My Travel Bag

I'm going on an awesome mission trip tomorrow for about 10 days, which I've been preparing for frantically in between a packed work schedule to make up for some of the lost time I'll have missed for awhile now. (*Cough-cough* Excuse for not posting) One of the last things I've had to do is pack my bags. I enjoy traveling, and this task has always excited me. The idea of leaving all else behind which is unimportant, and simply living out of a bag for a week is enticing. I've often had shadows of desires to just hit the road one day with whatever I could throw in a bag or two and just travel and live for awhile. I'm of course too cowardly and comfortable to do that, but it's a fun thought.
So what, after careful evaluation, are the most important things in my life which get the honor of traveling with me, you didn't ask?
Taking up the most room: Clothes. (Boring)
And it's not even a lot, I'm pretty low-maintenance. A pair of jeans, pair of work jeans, a work shirt, 4 other shirts, 3 under/sleep shirts, sleep pants, and enough socks and undies to make mom happy.
Toiletries - Hair (beard) and body wash, dandruff shampoo (can't leave home without it), D.O. for the B.O., tooth brush/paste, and a comb. That's it.
Travel pillow - I'm all for comfort. I recently upgraded to the Total Pillow and am excited to really try it out.
A few good books - Two 16hour drives can get long. Feed your need to read!
A secret snack - Once a fattie, always a fattie. The fear of getting too hungry will always be with me, so I always travel a with a stowed-away snack. I normally bring nuts, that way it's not AS bad for me, and provides protein for energy! Oh, and a water bottle, too.
My iPod Touch - Providing games, music and videos for more entertainment, as well as, note-taking, productivity, and a chance to check my stocks if I hit a Wi-Fi hotspot. I'll get a real smart phone someday.
Camera, and maybe a journal to preserves them mem'ries.
Essential drugs - I'll have a little bit of ibprophen, and antacids, becuase you just never know.

Now, orange ya glad I posted that and you got to waste a few minutes of your life?

I hate video game media #2: Women

Fact: Free time and disposable income are limited.

Fact: Video games can take up a significant portion of one's free time and disposable income.

Fact: Girls can take up a significant portion of one's free time and disposable income.

With free time and disposable income limited many people who are invested in either video games or women can often be unlearned in the other. So when a woman talks about video games she is often talking about stereotypes of video games from 1994.

"Oh my gaw'd they are so violent, I was like, why are we wasting our time at the arcade? You said you would take me to Steketies!" - A woman that I just made up in my head.

And since a woman is confused about what video games are, it is only appropriate that video game media is confused about what to do with humans with the X chromosome. Here is a hastily put together list of what women are to video game media:

Women are my GIRLFRIEND!

If you are writing a review about a game that doesn't involve shooting, it is important to mention what your girlfriend thinks/would think of it. If girlfriend does not exist please make her up or talk about "impressing ladies."

Example: The Wii is an excellent system for my GIRLFRIEND because she pretend the controller is a dwarven shake-weight.

Women are GAMERS TOO!

Just do the job of reviewing the game or previewing the game, or doing the dishes.... we don't need to bring your gender into it. The only turf war that is being waged is inside your own head. The Internet says that women don't play video games because they are the Internet and they hate everything. Your daddy may have told you that you can't be a doctor, and it turns out that's true because now you regurgitate video game press releases for a living.

Women are READING STUFF IN FRONT OF A CAMERA WEARING PROM OUTFITS

I think that anyone who reads any type of news for any type of video production should start off the segment by saying "Hello, My name is _____ and I am talking about _____ and what I say is important because of _____"

Hello, My name is Jessica Chobot and I am talking about video game strategies that aren't really strategies and what I say is important because one time I licked a PSP.

This is coming across as women-hating and it's really not my intention, I just think video game journalism is a joke. How can they cover a rapidly changing industry when they don't even know how to speak to or receive input from women. We here complaints about portrayals of women by the media and its due to the media not knowing how to utilize women period, especially in the video game sector.

Ok I'm done.

President's Day and other useless holidays

Happy President's Day!

What? You didn't know it was President's Day? Well, it didn't occur to me until they mentioned it on Wheel of Fortune.

Here's the thing - unless you're a government worker, you're probably not going to know it is President's Day. You probably had to work today (unless you were lucky enough to have a snow day). You probably didn't have anybody come up today to say something like "Happy _____" or have somebody say last week "I am so looking forward to _______." And unlike certain other holidays, it doesn't celebrate people that have made a major difference in the world (like Veteran's day or MLK Jr. day).

Here are the major characteristics of a holiday:

1) People get the day off work, or at least get holiday pay. Not everybody is fortunate enough to get holidays off (for some reason hospitals still operate on Christmas), but for the most part, people are given some form of compensation for their work on those days.

2) People celebrate it. Not every day that you get off work is a holiday. Sometimes, you're just sick. Sometimes, you're just lazy. And sometimes, you're just unemployed. But if you're celebrating it, chances are, it's a holiday.

3) The food is different. If you're like me, and you celebrate being unemployed, you may need something else to qualify something as a holiday. Food does it for me. Think about it: when was the last time you celebrated a major holiday without some form of special baked good, grilled concoction, special beverage, or copious amounts of candy.

4) They have a special on your local news that interviews somebody related to the holiday. When was the last time you passed a Veteran's Day where they didn't feature a veteran on your local news? Or Martin Luther King Jr. Day without talking to a major civil rights leader?

In short, President's Day doesn't count. You can also cut out Labor Day,the birthdays of good ol' George and Abe, and Columbus day. Sidenote: really, we're going to celebrate a guy enslaved natives and then killed them with diseases? Doesn't that seem hypocritical after we celebrate Lincoln and MLK?

But since they're likely not going to do that (face it, the government will likely create more random holidays simply because they need a good excuse to not pay government employees), just remember: next time you go out to check your mail and there's nothing there, it's probably just a useless holiday - you're not that big of a loser.

Happy President's Day.

I hate video game media #1: Sarcasm/Filler

Someone is getting paid to post this on a popular video game site:

"The latest game console travel case from manufacturer GAEMS -- yes, it's really spelled like that, we promise -- is an unarguably slicker offering than the company's previous products. The pack has room for a 360, 360 S or PS3 Slim console, all the requisite cords and power bricks, a couple of controllers, speakers and a built-in LED monitor -- yet, despite its contents, the GAEMS case isn't the size of a small houseboat. We've only got one, inconceivably nerdy explanation: Bag of Holding. Like, it's gotta be, right?

The case will be released sometime in June for $300 -- though you can knock $20 off the price by pre-ordering before April 20. We wonder if we could pay an extra $20 to get a product that's spelled correctly.Sheeeesh."

So Joystiq.com got a press release about a system travel case with a built-in lcd monitor and thought it was worthy of a post. Actually their sister site engadget got a press release and their post was used for the basis of another post. Scraping the bottom of the barrel but it's Sunday so we'll ignore that for now.

Here is the actual news in the post.

• New Travel Case coming out in June
• Has an LCD Monitor builtin
• 300 dollars in june or 280 if you preorder
• works with xbox 360, xbox 360 S or PS3 Slim, NOT PS3 OLD MODELS (not mentioned in story so I will assume it doesn't work with it)

It's looking like not worthy of a story but they need to keep the view count up so they fill it full of garbage to pad it out. Hmmm... what can we throw in here.. Hey its got a silly name, theres at least 3 sentences! If that doesn't work we can try one of the following ways to turn this into something.

1. Has the company made anything in the past? Was that thing a success or failure? Rub their face in it.

2. Tie it into whatever is most popular this second. "This travel game case WITH THE HILARIOUS NAME would be a tiny alternative for playing Marvel VS. Capcom 3, but it would make the grotesquely large supermoves a more manageable size. Tiny screens can only give you tiny epilepsy!"

3. Mention how you and your coworkers get paid to write about video games and regurgitate press releases for a living. "We'll post a couple more times about this product in June when a free unit gets sent to the Joystiq offices at the AOL mothership. We will gather our staff around and bask in the travel cases 9" of LCD glow. I have a coworker from South Africa named Ludwig."

4. Insert Call of Duty or World of Warcraft any where in the article for any reason.

5. Take a quick pass at press release, find something it can't do and make the article about that. "NO WII SUPPORT? WON'T ANYONE MAKE A CASE FOR ME TO WAGGLE AT?!?!??"

Frustrations with video game media is going to be my theme this week unless anything notable happens (it won't) so I understand if you lose interest and stop reading forever. I think SLEEPY CRICKET might have started a livejournal as they have been out of fashion long enough to be considered contrarian so I recommend checking that out.

Dear Dave Ramsey: Should I buy a PS3

I no longer feel the urge to be funny or put time into writing these posts anymore. I understand if you no longer feel compelled to read this.

I mentioned that I might be purchasing a Playstation 3 (2nd time is a charm) to some of my youth. They instructed me to go through the 5 steps that learned in their Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class, this is a class where their well paid instructor plays Dave Ramsey CD's for them and then goes on the news and cries about funding for public education. Also I think using this stuff in a non-authorized class is a violation of the terms of use on the material. I am tempted to report the class because I have the moral high ground and don't like lazy teachers.

I only half listened to what the youth was saying but thought I would take me through the 2.5 steps before making the plunge.

Question 1: Do you know everything about this product before you buy it?

Yes. I know mainly because I owned one before any decent games came out for it and then sold it before the price dropped. If I got one I might cancel my Xbox Live Gold account which would be around 40-50 dollars a year in savings (I don't play online that much anymore and Netflix is free on PS3).

Here are some games that I want to play that are PS3 exclusive:

Heavy Rain

Uncharted 1 and 2

Little Big Planet 2

Blueray does not interest me so that's not really a selling point.

Question 2: Have you thought about it at least 24 hours?

I've held off buying one for a while, I was close to pulling the trigger on black friday but had SLEEPYCRICKET and brother restrain me from doing so. They were bad friends for fufilling that task because it was a great deal.

Question 3: (This is where I stopped paying attention) Will it improve your life?

Not really. Aside from the games listed above I already have an Xbox 360 and special Wii. BUT I want to try the games listed above. My life does not suck for lack of video games, it probably sucks in small reason due to the abundance of video games. Thanks Mario, I COULDA' BEEN A DOCTOR.

Question 4: Is it going to find you a new job or move you out of your mother's basement?

Nope, if anything it will do the opposite.

Also I got called at 3AM to go to work because our shipping department mislabeled some products that shipped and this wasn't caught until a customer had to shut a major manufacturing facility down due to the short notice that they didn't have any parts. So I make my 30+ minute voyage, get there at 3:45AM (unshowered in half pj's half crap clothes) deal with it, continue working until 3PM because my coworker was being a seaworld about having to cover 10 minutes of work for me to go home early. Also a backup supervisor (not mine) had called me a mf'ing cry baby that should go cry because that's what mf'ing cry babies do.

Question 5: Oh just quit being a penny pincher and buy the thing.

OK!

The view from the moral high ground

I dedicate a portion of my life to things that I will never receive payment or appropriate credit for. You may know what they are, and good for you. We will not speak of them in this post. What we will speak of is how I will most likely not be willing to acknowledge your opinions about my volunteer-work because I have the moral high ground.

"But I have opinions about what you do things! What is this moral high ground and how may I get up on it?" -You

As stated in previous sentence. I will not be acknowledging your opinions.

The moral high ground is the fantastic perch that I get to sit at when I do something for 0 pay and with little support. I am not complaining about lack of pay or support. I do not know if I would accept it if it was offered. The view from the moral high ground is good enough that I can go without syphoning funds or being an official part of a system that I have issues with.

I was pretty involved with a non-profit a couple years ago, did I have a great attitude about it? Nope. Was I doing it primarily out of obligation? Yep. But I did it and the job got done. And it was good until I got critiques of my unpaid performance and suggestions about how I should do things differently. The situation also changed when paid staff members had opinions on what I should be doing. And this is where the problem is good sir: I have the moral high ground. There is little keeping me here aside from the altruistic reward of being decent and the simple pleasures doing a job my way. If that doesn't work for you then I think you should find a replacement so I can step down.

With the exception of that volunteer experience and some media work I've done for the Internet/non-profits; few have tried to alter my view from the moral high ground. But here is the other issue from sitting upon the perch of my moral high ground: If you have ever taken a paycheck doing what I do I will probably cast judgement upon you with an unrealistic and rapidly shifting double standard.

Take your position seriously? You are too into yourself, losing sight of the goal, and should be fired immediately.

Take your position lightly? Irresponsible and you should be fired.

Are a perfect person in the position? No one needs a role model that is perfect and you should be fired.

If the moral high ground seems like a self righteous place, that is because it is, but I usually am able to keep my judgements towards those who could care less what I think.

Since my parents have been gone I have been spending more time with my cat. I have discovered that my cat is an a-hole and that my feline allergies are very severe.

Speaking at different volumes

Last night, while at work, I became sick. I started getting a progressively worsening sore throat which kept me from speaking very loudly. At it's peak, I was barely whispering the routine lines to the customers. "Hi, how are you?"
They would then respond with a loud, jovial "Just fine! How are you?"
"Fine thanks"
"OH! Cat got your tongue? Frog in your throat? Gone hoarse?" (What is it with using animals as scapegoats for our sicknesses?)

Now when two people are plotting or gossiping, they both tend to speak at the same, low volume, but when one person is whispering becuase they are sick, the other person has no reason to be quiet and must feel compelled to take up the slack.
For some reason, this was just very awkward to be a part of.

Watching People Play Videogames is My Favorite

I enjoy videogames (forget you spell check I'm making it one word) but with my busy and important schedule I don't have time to keep up with them. I try to read about them to fill the gap, but videogame media is terrible and it triggers my gag reflex if I read too much of it. I really despise most of the people who write about videogames, maybe not the people but their work and their personality. But this post is not about the failures of videogame content, it is about the success.

Over the past year I have grown to enjoy people playing videogames and talking about them on the Internet. Not just any people but people who both love videogames and have lived life outside of them enough to be able to speak in a manner that doesn't piss me off.

Here are two amazing sources of my videogame voyeuring:

Giantbomb.com Quicklooks:

http://www.giantbomb.com/videos/

Usually only playing notable games of recent release, these guys are amazing.

Let's Play Archive:

http://lparchive.org/

These are done by members of a message board so they are much more hit or miss. But most of the time they play the complete game and also have a much better selection of older stuff.

That's all I got. I am trying to channel my hatred into a proper write up of the failures of videogame media.

Taking advantage of a terrible thing

I am not normally one to take advantage of anything. Unless it makes and/or saves me money.
One thing I just took major advantage of was my 2010 taxes.
This was my first year that my parents couldn't claim me as a dependent (which they did regardless of how much I actually depended on them) so this was my first real journey to the center of the Earth.
It took me like all day, and I hated it. Except for when my total refund increased.
They say every little bit helps, I must say that's true. For me it help me up to a decent sum of to-be-direct-deposited mula.
Man, I can't for for these 8-14 days to be over with.
What will I do with the new capital, you ask? Shopping spree? Bath in one-dollar bills? Get a mani-pedi?
Nah, I'll probably just save it. And maybe invest it in something. I'm s natural saver and nothing gets me giddier then sticking to a conservative budget with all bill being promptly paid, student loans being overly paid down, and watching the savings account stagger it's way upward.
I also enjoy working on my nestegg, but I'll save the stock market/IRA-type post for another day.

In conclusion, really try to stick it to Uncle Sam this year. Don't forget all those work-related expenses, business lunches, using your car for work-related purposes, that Energy-Star appliance you bought, the interest on your loans, charitable donations, and that blind Nicaraguan child you send comic books to each month. Oh, and remember, pets and stuffed animals that sleep in your bed are dependents, no matter what your neighbor might say.

If you hurt her, I will kill you

OMG I HEARD FROM AN UNRELATED CHAIN OF PEOPLE THAT YOU MIGHT BE SEEING OSMEONE, HERE ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW!

1. I SOME HOW HAVE A VESTED INTEREST IN THIS THING.

You are not just seeing her, you are seeing me. But not really beause I could smell your ass coming from a mile away and I was like NOPE, even though you didn't ask. Or have ever spoken to me. Ever. BUT I FOUND YOUR CONTACT INFO! And I'm telling you if you mess with her you are messing with me. What's her name again? Yeah that's it. I'm watching you. One wrong move and I'll be on you like male nudity on SPARTACUS. And I have the power to end this thing, or change it so its more entertaining.. you know for me and the other viewers at home. My opinions are important because I once saw you and her before you you-and-her.

2. ARE YOU GUYS FIGHTING? YOU CAN TELL ME!

What's wrong. What is it? What are you guys doing? I won't tell anyone. Fine ya fruit, let me imagine what is wrong and give you advice to solve the problem I just made up. You should get her nice pajamas. And cupcakes. And a car. And the 3rd Glee soundtrack. I thought we was in this together? How can I observe your relationship from the sidelines if you don't tell me what's going on and immediately follow my advice. I promise I won't tell her (as phone is flipped open in the middle of a text that starts "you won't believe what your man said about you _________), and I certainly won't tell anyone else (text is also addressed to her entire phone book).

3. YOU TWO ARE BORING, I DON'T LIKE IT ANYMORE. YOU SHOULD END IT FOR ME.

UGH I'm sick of this. You don't talk to me, and you don't give a rip what I tell you to do for her. You won't even go on a double with me while my man is away hunting this weekend.... I think you should try something else. I don't like this anymore. I liked you better when you were trying and failing. Maybe you should go back to that, you were really good at it. And by good I mean funny.

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING HER FOR VD DAY? OH GROSS, YOU SHOULD RETURN IT AND GET HER SOME YOGA GIFT CARDS.

Fedora's Exciting Career

this post was breaking the site for some reason, reposted.

Although C Minus gets down on himself and his job (and offers others the chance to tear him down even further), I happen to know that when it comes to his true calling, he is amazing.

C-Boy also works with the youth of tomorrow.

No wait, that would be fetuses…Okay, he works with the youth of today who are the future of tomorrow.

Anyway, Mi-Man is a mentor, and an agent of change. That’s what life is actually about. Teaching and changing. This is sort of what I want to do, too. This is exactly why I don’t enjoy what I do now.

(This is also why C Minus and I are kindred spirits, and for all the crap I give him, I love him to death and can’t wait to co-adopt a Chinese baby with him). Mr. Cricket, on the other hand, is just a cog in the capitalist machine.)

Right now, I literally take people’s money in exchange for stuff that was never mine, then hand that money over to someone else, who hands it to someone else, who pays them a little of it, who then pays me a little of it. It’s a joke. But it’s also a job, which is necessary right now. Here’s where we come to the difference between a job, and a career. A job is something you do just to make money and get by. A career is something you want to devote your life’s energy towards, so it had better be meaningful to you.

My dream “meaningful to me” is providing case management and counseling to people in need of it, particularly those struggling against substance abuse. After a successful interview and a job offer this morning, I may finally be taking a step in the right direction, after just jobing since I graduated. (Have I really done nothing with my bachelor’s degree for 8 months?)

This career starter seems to hit all the marks I was hoping for.

*In my field (Uses my degree.)

*Entry level, learn as I go (Don’t want to be overwhelmed.)

*Willing to work around my current job for now (I’m starting part time, and still need this insurance from Retailer, Inc.)

*Willing to work with me while in grad school (I start in the fall, so exciting.)

*Lots of room for moving up (Bossman says he’s excited to have me as a resource and will be giving me more responsibility with experience and education.)

*Pays more then I make now. (Shouldn’t be important, but it is.)

Now the only thing left is if I actually like the “this is a very challenging job, can you handle yadda yadda yadda…” job once I start…Did I make the right decision? Have the last 5 years been a complete waste? Just how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsiepop? The Fedora may soon know.

Watching Spartacus makes me feel like a man

Watching episode 3 of Sparticus via Netflix streaming. I initially clicked on it because the box cover was all like GRRRRR! and I was all like "why's Kevin Federline so clean and angry?" After 2 episodes of Spartacus I have found there are many reasons why Kevin Federline is angry and the show is built around him working out that anger.

There are things notable about the Spartacus television series and I would like to share my 3 episodes of experience with you.

1. Spartacus has the worst special effects that I have ever seen in a professional media production.

I can tell that the producers of Spartacus were challenged with producing 13 episodes of 300 with the budget of 13 episodes of Sesame Street. Instead of playing to the low budget strengths with clever editing and scripting around budget constraints, Spartacus does a bunch of CGI stuff but just stops rendering when the VFX checks start to bounce.

The sky looks like a water color painting and the characters have terrible green screen artifacts around them. Certain spots look like someone's playing a game of You're in the Movies.

2. Spartacus is naked. So are his friends and enemies. So are the characters he has yet to meet.

Try as I might I have yet to see the member of Spartacus, every other inch of his body is permanently imprinted in my mind. As for the rest of the cast, yeah hung or not hung they are on display in about half of the scenes they are in. In my analysis of Love and Other Drugs, I mentioned that every time Anne Hathaway acted she had to show a boob. In Spartacus every line of dialogue must be matched with a close up of the characters frank and beans. Any nonverbal action a character has must be paired with a butt shot.

3. Spartacus is visceral.

Visceral: Having to do with the response of the body as opposed to the intellect, as in the distinction between feeling and thinking.

If I was a wild animal I probably wouldn't make it through a complete episode of of Spartacus without dying of some combination violence and some more basic animal need. Probably 75% of the 3 episodes are either fighting or lovemaking with a equal amount of screaming in each. The pairings do not discriminate among genders, which makes me wonder if this show is produced to help GLAAD or to spite it.

Despite the accents (which range from meh to terrible) and the iambic pentameter, there is no plot to Spartacus aside from revenge and hostility. If you can follow the the drama and subtext of a dogfight then you will have no problems keeping up with Spartacus. If anyone says they are watching this show for something other than the dirty stuff then I would advise you to not believe their lies and report them to the nearest authority.

4. Xena Warrior Princess is in this

She is getting older but it's good to see her working again.

5. They seriously just did the screen split trick to make a bunch more trumpet players.

SLEEPY CRICKET did you make this? Seriously you need to tell me if this is something you shot with your digital camera.

Reasons I don't want to get up tomorrow

As you can see by the image to the right, Mondays are not that great. Although I don't really understand why Garfield would be saying this. I do not believe he ever had a traditional 9-5 job in the comics. Maybe it was due to Jon being out of the house and not feeding him. But Jon was a work at home architect if I recall correctly so I don't think that would make any difference to him either.

But I am not a fan of Mondays, at least not in my current job/life situation. Here are some reasons why:

1. I will most likely not be getting a nap/decent amount of sleep.

As I type this I am setting the alarm on my phone for 5:00 AM. Will I actually get up at that time? Probably not. Will I curse my maker for rousing me at this hour? Without question.

2. I will attempt to have slimfast for Breakfast and Lunch.

I am becoming a fatty again. My body hasn't reacted yet but I can tell it in my face. The face is the first to react to me becoming fat and the rest of me is soon to follow. I went back on slimfast a couple weeks ago to moderate success. I usually do not follow the plan on the weekends. I have also canceled my YMCA membership so I am not currently physcially active either. I'm hoping that next time I see SLEEPY CRICKET he will have 300-Style Abs and that will motivate me to start doing things again.

3. I do not like my job.

There is nothing to look forward to during the work week aside from others screwing up more than I do.

4. I do not get paid this week.

If there is not a 1st or 15th in a workweek then my willingness to actually work is greatly diminished.

5. I did something meaningful last weekend and did nothing this weekend.

I have lost any momentum I thought I had.

6. It was a rough Sunday School and it was my fault.

We had a meeting before hand which made me crappy frazzled instead of fun frazzled. I also think about people not only get paid to do what I do but also (DELETED)

7. There was a sporting event on Sunday night.

If there is one thing I hate more than overhearing weather talk it is sports talk. And there's gonna be a lot of sports talk on Monday.

8. I don't have many creative projects to look forward to in the near future.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have given up on "Dateable" and cannot think of any other ideas. I have a lot of unpaid ASSIGNMENTS, but those crush my soul instead of set it free.

9. I just looked at a guest list for something I'm going to and it has gotten worse.

More people I am going to have to perform for in order to lessen the awkwardness. By perform I mean act like an idiot around so that they don't try to challenge or talk to me. It's just easier doing that then dealing with them on a person to person basis.

10. I still have to make my bed tonight.

I hate making my bed, I don't even know if the mattress pad is dry.

And yet I will continue the grind. One good thing is that I am saving money, and I did apply for a job yesterday so that should be a fun rejection letter to read sometime next week.

Style & Distinction - John Purdy edition

There is a link below. It is hiding...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msSC3hZbA_E

I forgot to eat dinner last night

I drove some junk and a car to Florida this weekend. It was for my parents who are staying there for a couple months. This is their second year down there and I think it is good for them. But who cares about them this is about me.

With them gone I have had to make adjustments. For the next months I am not a dweller in mammy's basement, I am the occupier of a residence. I am the man of the house, not that the man spot was in much competition with parents here but right now I control the entire residence. As a 27 year old this shouldn't excite me as much as it does. I have lived in a couple of places that are not my parents basement. And since I don't know where I am going with this blog post I will describe them to you now.

Move Out #1: Valley 2 Dorm at WMU

Room 515, it was actually a pretty sweet room as far as dorms go. It was on the corner of the hall so my roommate and I didn't have to share the bathroom with another room. It was also larger by a couple feet and had a high ceiling due to being on the top floor. I bought a sweet couch and threw my bed up on my roommates loft (creepily close to his bed frame but neither of us got any so it didn't matter). That combined with the recently released Xbox in my room it was a pretty sweet setup. Actually let me revise that statement, if it wasn't for my stoner/adderall dealing roommate, his townie friends, and the psychotic guy across the hall it would have been a sweet set up. But they existed so it was awful most of the time.

Highlight of the experience: Me at my most passive aggressive pouring a full can of grape soda on my roommates bed in response to him hotboxing our bathroom.

Move Out #2: Sister's Spare Bedroom

She was recently separated and I really didn't want to move back home over the summer of my freshman year. Living with her two year old son was awesome and I think its why we were so close up until he got too cool for me (he's 10 now). Sadly we have never gotten along as adults although we might be on the road to recovery (the trick is not to talk to each other). I was right next door to Meijer and fast food so I don't think I drove that summer.

Highlight of the experience: Me trying to do a pull up using a door and ripping it off the frame. Purchasing a 36" CRT TUBE TV and hauling it down a flight of stairs by myself.

Move Out #3: Studio Apartment

It had a bed that folded out of the wall, which I thought was pretty boss. I was the only one who thought that as I was too much of a shut in to have anyone over. I could hear the terrible traffic of Drake road through the wall and the heater was loud, expensive and worthless.

Highlight of the experience: Setting a shiny plate on fire in the microwave, putting it out with fire extinguisher, thinking the fire extinguisher just shot water and shooting it everywhere as a stress release. Minutes later realizing it shot a gross foam and I needed to clean it up. Then not cleaning it up until my mom cleaned out my apartment before I moved.

Move Out #4: Ghetto 2 Bedroom Apartment

Moved in with another heavily disturbed person who I worked with at Meijer. Apartment was in kind of a ghetto area but I am from the streets so they didn't mess with me. My best friend at the time lived right below me but was in a messed up relationship so I didn't see him much.

Highlight of the experience: Roommate angry at me using too much bandwidth unplugs my router and leaves the most awesome threatening note. I scan it and put it on the Internet. I'm trying to find a copy of it but I don't think I have it on this computer. There are tons of misspellings and I inverted the colors so it's white pen on black paper.

Move Out #5: Apartment in Royal Oak

Took the first and only job offer I had after college which the job was actually pretty good in title but terrible in pay and company association. I wanted a nice place to myself for once so I got a $620 apartment 20 minutes away from work in Royal Oak, one of the few fun areas by Detroit. $620 might not seem like a ton but my take home pay was around 350 a week so it was out of my budget. It was especially out of my budget when I got fired and was making 200 a week on unemployment. I held on to that apartment desperately though almost through the end of my lease. The place had a 24 hour gym and clubhouse with I loved. If the place existed near my current job I would definitely consider moving back.

Highlight of experience: free cable tv, water and internet because the respective companies forgot to turn off/change billing for service.

Move out #6: 2 Bedroom Apartment with COSTAR

Somehow I made a real college friend who I didn't realize I was friends with until after like 3 years of real friendship. We were in weird situations after college so we decided to move in together for a while. My current job had just started and was awful and he was getting serious about some chick so I actually didn't see him that much. Still the best roommate I've ever had. At the end of our lease he moved in with her and I moved home because my mom was having chemo (possibly to be discussed later).

Highlight of experience: Touch of the Downs (possibly to be discussed later, available for private showings but too hot for Internet)

Move out #7: ?????

Hasn't happend yet. What I thought would be 6 months of being a good son turned into 3.5 years of laziness with little signs of ending soon. Where, when and why will I move? I will let you know as soon as I figure it out.

Oh and I forgot to eat dinner last night because when my parents lived here they would always ask me if I had eaten. Without them asking me I forgot that I hadn't ate anything last night. I felt really weird but couldn't translate the weirdness to hunger. I didn't realize I was starving until 11AM this afternoon.

Fable 3: The Gamiest Game that Ever Gamed

The goal tonight is to tell you what I thought of this videogame without making it bitter about my life and having equal to or less than 3 rape jokes. Let's see how I do....

I completed the main quest in Fable 3 last Friday right before I took off on a very long road trip. It was one of the three games I purchased from the Best Buy B2G1 deal they were having a couple weeks ago. I tolerated Fable 1 and enjoyed Fable 2 so I was reasonably excited for the third one despite the iffy reviews it got upon release.

Before I get into the game, due to a pricing mistake or something the cheapest version of the game was the special edition. Normally I avoid these because they are filled with crap, but honestly this is the best packaging I have seen for a videogame. It comes with a kind of real looking Bible-esque case which contains the game and some bonus junk. Will I use any of it ever? Probably not, but its slick and well contained. Unlike that Halo Reach set which is in a pallet sized box for absolutely no reason.

To speak of the game I will be speaking of all 3 Fable games because not much has changed in the series. Fable 3 is Legend of Zelda's ADD British Brother. It is a dumbed down action RPG which substitutes being British for being clever. The story in the series is you aint nothin' then you become something, your actions reflect how you turn out as a character. In Fable 3 you are specifically the son/daughter of the person from Fable 2 and your evil brother kicks you out for being not evil. You then go on random quests enlisting the support of the 7 or so areas of the world. Once everyone has your back you then take back the kingdom from your brother and become the main dude/lady. These are the same beats that the first two games followed and eh... I guess it still works.

Fable 3's only new idea is that after you become King you have a "year" (5 days) to be either a good king or a bad king before you have a final battle to save the kingdom. And by good and bad I mean black and white. One of your decisions is whether or not to turn a orphanage into a whorehouse. I will let you cut through the layers of story to decipher which of these is the good and which is the bad option. The way you play the game even has less to do with anything than the first two games. The only thing it impacts is a couple of story line beats and how dirty your character looks.

The gameplay is serviceable, just as it has been in Fable 1 and 2. Three different types of attacks and no limits to ammo or magic... it gets monotonous and I believe the game designers knew this because your battles are very short. In fact there are probably less than 10 "levels" and the rest are just random encounters with a couple bad guys who teleport out of nowhere. You are normally just running around town buying property and performing variations on fetch quests. Property is your main source of earning money and eventually the only thing that determines whether you "win" the game or not. The game economy can totally be broken by just leaving the game running all night while your income stacks up.... and I'm kind of ok with that.

The game world seems very small and very disconnected by loading screens and unrelated landscapes. There is no over-world, you just warp to random villages scattered throughout the map of your kingdom. If GTA can give us New York City with few loading screens then a far less detailed fantasy setting should be doable without being so choppy.

There is co-op and one great improvement over Fable 3 is not having to share the screen. It was unforgivable in Fable 2 so I'm not sure if not making the same mistake twice is something to be commended.

The largest quirk in the game is the elimination of any menu/map system. All of this has been replaced by an over-world which you warp to by hitting the pause button. Each thing you would want to look at is in a separate room. I believe what the goal was with this is to make it seem more fluid, but it just makes it annoying and crappy like doing stuff in real life. If I want to change my clothes or weapons in real life I have to walk over to my dresser or trunk of my car, but I don't want the game to be like my real life because my real life has a lot of useless crap in it. It's a pretty big pain in the butt and almost kills the game, but those who are set on playing it will get over it.

I enjoyed Fable 2, it took a lot of things from Zelda that I liked and did them at a much faster pace with actual voice acting and pretty graphics. The characters and story were worthless but that made me imagine new story lines around all of the NPC's I murdered/impregnated with my video game seed. But then I played Fable 3 and it was Fable 2 with a weird makeup that I didn't like smeared over it. Everything that was added was at the expense of something I enjoyed in Fable 2. The King stuff came at the expense of any significant levels or boss battles. The awful non-menu came at the expense of something I could easily track my progress with.

But underneath the weird stuff there is the Fable foundation, I fast paced adventure game that lets you go crazy and not care about consequences, despite the games biggest selling point being that you have to deal with consequences (consequences=what your character looks like). If you enjoyed Fable 2 I would check this out if it was on sale, if you haven't played Fable 2 I would play that first/instead.

Finally a person I want to be like when I grow up

One guy I don't want to end up like.

Another guy I don't want to end up like

I've been thinking about writing these for a while and they have not turned out well for all the forethought that went into them. Oh well I had a big drive this weekend and a couple of my friendships are in flux so we are just gonna have to plow through.

There is one person at my job who I would like to turn out to be like as I get more comfortable in my adulthood. He isn't much of a shot caller at the workplace but he is well respected due to his performance and his calm nature.

That is something I want as a grown up "calm." Not only do I want to be calm but I want to be content being calm. It's tough for me to do that now. If something isn't going wrong it is almost like I see an NBA style shot clock ticking down the seconds until I sabotage myself. I crave peace at my job but I also talk a whole lot of trash on instant messenger/bathroom walls at work. But my manidol has it all down pat. He has been coming to me recently with some stuff to look up regarding end of the year business. Due to his calm and considerate nature I will normally drop things that are a much higher priority to help him. The psycho forklift guy is gonna scream whether I am timely with his stuff or late so I might as well help someone who knows how to control their emotions.

I often present myself as someone of an analytical mindset, this is a lie and not a very good one. I am more emotional than my mother and she is barely functional without her hormone pills. I forcefully push them down to be more like my manidol, but it just comes across as fake. My attempts clear and direct communication makes me sound like the Jigsaw Killer from Saw.

Another reason why I look up to my manidol is that he cares about his work and coworkers at the level where it is healthy, but he is at work because he has a life to support. I see a large picture by his desk of his kids and grandkids and I understand that his heart lies with them. His efforts are to do his job and go home at a reasonable hour. He will occasionally contribute a joke or something but he understands that there are no winners in the company pissing contest. Today as the ONE and TWO people I don't want to end up like tried to dominate the discussion of today's blizzard; my manidol focused on getting his work done and retreating to the safety of his family. When I ran a small business, one of my sayings was "I need you to show up to work, and show up TO WORK" my manidol does both and he might actually be the only one in the office who does this.

Despite never having a real conversation with my manidol, I can tell that he loves and is loved by many, he also is aware of this love coming in and out of him as he performs his job. That's what I want. I want to be able to have something real (unlike our first person I don't want to end up like) and I want that thing to be more important than my immediate needs and wants (unlike our second person I don't want to end up like). I think I'm on the right track in certain areas, but there are days like today and blog posts like this that show me I have a significant change of slipping into anti-rolemodels 1 or 2.

In other news: Could our prodigal son be returning? I DOUBT IT BUT LETS KEEP PRAYING FOR HIM!

Still Alive!

Hey Cool People,

I am back from the dead. There were some things I had to sort out, like some pens, but I'm done with that now and ready to blog.

First things first:

I like you guys. We should hang out more often.

Second thing:

There is no dancing in China! However, karaoke & prostitutes have done their part to help.

Thirdly:

It took me 5 hours to write this and I feel a part of me has died. All my brain can do is just sit and stare at the screen. I think I need medication for this because I can't stand always being anxious and distracted. If I don't write anything, C Minus gets upset at me, but if I do write something, it sucks and I always hate it. I can't win.

Fourthistly:

Is it weird to have emotional breakdowns a few times a week?

Curling

Reason number 35 why I am cooler than you.
I love curling.

Jocks will tell you "Football is a game of inches".
I'll tell you "Bullcocks, football is a game of yards and even I know that. Curling is truly a game of inches. Inches, and screaming.

Here's how it works:
A team of 4 people with zero age-range restrictions take turns throwing a hunk of granite (called Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) downs some ice. And by "throw" I mean "slide". Then two of the other teamies sweep the ice in front of it to make it go farther as needed. The rock will also curve, or "curl" (ah-ha!) on it's way in, making for stunning maneuvers around blockages. They want to get the rocks inside the house, which is a big bull's-eye to score. Whichever team can get "shot-rock" (the rock closest to the "button" (the center)) can score. They get as many points as they have rocks inside the house, closer the in the opponents closest rock. And if they get a rock in the center of the button, a genie will appear and grant the "skip" (that's the team-leader, and the person who throws the last rock, called the "hammer") three wishes. This then goes on for 10 ends, and lasts about 2hours.

It may sound boring, but there is just something mesmerizing about watching the rock glide across the crystaline ice, then clunk onto another rock and see them both fly away.
Or maybe I just enjoy seeing one man scream "HARD! HARD!" over and over again at two guys jerking their brooms as fast as they can. (See, Curling Terminology)

I write this post now, not as an anti-post for the up-coming Super Bowl, but becuase I finally forgot enough about the Olympic results to watch those games.
During the Olympics, I recorded EVERY curling match that NBC was showing, but I never really got to watch them live becuase I wasn't home then. I did, however, catch the results which meant I didn't want to watch the matches right away. So recently, I finally got tired of 48hours worth of curling burning a 147GB hole in my hardrive, and started to watch USA lose. Sure, I basically remember that Team USA stunk it up, but in the cold of the moment, the recordings seem live, and my cheers are legit.