In an effort to balance out the sheer masculinity of C Minus and Sleepy Cricket. The boys have enlisted a wise friend of the family. She is the definition of success with multiple college courses attended and over 3 marriages performed through to completion. She will be answering one female reader's question each week. Please submit questions in this post's comments section for future consideration.
Dear Lady Listener,
Thank you for everything that you do, your previous articles for this blog have helped me and many other women get through the struggles of being women.
My concern is that this past weekend I went out with some friends, both female and male, to various bars and clubs. As I am getting older I have less time to do this sort of thing so I really value the times I just get to cut loose a little. Nothing crazy, a little booze and a hit of blow if I need to be to work the next morning. But this time things were different, we were dancing and I noticed one of my male friends was kind of depressed, so naturally I try to cheer him up by getting him to dance with me. A couple songs later I realized on top of being depressed he was also pretty drunk. The dancing turned into him trying to go a bit further. He would grab me by my jeans and move me to him and grind on me. It was kind of creepy, but before I could tell him to back off he would start saying "I shouldn't be dancing with you, I'm no good..." and it made me feel bad so I just let him keep doing it. And now he keeps texting me trying to have a one-on-one date after the "great time" we had the other night. I want to let him down easily but also let him know how inappropriate he was acting. How should I handle this situation?
This problem is totally real and I'm totally a woman,
-Sh
Dear Minus S,
Depression runs deep in many men. They do not get to enjoy the life affirming experiences that women see in their lifetimes such as child birth and having another child after that first child. So as a woman it is your womanly duty to ease that depression. So you went out with a group of friends which included this depressed man? I think your heart was in the right place by trying to correct his attitude toward life, but your approach was wrong. I think trying to bring this man into your delirious state by dancing with him is perhaps going to far.
To dance is to move in a graceful or rhythmical way, but when the dance partners are in two different mental states the dance will not be... how did my first husband the dance instructor put it? ... sexy. So either the man must join you in being happy and full of life or you must join the man in his drunken handsy state.
There is a third state of being that will help your dance be a dance that lives on forever. But it will require more of you than you may be willing to give. My advice to you in the next time this situation occurs is to take the man aside and say "THE DANCE CANNOT GO ON." Let your firm statement wash over him and sober him up so that he will paying attention to the second half of this statement "UNTIL YOU IMPREGNATE ME." And then you do it, you allow him to put his child in you. You carry that child and live a clean life so that the baby may have a healthy birth. Upon release from the hospital you find a childcare attendant. Not just some hand-that-rocks-the-cradle crazy woman, but a family friend or member of your church. With your child alive and in proper care you find this man, and you tell him that with the bond that you two share in the custody of Carlos, THE DANCE CAN NOW BEGIN.
You will then dance as adults should dance, aware of each others boundaries and limits. Keeping the exact same pace as you both know you must drive the sitter home before 11PM on a school night. By doing this you turn your creepy depressed friend into the creepy depressed biological father of your child. By doing this you perform your duties as a woman. By doing this you live forever.
Thank you for your question, it takes a lot of courage to bring up a problem like that on the Internet and both I and your future baby respect you for it.
Follow These Instructions to the Letter,
-The Lady Listener
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