I am losing interest in my interests

I am not feeling that funny at the moment which will be reflected in the boring and self-centered post below.

This is the first year I have felt like an actual adult. I feel this from the thinning of my hair to the problems with my back. I no longer look like a child in daddy's clothes when I put on a tie, and the definition in my face finally suits the glasses that I have worn since kindergarten. But as my body changes I see the things that I am interested also changing.

Things that I am losing interest in: Videogames

Where as in the past I could spend an entire weekend on a videogame, I now see myself losing interest within a half hour of playing. I look over at the binder I used when I was a senior in high school and there are more Sega Dreamcast logos and games in it than actual school work. I'm trying to think back whether I loved the system as much I loved loving the system. That passion is not inside of me anymore, even my infatuation with The Room was just a crush compared to my "oh no I got her pregnant I guess we'll try to make this work" that I had with the Dreamcast.

I remember I beat the game Shenmue within a week of buying it, I looked at the game clock and it turned out I had put in over 20 hours into the game in that week. This is with going to high school and working a part time job. This means that anytime I wasn't at school or work or handling my bodily needs I was playing that game. A couple years later I tried to replay it for old times sake and within a half hour I was all "F this S" and threw my Dreamcast back into storage. And its not that my tastes have evolved, because they haven't. The only thing I've learned in 10 years is heartbreak and that doesn't do much to raise your standards for excellence.

I'm staring at the intro movie for Dead Rising on Xbox, it's been playing for a while because I've been trying to make this thing readable. But also because I don't currently have the strength to start playing the game right now, partially because its a fustrating and broken peice of garbage that doesn't let you save your game... but also because I don't have the same kind of love that I used to for videogames.

Things that I am losing interest in: Making Videos

I enjoy making dumb videos, but I used to live for making dumb videos. I spent 2 years of my free time working on a crappy cartoon that everyone who saw it openly hated. My step brother said "I'm going to be sick, shut it off" when I tried to show him what I was working on. I got older, I got better and learned how to tell a story, but I lost that urge to produce. I still make videos, but especially with Sleepy Cricket gone I don't have the drive I used to. Where is this coming from? Is it just the aging process and me becoming a more diverse person? Or is it low reward to time involved ratio taking its toll on me?

And maybe I am losing interest in these things because I am realizing what a choad I was when I was into them. When I was playing videogames I was an elitist prick, especially when someone would start talking about Madden or Goldeneye or anything else that was popular and social within MY interest. Was my interest in making videos fueled by having it be a domain where I could be exclusionary? Partially... I don't know, I've had a rough week at work and maybe this isn't the best time for self reflection.

Things that I am losing interest in: People

I am not what we call a popular guy, especially when my head was up my behind in high school. In fact I would do anything for a real friend, I had school friends and work friends but barely any come over to your house and play friends. Slowly things started to fall into place and it was exciting, but now I'm usually too tired for them. I used to talk forever with my friends on the phone, pushing my phone's rate plan on occasion. Last month I was on my phone for 58 minutes, and if I looked into it most of that would be work or mother talk. My rollover minutes are in the thousands because usually when I get a call I ignore it then respond by text or facebook because I'm just too tired (or AT&T doesn't give me a signal because they are terrible). I say its tired now but on a well rested day it would be too something else; too busy, too lonely, too bored... I just don't have that desire that I used to for hanging out.

This might be also due to a lot of the people in my life getting either family'd up, career successful or just plain douchey. It seems like a switch was flipped in the summer of 2008 which cut out a lot of my friends list from people who I actually want to be friends with. But I've replaced them; replaced them with stronger, faster and better people; but the quality/amount of time I'm spending with them is no where near the amount I spent with their crappier predecessors.

I'm in a rut in a couple areas of my life, and maybe that is infecting my interests and passion for videogames, making videos and my friends. But I'm in a position where that rut is kind of untreatable at the moment so I will do as Dr. House says and "treat the symptoms, and go get me some vicodin." I plan on treating the symptoms by being purposeful about my free time; when I'm playing a game I'm going to try to invest myself in it and not stop till the game is completed. When I get off my couch and shoot a video, I'm not going to stop at "good enough" I'm going to stop when it's "great" and as for you and me dearest friend: We are going to be besties for the resties. Next time I try to weasel out of a play date you need to force yourself on me like me on an available female (20% kidding*).

Ok I'm done. My Xbox is making a lot of noise and I'm probably going to play Dead Rising for an hour before my character dies due to some glitch and I lose all my progress because the game has a terrible save system.