite make sense now. It can be assumed it was in there which is probably how I forgot to put it in there in the first place.

- The quantity of random thoughts on this can be attributed to youtube taking its sweet time processing the file so I can embed it into this post.

So you want to be an internet video guy?

I see you eye ballin' me from across the room. Jealous of the dozens of hits I be getting on my YouTube channel (www.youtube.com/theroom2evenroomier). You want what I got? Well then bro I ain't here to hate you I'm here to help you with these tips. (Sleepy Cricket is driving back here for some reason and can't post today, ENJOY THE RUSH JOB TO COVER FOR HIM)

10 Tips for Being an Internet Video Guy:

1. Don't Zoom. Zooming is gay. I say this to new people who I'm working with to shock them into holding the camera nice and straight without any silly crap like zooming or shaking the camera. Cloverfield looked like garbage and it was filmed with the best cameras by a skilled technician. Now your camera sucks and you are even worse, so keep it as straight and smooth as possible. Tri-pods and monopods are your friend.
2. If someone is not part of the video that you are doing remove them from the area by request or by force. They will make noise and be a pain in the rump.
3. Write it down and memorize what you are going to say. Even if you riff off of that, have a direction that you want to take things in. If you can't plan what you are going to say then don't plan on anyone enjoying you fumbling for words and direction
4. Make it under 3 minutes long (I need to follow this advice)
5. Make it under 2 minutes long (I REALLY need to follow this advice)
6. Everyone is going to play this video expecting to hate it, you have no goodwill from your audience, even if that audience is your friends and family. So come out swinging.
7. Do not save any ideas for the sequel. There is a 99% chance you are never going to make another video, put everything you got in this video and do it in a timely manner.
8. Get reaction shots and alternate angles for everything. These are excellent for covering up mistakes and mixing up the images on screen.
9. Find a way to record clear sound. Even if you have to dub over it. Bad sound is so much worse than bad video. I will play videos that I make without the video to make sure they are clear and that they work as a flow of words.
10. Don't expect to make money, friends or popularity. If you can think of anything you would rather be doing do that instead.

Ok that's it. Hopefully SLEEPY CRICKET will have some hot fire to spit tomorrow to make up for this unfunny waste of time of a post.

SEE YOU ON THE SILVER SCREEN!

Management Material- Small Talk

Episode 1: The Stance

Second verse same as the first...

RANDOM THOUGHTS!

- We really need a camera person and consistent lighting. The living room part is so obviously just 1 of us that it is kind of hard to watch. My goal with these was to get back to the basics of simple longer shots and pacing, but because I have to work around camera placement it looks choppier than the holiday videos.

- I wrote this in about 20 minutes and most of the funny stuff was only funny on the page. My costar had a really hard time with his lines because they are from the voice in my head instead of his voice. Instead of reworking them or helping him we just kept doing it over until he got it, which is why his longer stuff sounds rushed. In the first one he was over my shoulder making things he would say sound more like things he would say... although there was a lot of "shut up" in the first one.

- Every time I played or edited the phone ringer I would reach for my phone in real life. I just watched the video as I typed the previous thought and I reached for the phone. Also there was a Tommy Wiseau sound effect put in when the bag dropped but it was distracting.

- A manager at my job referred to hanukkah as "Jew-vember" today. I just google searched the word hanukkah to make sure I was spelling it correctly, turns out I wasn't.

- I was really exhausted from work and costar was fighting off a stomach flu, we pretty much just kept our heads down and plowed through it as quick as possible. My mom had just got home from church and ate before I interrupted her with the video stuff. I wanted her in this partially because I felt bad about saying she was dead 3 times in the first episode, and I find her funny. She did it the way she does things, sloppily but in an endearing way. She did chug a large glass of wine in one gulp before we were starting to film. Not sure if that is why she was smiling during the sequence or if losing control of your face is part of the aging process. I love you mother.

- I edited this while a friend came over, I didn't pay attention to a word he said the entire evening.

- This was supposed to be done last week but I had to work late and bailed on costar, I think it's the first time I've ever canceled on my end aside from going to the bar, which I cancel all the time because I hate the bar. I'm not sure if costar was pissed or just lazy because he didn't get back to me for a bit. I thought of rewriting and having a new person help me with being a manager every episode. SLEEPY CRICKET was in town this weekend and made it work story wise, but after SLEEPY CRICKET and costar I am out of friends so the series would have to end there. And this was something special for me and costar, not as special as TOUCH OF THE DOWNS but made for us by us; kind of like fubu but instead of getting stabbed for wearing it we just get ignored for producing it.

- Work-Step-Mom and manager came in at same time this morning and took off jackets in same way at the same time. I watched this and said "that was cute, did you rehearse that on the way to work this morning?" which was a slight implication that they were having an affair and that I hate them (everything is an implication that I hate them). Step-Mom loved it, Manager got all tea party about it until he found someone to blame for something. He's always cranky in the morning until he blames someone for something.

- I really like the concepts of my videos better than the execution. I feel like everything I have ever made is a rough draft, but instead of making the corrections I just hand it back in as final copy, red pen corrections and all.

- I was shifting through the old cartoon stuff to use as a filler post (at this point its too terrible to let you see, but my standards are dropping quickly so expect it next week) and realized that I've totally done this idea 3 or 4 times already. Oh well, each attempt is just a step on the long road to watchability.

- One of my work wives got a new job, she will be leaving my life soon. I used the term "friendivorce" in a poor attempt to get someone totally different to feel bad today, but I think it actually applies to what my work wife and I are going through right now.

- I think I have more to say tonight but it's late and I give up.

HAVE YOU CHECKED THE LITTER BOX RECENTLY?

Video Game Guides

The boys were back in town, we shot this in 20 minutes:

Random thoughts:

- Sloppy. I was going to put videogame footage in it and make it really weird but I didn't quite have enough actual video to hang it all on.

- SLEEPY CRICKET nor I had a handle on what we should be doing so we gave each part a shot and hoped for the best. You can see the worst of both of us; me trying to dominate every line because I don't know what the other person is going to do. The other one being too reserved and losing interest in what we are doing.

- The game BROTHER BEAR was playing at the time was Dead Rising 2. He saved what I thought was a wasted game so thanks for that.

- I hate videogame jokes and nerd humor. Also: Big Bang Theory sucks. Nerds are not cool they are nerds. I know because I have been one all my life and its annoying to see the 1-stereotype of a show being trumpeted while the multi-stereotype show I enjoy (Community) is struggling.

- Again I am out of focus on the couch, I really need to come up with a clearer system for locking in on stuff.

- SLEEPY CRICKET was going to edit this, it would have been much better if he had. The lack of actual content would give him room to play around. He had to drive back to where ever the heck he's living these days.

- If I didn't have my commitments to my church I think I would move in with him. I don't got much going on here that I couldn't try to do at medium distance. Especially with the recent advances in skype.

- Dead Rising 2 is the most frustrating game I'll ever love.

- Jon Purdy is the most frustrating man I will ever love.

Management Material- The Stance

I will be just giving random thoughts about this video and other stuff so don't read this if you value your time.

- Yeah I'm still making videos. I used to be a lot more ferocious about it but I have since developed something of an actual life and the passion has faded a bit.

- Video is kind of self explanatory, idea came to me at work and I wrote down about 10 business tips that Eric could help me out with. Hopefully we will do a couple more of these, I would like them to string right after another but we will do what we can do. We really needed a camera man for this, and I need to stop converting 1080i footage to 720p because it makes the whole thing look blurry. Also I need to find a way to keep track of the focus on a camera when I am in the frame. Also I need to learn how to act.

- During the brief time that I tried to perform the opening in front of people on chat roulette I came across 4 or 5 people pleasuring themselves, and that's not even counting my costar who was in the room with me.

- I wish I had someone that could represent my interests in front of or behind the camera for these things. I'm pretty good at either but kind of terrible doing both. When I did videos for my church there was a youth who could consistently hit the blend of innocence and longing that is what I like to see, he's in college now and too cool for me. My costar in this is good at projecting and showing arrogance and SLEEPY CRICKET was good at being whatever autistic-hipster mix he is in real life.

- I watched the video at least 5 times before uploading it, I didn't realize I repeated one of Eric's lines until it was on the Internet. Oh well, its almost funny enough to seem intentional.

- The facebook update that flashed on the screen took about 10 minutes to put up. I can't figure out facebook's privacy settings and was afraid that other people would see whatever sick stuff I put up. Even with just setting the privacy to my costar, I felt the urge to hurry up and delete the post after I took the screen shot. I was pleasantly surprised that my partner in SPLICE was visible directly under my post with a similarly themed status. Stay strong friend, remember that when life hands you a hybrid human animal you raise it as a daughter and then somehow have intercourse with it.

-The workwife was supposed to shoot some cutaways of me being at work, she got busy or was on her cycle or something. I think the video worked without it and I probably would have gotten us both fired if we went through with it.

-I shut the heater off to reduce ambient noise, but I forgot to shut the fan off so instead of being quiet it was just cold.

-This was actually scripted, I think the first thing I actually wrote down lines for since the UNTITLED MOVIE PROJECT THAT I WILL NO LONGER BE BITTER ABOUT

-I think selling and business topics have the potential to be the funniest stuff in the world so it makes me mad when shows like the office do crazy simpson's stuff. Or that awful movie "The Goods" why couldn't that just be about a liquidation of a car lot? You could make it interesting but no here's a bunch of one off garabage that makes no sense.

Ok that's all the random thoughts you get for today.