Watching episode 3 of Sparticus via Netflix streaming. I initially clicked on it because the box cover was all like GRRRRR! and I was all like "why's Kevin Federline so clean and angry?" After 2 episodes of Spartacus I have found there are many reasons why Kevin Federline is angry and the show is built around him working out that anger.
There are things notable about the Spartacus television series and I would like to share my 3 episodes of experience with you.
1. Spartacus has the worst special effects that I have ever seen in a professional media production.
I can tell that the producers of Spartacus were challenged with producing 13 episodes of 300 with the budget of 13 episodes of Sesame Street. Instead of playing to the low budget strengths with clever editing and scripting around budget constraints, Spartacus does a bunch of CGI stuff but just stops rendering when the VFX checks start to bounce.
The sky looks like a water color painting and the characters have terrible green screen artifacts around them. Certain spots look like someone's playing a game of You're in the Movies.
2. Spartacus is naked. So are his friends and enemies. So are the characters he has yet to meet.
Try as I might I have yet to see the member of Spartacus, every other inch of his body is permanently imprinted in my mind. As for the rest of the cast, yeah hung or not hung they are on display in about half of the scenes they are in. In my analysis of Love and Other Drugs, I mentioned that every time Anne Hathaway acted she had to show a boob. In Spartacus every line of dialogue must be matched with a close up of the characters frank and beans. Any nonverbal action a character has must be paired with a butt shot.
3. Spartacus is visceral.
Visceral: Having to do with the response of the body as opposed to the intellect, as in the distinction between feeling and thinking.
If I was a wild animal I probably wouldn't make it through a complete episode of of Spartacus without dying of some combination violence and some more basic animal need. Probably 75% of the 3 episodes are either fighting or lovemaking with a equal amount of screaming in each. The pairings do not discriminate among genders, which makes me wonder if this show is produced to help GLAAD or to spite it.
Despite the accents (which range from meh to terrible) and the iambic pentameter, there is no plot to Spartacus aside from revenge and hostility. If you can follow the the drama and subtext of a dogfight then you will have no problems keeping up with Spartacus. If anyone says they are watching this show for something other than the dirty stuff then I would advise you to not believe their lies and report them to the nearest authority.
4. Xena Warrior Princess is in this
She is getting older but it's good to see her working again.
5. They seriously just did the screen split trick to make a bunch more trumpet players.
SLEEPY CRICKET did you make this? Seriously you need to tell me if this is something you shot with your digital camera.
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