President's Day and other useless holidays

Happy President's Day!

What? You didn't know it was President's Day? Well, it didn't occur to me until they mentioned it on Wheel of Fortune.

Here's the thing - unless you're a government worker, you're probably not going to know it is President's Day. You probably had to work today (unless you were lucky enough to have a snow day). You probably didn't have anybody come up today to say something like "Happy _____" or have somebody say last week "I am so looking forward to _______." And unlike certain other holidays, it doesn't celebrate people that have made a major difference in the world (like Veteran's day or MLK Jr. day).

Here are the major characteristics of a holiday:

1) People get the day off work, or at least get holiday pay. Not everybody is fortunate enough to get holidays off (for some reason hospitals still operate on Christmas), but for the most part, people are given some form of compensation for their work on those days.

2) People celebrate it. Not every day that you get off work is a holiday. Sometimes, you're just sick. Sometimes, you're just lazy. And sometimes, you're just unemployed. But if you're celebrating it, chances are, it's a holiday.

3) The food is different. If you're like me, and you celebrate being unemployed, you may need something else to qualify something as a holiday. Food does it for me. Think about it: when was the last time you celebrated a major holiday without some form of special baked good, grilled concoction, special beverage, or copious amounts of candy.

4) They have a special on your local news that interviews somebody related to the holiday. When was the last time you passed a Veteran's Day where they didn't feature a veteran on your local news? Or Martin Luther King Jr. Day without talking to a major civil rights leader?

In short, President's Day doesn't count. You can also cut out Labor Day,the birthdays of good ol' George and Abe, and Columbus day. Sidenote: really, we're going to celebrate a guy enslaved natives and then killed them with diseases? Doesn't that seem hypocritical after we celebrate Lincoln and MLK?

But since they're likely not going to do that (face it, the government will likely create more random holidays simply because they need a good excuse to not pay government employees), just remember: next time you go out to check your mail and there's nothing there, it's probably just a useless holiday - you're not that big of a loser.

Happy President's Day.