So you want to be an internet video guy?

I see you eye ballin' me from across the room. Jealous of the dozens of hits I be getting on my YouTube channel (www.youtube.com/theroom2evenroomier). You want what I got? Well then bro I ain't here to hate you I'm here to help you with these tips. (Sleepy Cricket is driving back here for some reason and can't post today, ENJOY THE RUSH JOB TO COVER FOR HIM)

10 Tips for Being an Internet Video Guy:

1. Don't Zoom. Zooming is gay. I say this to new people who I'm working with to shock them into holding the camera nice and straight without any silly crap like zooming or shaking the camera. Cloverfield looked like garbage and it was filmed with the best cameras by a skilled technician. Now your camera sucks and you are even worse, so keep it as straight and smooth as possible. Tri-pods and monopods are your friend.
2. If someone is not part of the video that you are doing remove them from the area by request or by force. They will make noise and be a pain in the rump.
3. Write it down and memorize what you are going to say. Even if you riff off of that, have a direction that you want to take things in. If you can't plan what you are going to say then don't plan on anyone enjoying you fumbling for words and direction
4. Make it under 3 minutes long (I need to follow this advice)
5. Make it under 2 minutes long (I REALLY need to follow this advice)
6. Everyone is going to play this video expecting to hate it, you have no goodwill from your audience, even if that audience is your friends and family. So come out swinging.
7. Do not save any ideas for the sequel. There is a 99% chance you are never going to make another video, put everything you got in this video and do it in a timely manner.
8. Get reaction shots and alternate angles for everything. These are excellent for covering up mistakes and mixing up the images on screen.
9. Find a way to record clear sound. Even if you have to dub over it. Bad sound is so much worse than bad video. I will play videos that I make without the video to make sure they are clear and that they work as a flow of words.
10. Don't expect to make money, friends or popularity. If you can think of anything you would rather be doing do that instead.

Ok that's it. Hopefully SLEEPY CRICKET will have some hot fire to spit tomorrow to make up for this unfunny waste of time of a post.

SEE YOU ON THE SILVER SCREEN!