Hello and welcome to "kinda weird but I'll take it" the dating show made specifically for messed up people like yourself. Today our lucky lady is Shemane, and she will be choosing from three lucky bachelors. Gentlemen introduce yourselves.
Umm... hey.... SLEEPY CRICKET here. I will introduce myself with three important life facts. 1. I am hip. 2... .I am not invested enough in this question to continue. 
Hi my name is C Minus and I'm hoping you can be my plus. I enjoy walking, especially if I have a dog leash or your hand to hold. I am active in many volunteer and recreational activities. I would say I live a pretty full life and I could use someone to share it with. My goals are to not work where I currently work and not live where I currently live.
Lovely. Shemale, do you have any questions for our 3 very eligible bachelors?
Bachelors, judging by the sound of my voice. What would you say to me if we met at a casual location such as a nightclub or Jimmie John's.
Have you seen the latest thing I'm interested in? Oh you have? Well I'm not doing that so much anymore. (pulls out phone, puts on sunglasses, goes to sleep).
Why hello there! My name is C Minus. How are you today? Wonderful. I'm recovering from a rough day at work/church/home/not home but I'm remaining cautiously optimistic about my situation in life. What brings out to Jimmie John's tonight? TURKEY TOM? ME TOO! While this place doesn't have real mustard, it does have alfalfa sprouts. Alfalfa, probably my favorite word that can be typed only homerow keys. Ok I'm going to go tell SLEEPY that I talked to a real girl. Have a good night!
Bachelors. Let's say we get into an argument about where to eat. I want Jimmie Johns and you want not Jimmie John's. Where do we eat and how do you discuss it with me?
Unless Jimmie John's is what Little Caesar's is calling the Hot N' Ready's now that they aren't 5 dollars, then I am not eating no Jimmie John's. How about this. I'll get a Hot N' Ready and you get your Jimmie John's and we'll eat it at my place while I play WoW and ignore you. Hey can you look in my couch for a little bit? My brother is missing a sock.
Listen here Shamwow I'm working for you here. If you want Jimmie John's I'll eat Jimmie's John all night long if I have to. I will take every part of my body, personality or lifestyle that you don't like and file it down until I am the most generic person that no woman could ever be offended, challenged or loved by. So when's dinner?
You all sound like very experienced and loving men. Except the first and last ones. I actually wonder if bachelors have actually seen woman in real life or if they are just making calculated assumptions based on what they discovered while looking up "hot chick" in wikipeida. But if I am wrong and you have all had a relationship before: Tell me a little about your previous relationships.
Um... uh... so I've started skateboarding karate lessons. I figured learning one skill is a lot of work but if I just picked the parts of each one I liked Old Country Buffet style I could come up with something people have never seen before and would make it tricky for them to judge me on. Want to go to Target and get some Clearance T-Shirts after this?
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Do I have to pick one?
Yes. You don't have to go out with them we just need to just announce it on TV and have some footage of you hugging.
Well I guess my life expectancy is best if I picked Bachelor #1. So I'll choose him.
Wait... what?
Well thanks to everyone who participated, and good luck to all of you messed up love birds out there. And just remember he might not be prince charming and he's definitely "KINDA WEIRD, BUT I'LL TAKE IT"
bahahahahaha
ReplyDeleteWow. How could any woman resist these men.
ReplyDeleteOh wait, I forgot... sarcasm doesn't read well.
Don't worry about us not reading the sarcasm. I usually just put my face up close to the monitor and stare at the little profile picture by your comments.
ReplyDelete