"Pretty Vision"

This week I'm trying to write little stories inspired by phrases that inspire me. Here is number 3:

I have a unique gift that makes me special, rather my unique gift makes you special. I have the gift of PRETTY VISION and it allows me to see a prettier version of people. I must be careful with this talent, if I let it run free then I would be smiling all the time and trying to makeout with everyone instead of just trying to make out with Jon Puridy. To unleash this hidden ability I must first reach a state of calm and examine my surroundings. Then the following transformation takes place:

When I take off my glasses girls sometimes look at me differently. They are like "C Minus, your eyes are green!?!" And if you think I am pretty in PRETTY VISION, just imagine how I am seeing you. 7 years younger (if still age appropriate) and one spa trip more refreshed. In PRETTY VISION you are viewed under a soft focus lens as if you were Cybil Shepard in the TV show Moonlighting. It hurts my head to read in PRETTY VISION but I don't need to read, I just need to look at you. Look at a version of you that haven't lived as hard and hasn't ever ate anything not inline with the USDA Food Pyramid.

There is this girl who I work with, PRETTY VISION does a number on her. She seriously looks like an angel SPLICED (hi friend) with a precious moments doll. I look at her a lot in PRETTY VISION because I have to for two reasons. My workplace is too cheap to purchase me proper safety glasses for the shop floor (scanning parts for defects and recording inventory is near impossible in PRETTY VISION), and finally there is almost a whiplash like effect when going back to real life. Like jet lag or something. This girl has lived... and despite her relative youth every shot, every hook up, every day without properly removing her 4 pounds of make up, it shows on her face like the map of the world. She's dumb too but it's not SMART VISION, it's PRETTY VISION. When transitioning back to my normal camera angle I feel sorry for her. Sorry that she has to cover herself up and sorry that she can't see herself in PRETTY VISION.

While I'll never qualify to fly jets in the air-force, I am partially thankful for the freak accident that gave me the power of PRETTY VISION (sticking my tongue on 9-Volt batteries as a kid? my mom smoking while she was pregnant with me?), it has given me an alternative view of the world and it's people that is a wonderful vacation from the contempt and disgust I hold them in.